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(lively music)
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- Now this is the first time I ever did
a standup comedy sitting down.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
Hopefully it's not the first laugh you have given.
(drum beats)
- My name's Harper-Rose and I'm a comedian.
(upbeat music)
- [Paulo] Did you ever date a comedian before?
- No, but I have made out with some.
The last guy that I dated
was unlike any other guy I've ever dated before
because I'm about 5'7
and this guy was really addicted to cocaine.
So, (chuckles) you know.
- [Paulo] Do you think you can find love through comedy?
- I definitely think so
because it's such an intimate art form.
And I think like when you're being that vulnerable,
that opens you up to being vulnerable to other things.
- [Paulo] Are you ready to laugh?
- Yes. (laughs)
(tense upbeat music)
- All right. Okay.
How's it going, lady behind the screen?
- Hey, what's up? How you doing?
- You look great, by the way.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
- You like dogs?
- Love dogs.
- I think dogs are geniuses.
They're really good at marking their territory.
You know what I'm saying?
You just pee on things.
Like, if I pee on this chair right now,
nobody else is gonna want to sit in it and it's mine.
- The first thing I want you to know about me is I'm...
(chuckles) I'm not like these other guys.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
I'm not here just to tell jokes.
I'm here to find love, okay?
(both laugh)
- I'm trying to be smarter.
I want to learn more things, you know.
And I'm doing all the things to make me smart.
Like I read book, I read book.
But you know...
- Some people say I look like Kenan Thompson,
but like a slim thick version.
I'm not over shape. I'm like outta weight.
Ugh. I'm not outta, uh...
- Is this the remix?
- Outta shape yet.
But I'm one good burger away from it. So...
If you did, if you could see me, you would be laughing.
That's a great joke.
It usually gets better at jokes.
- I know that you can't see me,
but I have a little trouble with my identity currently
'cause I got the results of a DNA test
and found out I was 60% white.
Now it's weird 'cause now I got these
like white symptoms kicking up inside of me.
Like the other day I was just sitting like,
"You know what? I think I'm...
Here's some...
Just go backpacking in Europe and buy tickets in Europe
and just fly there.
No plan. I'll figure it out.
I'll figure it out.
(Harper-Rose laughs) You know what I mean?
- I am black.
I can tell by your tone you're not.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
Um...
Would you say pineapple belongs on pizza?
- No.
- (sighs) Well, I guess we can't get 'em all.
We can't win 'em all. I love pineapple on pizza.
- So I work with kids.
This one girl Amy, she touched my belly
and then she was like, "You're fat.
Are you pregnant?"
Which is just, it hurt,
but I can't go to the gym, be bench pressing at the gym,
just like, "Yeah, screw you, Amy.
Yeah, that's what you get, Amy."
People are gonna be like, "Who's Amy?
Is she the girl that broke your heart?"
You're like, "No, this third grader
that made me feel small."
Like that's not... (Harper-Rose laughs)
- I'm on the dating apps.
I know there's a lot of girls write the same thing
on all their profiles,
which is "No hookups. No hookups."
And it really baffles me.
And tell me there's no girl out there
that wants a sweet deal on a stereo
even though my friend Bob works at Best Buy.
You don't want me to hook that up for you?
- You just pee on things, man. Like they're gonna...
Gentrification is reversed
'cause what's one smell that rich people can't stand
that poor people gotta get used to?
It's pee, man.
(Harper-Rose chuckles)
It's on the subway, in downtown.
- Don't you get that when you have some actors,
some actress you really respect, really like their work
and then you see 'em in an interview,
you find out they're British?
Ugh.
Just like, "I think it's lovely in zombies.
I'm having a smashing time."
No.
- I was so nervous.
And when the reporter asked me
why I painted this Mickey Mouse, I just yelled at her.
I was like, "Uh, I use my hands
to paint Disney things for my parents.
Let's save pandas for comedy."
The headlines of the news says
"Autistic Kid Paints for Parents".
(Harper-Rose chuckles)
That's a TV credit right there.
- Where are you from? You know what I mean?
(Harper-Rose laughs)
(soft piano music)
Where are you from?
- Oh.
I'm from North Carolina.
♪ North Carolina ♪
(Harper-Rose laughs)
- Alright. Goodbye.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
- Oh, okay.
Um...
I'm so sorry, but Lou 'cause it sounds like
there's gonna be too much pee involved.
(Lou laughs)
- Felt good.
You know, finally get picked first for something.
I'm always last.
- David, I like British people
so it seems like we're just not gonna hit it off. (chuckles)
Justin, I'm sorry. (laughs)
- Uh, it didn't feel too good.
I mean, when it comes down to being eliminated
pretty much just lets a person know
that you, you know, you ugly.
But they haven't, you know, seen your face.
- I'm so sorry, but I just... (laughs)
- Man, these are the two hottest guys.
- That's the second best looking guy.
- Yeah.
(all laughing)
(Tommy laughs)
(Harper-Rose laughs)
- First I wanna say that
I haven't been able to get you outta my head, you know.
I don't know if it's the game show centered around you.
- What's up?
- Hey, honey.
- How you doing, bro?
(Harper-Rose laughs)
- I bet you like the nickname I gave you.
- What are some of your biggest like pet peeves?
- Fires. Yeah.
I don't like it when they set me on fire.
- On fire. Okay.
- Just not being yourself.
You're like, you know, you're like,
"What, you don't actually like Simple Plan?
I thought you liked 'em? I bought concert tickets."
- Nice.
- I don't like Simple Plan by the way.
- (laughs) Wait, you don't?
- I do. I love 'em.
I love them. Oh no, I contradicted myself.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
- What is your pet peeves?
- Ooh, when someone smokes cigarettes inside their car.
- Oh, cool. I don't have a car.
We're good.
- Oh, my God. Me either, honey.
Look it, we're already connecting.
- Oh, we can share Uber accounts.
- Oh, I love it.
- God damn.
- My biggest pet peeve is when people wear too much tie dye.
- They usually probably have hair
that would make you look like Jesus too.
- And also you know that you can buy mushrooms from them.
- Oh.
Yeah. Right.
- And then also people that always have bad breath.
- (laughs) Bad breath.
That's something that I recently learned.
Someone offers you gum-
- Oh, you accept.
- You got bad breath.
- Yeah. (Nathan laughs)
- I always keep Listerine strips on me.
- Beautiful. - At all times.
That was a lie. I'm sorry.
I don't wanna start this relationship off with lies.
- Okay, you get one strike.
What do you look for in a relationship?
- I'm a very silly person, so I like girls who do bits.
You're kind of like, it's a ping pong match.
Like maybe we start making inside jokes in the first day
and then by the third day we might be saying crazy stuff
like, "That's what the old Jack Rabbit said",
you know, but...
- Oh, dang. Okay.
(Harper-Rose sighs)
Sweet Nathan.
(horn honks)
I'm so sorry, but I must bid you adieu.
- He gotta pee anyway.
- Wild Card Reid.
(horn honks)
- Wild Card Reid.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
Thanks for the nickname on the way out.
A little bit relieved
'cause now I can be like the bachelor for ABC now.
So 2020, "The Bachelor".
- Here we are again.
- Here we are yet again.
Why did you start comedy?
- I started comedy because I was telling everybody else
to chase their dreams except for myself.
I usually have these epiphanies
that when I look at my hands and I realize it's me
and I went for it and chased my dream to be a comedian.
What about you? What's your goals for 2020?
- My goals are to get representation across the board
and then I would love to do a late night set.
- Set? Wait, so you're a comedian?
- I am a comedian.
- Wow.
- Oh, I know.
- I knew it was love at first curtain.
- I... (laughs) - I knew it was.
- I know.
I'll be there at those open mics with you, honey.
- Oh, well, I can't wait. You've stolen my heart.
All right, well I'm gonna get up
and I'm gonna let you talk to these strangers.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
But me and you have something.
We have something. I feel it.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
- You got a dream? You got a big dream?
- It's to make it out of my studio apartment.
- Oh, we have the same dream.
- Ooh!
(both laugh)
- That is crazy. We have the same dream.
- Look it, the stars are aligned.
- You have any like quirky spots that you don't like?
Like bowling...
- Honestly? Yeah, I think you nailed it with the bowling.
I broke my finger on a first date one time bowling.
And so it just really triggers the bad memories.
- We won't even watch "The Big Lebowsky" okay?
Like bowling is out.
- What would your ideal date be?
- Oh, man. I don't know.
Like a chill restaurant, maybe like walk to a bar after.
- Okay.
- Have a, you know, just something chill.
- Like not too many people around?
- Not enough people to where it feels overcrowded,
but enough people to where if I need to scream,
I could be saved, you know?
- Oh, very true. Yeah, it's important.
Safety first.
- Yeah. - Always.
- I think you're all very lovely.
Um... (laughs)
- Thank you.
- But you know what? I'm a sucker for the keys.
I was wooed by Tommy.
(fart noises)
- Like car keys or...?
All right, man.
- Oh, wow.
Folks, folks, it's been an honor serving with you truly.
- [Deecee] You're breaking my heart here.
- I'll see you on the scene, you know?
(Harper-Rose laughs)
- I gave her my heart and I told her about my hands.
- The more you lose, the more you learn.
You know what I mean?
Look at LeBron James. He loses more finals than he has won.
- She decided to pick what? Piano guy?
We're all comics.
Who brings pianos to a comic?
I'm frustrated. That's what I am.
(chair clacking)
(Harper-Rose coughs)
- [Paulo] Do you guys wanna see each other?
- Uh-huh.
(Harper-Rose giggles)
(tense upbeat music)
- Oh! (chuckles) My God.
(Harper-Rose laughs)
- Wow. Beautiful.
- I like that your socks match.
- Nice, nice. These are Walmart socks.
I was not aware they would be revealed.
- [Harper-Rose] Okay.
- But your socks...
- Thank you. These are Rite Aid socks, so...
- Rite Aid. - Sorry to brag.
- Classy. Wow. - Thank you.
- [Paulo] Do you think you made the right choice?
- I do think I made the right choice.
- Oh, so did I.
- Yeah. (giggles)
- I was like looking at all these guys
when I was like, "Definitely her."
- Yeah.
- [Paulo] Would you go on a date with him?
- I would, yeah.
(Harper-Rose giggles)
- [Paulo] Where would you go?
- Bowling alley?
- Yeah, let's go to a bowling alley.
- Okay.
(both laughing)
- (blows raspberries) This is the big time, baby.
A real date, you know? (chuckles)
God, can't wait to call my mom and be like,
"It took a game show, but I finally got one." (chuckles)
(upbeat music)
- Thank you, Chrissy.
If you wanna check her out,
make sure to download the TikTok app,
follow her, and watch her amazing content.
Thank you so much for watching
another episode of "Versus 1".
Make sure to click that like button,
subscribe, and we'll see you next time.
Peace.
(upbeat music)