I wanna introduce you to Dr. Paula Bruce.
She is the founder, CEO and Clinical Director
of Paula E. Bruce, PhD & Associates.
Now, she is a Los Angeles-based
clinical forensic psychologist
who specializes in working
with difficult couples and families.
Now, Dr. Paula, thanks so much for being here, number one.
(audience applauds)
Clearly, this is a very busy situation.
But they say no agenda other than
the best interests of the child.
I say that is absolutely absurd.
You've studied this situation, what do you see?
Well, it seems quite obvious there is a lot going on here.
And I think there's probably a lot
in each of their own individual histories
that has informed how they've approached parenting
and how they've approached conflict between each other.
There's lots of worries about abandonment
in this family, and I think those are things that,
that they need to understand,
understanding what has motivated the decisions
that each of them has made.
And we don't have to go into a lot of detail here,
but you didn't feel safe in your family of origin.
No.
And his family,
who you had great affection for,
really became your family. Yes, absolutely.
That's where you felt safe.
that's where you felt structure.
Yes.
And, as Dr. Bruce is talking about,
that got pulled away from you.
Absolutely.
You get, your marriage goes away,
your jobs goes away,
the family that you had become a member of goes away.
And then, to add insult to injury,
they evict you from the home.
Yeah, right.
And so, everything that you experienced initially
in your family gets put on repeat.
All over again, yeah.
And so, you get pretty panicky and clingy
about your son. Oh yes.
Because you're like, "I do not want this
"to happen to him".
That's what I feel like, absolutely.
If you can understand that,
that will help you to be able to figure out
what you need to calm down
so that you don't act from this place of emergency,
because it's having an effect on your child,
and it's having an effect on you being able
to resolve this issue between you and your ex husband.
You sent text messages to your son
that have been manipulative.
"The boys cried in the morning", talking about his brothers.
"The boys cried in the morning when they woke up
"and you weren't here.
"Not to mention, I cried myself to sleep
"and didn't get to bed until 3:00 a.m.
"over this crap with you and your dad.
"I was crying because of you doing this.
"Thanks son, I'm very disappointed in you".
That's why I say you don't wanna get
anywhere near this courthouse.
You're pretty impulsive.
Would you agree with that?
Yeah.
What do you see here?
Yes, I agree.
It seems, Mike, that you form relationships really quickly.
I mean, you've talked about multiple broken
engagements in the last several years.
And there's this dynamic here
which suggests that it works well for you
when you feel like things are going well
between you and others.
There's this need to be really light.
But the moment that they discover any disappointment in you,
I think it's really, really hard for you
to sustain that contact,
and then you break off the relationship, and things turn.
If I were advising you, and I am,
I would not go into that courtroom tomorrow,
because you are both vulnerable,
and I don't like inviting the government into
a family if it can be resolved otherwise.