- When I was 15, I was in a charity shop in the UK.
You might call them thrift stores
and I'm spinning around a book carousel.
Suddenly a self-help book called,
"The Magic of Thinking Big" caught my eye.
The back cover promised a lot of things.
It said that I would acquire the secrets of success,
(money chimes)
achieve everything I've always wanted,
(money chimes)
personal prosperity, (money chimes)
financial security, (money chimes)
power and influence, (money chimes)
the ideal job, (money chimes)
satisfying relationships, (money chime)
a rewarding and enjoyable life.
(money chime)
I was all in cause this was everything I wanted and more.
The price was 50 pence, which is the equivalent
of around 70 U.S. cents or 0.00018 Bitcoin.
Talk about a return on investment.
In fact, I still have my original copy
and I love it so much.
I refer to it every single year.
So in this video, I distill the most essential lessons
from a book that's been instrumental
in helping me have a very successful tech career
where I was making half a million dollars a year
at the age of 30 with no college degree
to now building a big coaching business
that's recognized by all kinds of global media outlets
and makes millions of dollars a year.
But first do me a favor and hit the like button
so the YouTube algorithm knows to show this video
to more people just like you
and Hey, maybe Coco will get a little treat
for every like that we get.
David J. Schwartz, the author's words opened up
a whole new world of possibilities within me.
Published in 1959, the language
in this book was hilariously masculine,
very American and of its time,
but it didn't bother me in the least.
In fact, I found it rather charming.
David said things like, "Aspire beyond material wealth,"
and also "Never skip a Sunday at church."
Isn't that sweet.
But my favorite bit was when he told me
that if I wanted to attain true success
I would need to have a happy wife
and to appreciate my secretary too.
I mean, what gems for a 15-year-old girl, right?
But having grown up on welfare
and living in domestic violence shelters with my sister
and my mom as a kid, I had a pretty lousy money mentality.
I thought money would always be tight in my life.
I was brought up to believe
that wealthy people were just lucky or even evil.
I didn't even know how to seek out opportunities
or that I could study the habits of successful people.
This book opened a door
within me that I just, I didn't know existed.
It's like a training program for the brain
and it sold over 6 million copies,
making it one of the highest selling,
personal development books of all time.
So here are the six core principles I've adopted
from "The Magic of Thinking Big" to make millions.
The first is to develop the power
of belief and make your mind produce positive thoughts.
For decades, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT,
has examined how our thoughts create our emotions
and then how our emotions lead to our behavior.
And then our behavior, it drives our entire life.
So as I started to coach more
and more clients early in my career
I realized that the whole "Change your thoughts,
change your life" thing is a lot easier said than done
when we have thousands of thoughts a day;
however, I felt there were two burning questions.
Number one, what drives our thoughts?
It's our beliefs.
And then secondly, how do you change your beliefs?
And this has become the core
of what I teach in my coaching membership,
Self Coaching Society.
Your beliefs create your world.
Things that happen externally,
out of our control are filtered by our belief system
which interprets and assigns meaning to these things,
almost like a worldview.
These beliefs are a mental acceptance
of a claim as likely being true.
and they're shaped by all kinds of external forces, friends
life experiences, family, education, social media, culture,
where you live, politics, the news,
and your own personal biases.
Your beliefs then drive your thoughts,
which create your emotions that lead
to your behavior and results.
When I wanted to become a life coach
I had two competing beliefs of my own.
So to combat my fears, I created simple steps to make sense
of my thoughts and feelings, using an exercise
that I called The Mind Motor Method to bring me clarity.
I had a lot of fears
about my vision of becoming a life coach
and pinpointed the biggest unsupportive
and negative one at the time
which was my belief that it's impossible to get clients.
This belief led to thoughts like, "It's hot out there.
Is this a total waste of time?
It would be so embarrassing if I had to go back
and work for someone else
because I couldn't make a living at this."
Those thoughts would then drive emotions
and my emotions were fearful ones
like dread, trepidation, apathy, sadness
and feelings of unworthiness.
Then when it came to action, well, we act on how we feel.
And well, if I felt that way, there'd be no action
because the future with this belief is risky and bleak.
So I'm just gonna sit on my couch and eat Doritos.
But what if I consciously upgraded and replace the belief
with something that could also be true?
Being conscious and deliberate
with a belief upgrade here is critical.
What if the belief I nurtured instead was,
people seek out passionate life coaches every day.
It's a high growth industry.
Then my thoughts would be, there are 8 billion people
on planet earth and how many have problems?
All of them.
There's so much opportunity for me
and "Hey, I think I even know someone
who can help me create a website."
As for my emotions with that thinking
I would then feel energized, awake, determined, and hopeful.
And my actions, well, I get busy yesterday.
Do you see how a belief directly drives your actions
and therefore creates your entire life experience?
Quick side note.
If you want to learn more about this method
I host a totally free workshop where I run through it
in more detail.
Head on over to Becomeyourownlifecoach.com for more info.
The link also in the description
so you can check it out later.
The second core takeaway from the book is to use action
to cure fear and build confidence.
Everyone faces fear at some points.
This includes showing confidence
even when you don't feel like it.
When you're a kid on a diving board,
you don't wanna be the one up there overthinking it.
Action is the only thing that can be an antidote
to your fear.
Here's how I've taken action
even when I'm scared.
I'll reach out to someone I want to meet
even I if I think they'll ignore my message.
I'll pitch a media outlet that I think is out of my league.
I've even said yes to speaking opportunities
and live appearances even when I'm really nervous.
A core component of doing this leads us
to the third major takeaway from the book
which is to overcome your fear of other people.
Fear of other people is a big one
but you have to put other people into perspective.
I recall a few times I got to see the inner workings
of successful people
and this made me a lot less nervous around them.
When I was around 18, I was a babysitter
for a famous primetime news anchor
in Australia who was really sensitive about big reviews.
I also worked for a really successful CEO
who told me his mom always felt sad
and he felt guilty about it, that he never went to college
even after selling three different companies
for hundreds of millions of dollars.
I've also coached some pretty big time influences
who revealed
to me that they're really scared to lose their following.
They check their likes constantly
and they live worried about being canceled.
When you see the behind the scenes
we realize we are all the same.
There are only two core human fears
and all fears boil down into one of these two buckets.
I don't have enough and I am not enough.
People are just people.
They have the same fears
and they don't have to make you nervous.
This leads us to the fourth, big takeaway,
add value to things, to people, and to yourself.
Money is created by providing value.
We pay for value.
I was hired as a salesperson
in the tech world for over a decade
because I added value by bringing in deals, a lot of deals.
And as I mentioned, this resulted
in me earning half a million dollars a year
by the time I was 30 years old.
The key was that I'd make deals with clients
that served their goals
and as a life coach
even when I started out at a hundred dollars an hour
I got a lot of renewals and referrals
because I help people work through their problems.
I help them think bigger
and attract more of everything they wanted
to be, do, and have into their life.
In the book, the author uses real estate
as an example to this.
Here we say, "How do you bring value to a house
for example?"
Look for ideas to make things worth more constantly.
And when it comes to adding value to people,
"How can you help bring out the best in a person?"
Think about that.
Can you visualize them at their best
and help them see what they can be?
Like the time I helped a friend overcome her nerves
in launching her first book.
As a fellow author, I reminded her
that she is not her book sales
nor is she a ranking on a bestseller list
and it's so brave that she even just got this far.
And the most important thing was just
for her to do her best and let the outcome be the outcome.
The action is the only part that we can control.
And when it comes to adding value to yourself,
ask yourself daily in the mirror,
"What can I do to make myself more valuable today?"
I like to think of ways that I can give more,
uplift more, help people more,
by sharing better, upgraded, clearer thinking and beliefs.
I love to look for areas to encourage people,
to help them and support them.
This then makes me more valuable as a content creator,
a coach, and a human being.
The fifth takeaway is to look important
because it helps you think important.
Okay, Okay.
This isn't about burying yourself
in debt or spending loads of money
to look like you're being fake rich, okay?
I even did this on a $28,000 per year salary
in my first sales job as a recruiter.
I had two tricks.
I'd always wear a blazer and pearl earrings,
both from H&M and both $30 or less.
In fact, these are from Primark, a UK store,
you get 10 pairs for one pound, which is like a $1.20.
I remember RuPaul said, "Just wear a blazer.
You'll be paid more."
It's sad, but true that we're judged on our appearance
and that's the truth.
"The Magic Of Thinking Big" says,
"Looking sharp helps you think sharp" and think about it,
it's true, right, because the pandemic
and wearing pajamas every day certainly didn't bring out
the best in me.
But I noticed on days that I made an effort to dress nicely,
my output and my energy were just better.
You owe it to others, but most importantly to yourself
to look your best.
This sixth and final takeaway is
to become more likable by making yourself lighter to lift.
I made another video on how to be really likable
around new people and that's worth checking out
because this is such a critical skill,
I wish you were taught in school.
After a certain point, it's clear whether or not
a person can do their job, but what makes a person a leader
and go further than others?
It's the support of other people
and there's no avoiding this.
In LinkedIn's 2019 Global Talent Trend report,
it showed that 92% of talented professionals
and hiring managers say that soft skills are just
as important or even more important than hard skills
and a Yahoo Finance article even said
that soft skills are actually essential skills
and soft skills include communication, teamwork,
relationship building, balance, and reliability.
Are you a good communicator?
Are you a great team player?
Are you easy to have a great relationship with?
Here are some "Magic of Thinking Big" hacks
that will do a bit of rapid fire to close this video out.
Remember people's names
and don't ever say, "I'm bad with names."
Come on.
You're an adult.
Just remember.
Be easygoing and relaxed.
You don't wanna be someone
whose feathers are always easily ruffled.
Don't pretend to know it all.
No one likes an ego.
I love this one.
Be interesting.
Read up on different topics to add value to conversations
and also be interested in other people.
It's flattering.
This is important too.
Get out the scratchy sandpapery elements
out of your personality that could be putting people off
without you realizing it.
And never miss an opportunity to congratulate
or sincerely praise someone.
These skills make you really easy to elevate.
I'll never forget the time I worked
with a really brilliant woman.
She was smart.
She was quick.
She was so bright, but she carried her ego with her.
She always knew better than everyone else.
She had no idea that she was so abrasive
and snappy until she worked
with a coach who made her get peer feedback.
I knew that her lack of soft skills really held her back
until she became more aware.
And you don't wanna let that person be you.
Thanks for checking out this video.
Be sure to check out the other video
that goes deeper on that final point,
showing you how to be more likable around new people.