Okay Paul, we are going to take on kind of a difficult topic, ready? It's a little
anxiety burbling - yep. How to teach driving skills to your teenager. This can
be a really harrowing experience. We can we've taught 4 teenagers how to drive
and I know some of you are teaching more than that and some of you may not be at
that point yet. It can be kind of nerve-wracking because think about it.
You're entrusting someone with your most expensive, most dangerous asset. You know,
it really is it I think that we have to be aware whether our child is really
responsible and ready. You know we talk so talking about stage versus age - right -
and just because they had their 16th birthday doesn't necessarily mean that
there are a 100% ready to get behind the wheel because it is a tool. It
is a actually a weapon it can be. It's a very dangerous tool that we're put in
our childhood. So make sure that they're in the right stage that they are
presenting with responsibility. They and us. Yeah we've got to be in the mental
place too. Everybody's going to be ready for this and you may not ever feel fully
ready for this as a parent. But at least be in that space where you're like, "Okay,
I'm ready. I can take this on." Because keeping your cool is going to be an
important part of this. And your team, I think you've introduced this nicely
Vicki. It's about stage not age. Not every teenager is ready at the same point to
take on the responsibilities of driving. Some of them don't even want to. We had a
couple of kids at least one that waited until a little while longer than - weren't
ready, right? - yes, and that's okay. Hmm-hmm. Vicki, I think one of the things
that makes this hard is that we see things through our own filters, through
our own lenses. And if you've been driving for years or decades, there's a
lot of things that come very naturally to you that will not
to come naturally to your teenager when they get behind that wheel. So we want to
be patient. But I think it's really important also to remember that there's
a difference between being good and being experienced. Okay, so we're talking
about skills versus kind of the programmed experience - right. So there
your teenager may have some really great skills and they know the information but
they don't have the experience yet. So just be I think really cautious not to
say, "You're a bad driver". Because that is probably not true. They haven't even
driven long enough to truly prove that one way or not. I thought of an example
of where this is very true. When you're driving to remain safe, you have to be
aware of what's happening in 360 degrees around this car and in some news stories
I've seen, even up and down as a concern. There's a small plane that landed on a
freeway - right - not too long ago. This comes naturally to you because you've
practiced it enough - experience - it's almost like a second awareness that's
going on and it's not conscious - mm-hmm - it's more of a subconscious awareness.
Your kids don't have that yet. So you'll be like, "Didn't you see that?" No, they
didn't. Because they're not trained or experienced enough to see that yet. And
that reason another tip that we can give you is as you're driving, talk about some
of the different things. What is the speed limit right here. How many cars are
parked along? Did you see the cars that are parked? We're coming up to a big
intersection, you're going to want to watch for the cross traffic if they're going to
stop at the light . So you're kind of talking them through the things that for
you has become second nature but that's only because you have experienced. These
preparatory exercises can happen before they ever get behind the wheel. So as
you're anticipating that your teen will be getting their learner's permit
or soon getting into the driver's seat of that car. As they're riding in the car
with you in the driver's seat, you can start to ask them questions. What's the
speed limit here? And they're like, "I'm aware of it right?" Yes because they
haven't ever tracked that before and then they'll see a sign.
"Oh it's 35". Good - or maybe how many cars are stopping at this 4-way stop? Right. Is
there a child in the yard across the street? See and then they can start to
practice that before they ever get behind the wheel. That's a key component.
Here's another tip. Start small. Hmm... Start slow.
Don't put them on the freeway in the middle of a snowstorm, in the middle of
the night, okay? Towing a trailer - right. Leave out the
complications. Empty parking lot. You know, I actually love Costco parking lot. They
have really big parking stall. Great place to learn parking. But find a place.
But not Costco on Saturday afternoon. Oh no, no, no. Yeah. We're talking Costco you
know on my whole morning before they open or the church on a Thursday night.
Find it an empty space. Now they get to practice some of these skills in there
until they gain a certain level of competence and then you can venture out
onto the streets. Even then you're going to start with back streets. You're going to
start slow. This helps them too because there's less anxiety. I have talked to
some parents Vicki where they're like, "I'm just going throw them in. This sink
or swim." Not my car, it's not. So take it slow.
Do yourself a favor. Do them a favor. Vicki, earlier you mentioned that the
questions are helpful to raise the awareness. You know what's the speed
limit here? It's easy as a parent to jump into like drill sergeant mode and
telling them what they're doing wrong like, "You're going too fast!"
Yeah - which causes them to be more tense. So we can use that same question to
coach them and guide them through the question. What's the speed limit here?
Well, that also helps them to learn the self regulation because at some point
you're not going to be in the car with them and and if they're always relying
on you telling them if they're going too fast. That's not as productive as them
constantly monitoring and changing it for themselves - right. And give them
plenty of notice when you're giving directions. So we're
going to be turning left in one more block - right. I have a special
needs niece who has the most uncanny directional sense. She can write anywhere
she's been before. But what happens is I'll take her maybe to her skating class
and as we pass, she goes, "Turn there." As we've just passed. So make sure you give your
your new driver lots of time so we're going to get in the left lane because
about three blocks down we're going to want to turn left. We acknowledged
earlier that there are certain situations in driving that are easier
than others. Fold daylight, no cloud in the sky on a
very rural kind of a street. That's a different experience from being in the
thick of freeway traffic during rush hour or driving in a snowstorm or a
blizzard or having or State Street construction. A construction zone where
you have to move all over the place. So be very selective about that. We want
them to have some successful experiences early on. That gives them some confidence.
It helps them to develop the basic skill sets and the awareness that's necessary.
We talked about that 360 degree awareness. That they're not going to be
able to tune into if you throw them into the hard stuff first. But probably the
most important that we can go with is just to remember - stay calm.
Oh did we mention? Stay calm? It's going to take some effort on your part but stay
calm. I remember my kids tell me. "Dad, you're
making me nervous!" Because I was nervous right? Yeah so do some breathing, do some
self-care whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. We've got other
videos about that. I hope you survive this and I'm glad that you're here. Would
you please share this video with someone else? You know somebody who's teaching
their teenager how to drive. Go to our channel and subscribe and you'll get
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you be a great parent.