I can't believe I found a place with no predators.
Are you sure about that?
Oh dear...
AAAAAAAGH!
Om Nom Nom Nom Nom!
Hey Bella! I'm so glad you're going to be living with me now.
Whatever, Dad.
We're going to have the best time!
Ooooh! Let’s go beat up that guy.
You ready to die?
Hi! I’m Jacob.
Sorry.
My dad is so embarrassing.
I think it's kind of cute like you.
Why did you say?
I'm going to fall in love with your daughter...
Uh what?
Spoiler Alert!
I got to go to school now.
Hey Bella. Call the hospital.
So, Bella, since you're new here, you need to know who the popular people are
Whaa? Who is that?
That's Edward.
(moderately offensive belch)
Yeah, I like that.
(almost silent but completely deadly flatulence)
I'm dangerous.
I like that, too.
You're weird.
I know...
Welcome to the class Bella. Tell us about yourself.
I don't believe in bathing.
(sudden disgust)
So what have we got here?
I’m scared.
Are you a loan?
Because you certainly have my interest...
If you were a fruit.
You would be a fineapple...
Are you Australian?
Because you meet all of my koalafications...
Do you get it?
Because it's an animal in Australia?
Hey Tyler, can you take that girl out for me?
YEAAAHHHH!!
Geez Tyler. I meant like on a date.
It was that night that I began watching Bella in her sleep.
What did you say?
Awkward.
Edward, where did you go?
Do you get it?
Because I’m Batman...
Good thing there’s not maneating vampires in this movie.
You sure about that?
Who are you?
The bad guys?
Haha! And you are lunch.
Oh dear.
Bella, I have a secret to tell you.
I'm -
A vampire?
I was going to say I'm 108 years old, but yeah.
Mmmm. I’ve always like older men...
And you’re 17. This is wrong...
Then I don't want to be right.
Plus, I get all sparkly in the sunlight.
See, we would never work out.
You look like you've been working out.
And thanks for unbuttoning your shirt to show me that.
It’s for the target audience!
*sobbing in glitter vampire*
I love you! Listen to me, Bella.
As a vampire, I want to kill you.
I guess you could say you're pretty obsessed with me.
But I can't do it.
And it's literally torturing me.
YEAAARRRGGGHHHHH!
How terrible of an example to young people would we be if we got together?
So when am I going to meet your parents?
Hello, vampire family.
This is my human girlfriend.
We’re a couple.
And we're a couple too.
But aren't you brother and sister?
We're adopted! [We’re okay with it...]
Okay...
And we're a couple too.
What's wrong with him?
We really don't make eye contact with him.
(threatening hiss)
So do you like nature?
Eww! I hate it.
Then we're going tree climbing!
Weeeee!!
So, dad, I'm dating a vampire now
hit like if you think I should smash.
I'll get the stakes.
So what do you want to do today?
Something romantic?
Yeah, we're going to do something that all vampires are known to be great at.
Oh yeah.
Playin baseball.
Oh.
This scene seems really out of place.
It's so we can finally rejoin the movie.
Who’s that?
The bad guys!
Why do they look like they're on roller skates?
We see you have a human.
Please let us eat her.
No!
Ok. We will go now.
Good thing that's over. You don't understand they lied.
One of them a tracker. And he won't stop until he kills you.
I think we should all split up. That's dumb. You're dumb.
Have you not been listening to a word I've been saying?
I think if you want this
relationship to work, you need to let me do what I want!
Fine!
Besides, it's not like the evil vampires can just find me no problem...
Hi there!
Oh crap! They found me no problem!
And now you’re gonna die!
And now you're gonna die.
Wait, let us kill him.
I never get to do what I want.
Well he dead.
Why don't you save your girlfriend. She's been bitten.
Uh oh! Don’t worry Bella. I'll save you.
Please don’t .I want to be a vampire.
No, it's my choice.
But isn't it really mine though?
No!
C’mon pretty please!
I SAID NO!
Odinsleep...
Yay! You lived!
Now we can be happy together forever.
Least until you get old and die, and then I can find another 17 year old girl.
Wait! Isn’t the bad girl vampire still out there?
Shouldn’t we be worried?
Who cares? I'm actually more worried about the other things that live nearby.
What could possibly be worse than evil vampires?
Hey there. ruff ruff.