- When people don't set boundaries with the universe,
they end up getting a lot of what they don't want,
and they find it very challenging
to get more of what they do want.
So if you want to learn how to get more of what you want,
and less of what you don't want, this video is for you.
I'm gonna show you the magic
of setting boundaries with the universe,
why it's so important and three easy steps to doing so
that will absolutely transform your life.
So first off with setting boundaries,
understand that having boundaries displays and shows value.
So think about it.
Somebody that doesn't feel valuable,
someone that doesn't feel worthy,
normally has a lot of trouble setting boundaries.
This is someone that may turn into a people pleaser,
where they're trying to please everyone around them.
This is somebody that has trouble saying no.
And this is somebody that normally
will let people walk all over them.
A lot of times, this is somebody that also feels
like they always have to over-explain themselves.
And it's almost like in a way
the energy field is kind of leaky.
Think about it.
Think of the skin on your body is the boundary
between you and the external world.
When people have trouble setting boundaries,
it's like they're getting pulled
in many different directions.
They're tuning themselves to other people.
And it's almost like you feel
like you're a leaf in the wind.
And with the universe it's a similar type thing.
If we don't set boundaries within ourself,
the universe is going to mirror back
and send us a whole bunch of situations
that may not really resonate with us.
And also situations is that kind of prove to us
that we don't have our own power.
So back just a couple years,
even like two years ago and still to this day,
there's different levels of boundaries that I'm learning,
but one person that is amazing
at setting boundaries in my life is actually my assistant.
She's also my friend, her name's Ayla.
She's amazing.
She's been with me for a year,
and I have learned one thing she is just amazing at
is setting boundaries with people without feeling guilty.
For example, here's something funny that happened.
So I just moved into this new house.
Okay, now, when it comes to boundaries,
and the first thing that I say with this,
and the first thing before I get too much in to it,
just so it's two minutes in
and I haven't even revealed the first one.
So what is it?
But it's learning to speak your truth.
It's learning to speak your truth.
And when you are able to speak your truth,
it completely changes the energy
and it's also more authentic.
Now, let me give you the example of this.
Right in this spot, actually, this happened.
So this is the new house that I just moved into.
It's beautiful. I love it.
And my assistant flew in
and helped move the whole entire house
with the whole moving crew of eight people.
She was managing them, showing things where to go,
stuff like that.
Now, there was this one guy on the crew who,
when I came to this house, when I came here,
I was here to help Ayla show where things go.
I'm like, "Oh, the bookcases go over there.
The couches go here," stuff like that.
Some of it she figured out, most of it actually,
but anyways, what happened was
there was this one guy on the crew
that just kept talking to us.
They're all moving stuff.
And there was this one guy who just kept talking,
kept asking us questions.
Not where stuff goes,
but he kept talking about tequila and all this other stuff.
And I should throw a house party once I move in,
and he should be invited and like all of this stuff.
And we're just crazy focused
on getting stuff and having people move in,
move this over, move this over there.
And he kept talking to us,
and I was like, "Damn, this guy just does not stop talking.
He just needs to keep working or something like that."
Because he's throwing us off; He's throwing Ayla and I off.
And she's talking to the guy that owns the company
that was here too, nice guy.
And basically, what she says is,
normally, sometimes with me, to just say,
"Dude, you need to stop talking and just work,
'cause I didn't wanna be the bad guy, I guess."
Eric, the guy that owns the company, said something to her.
She's like, "And he needs to stop socializing over there."
She just bluntly said it.
She's like, "He needs to stop socializing over there
because he's throwing us off,
and we have to get all this stuff done."
And that was her way of setting the boundary.
And after that, it was all good.
The alternative to that would've been we say,
oh, we just kind of put it to the side.
He keeps trying to talk to us.
'Cause every two or three minutes,
he'd ask us questions and try talking to us.
And it was hard to focus on something.
What are you saying? Tequila, house party?
But even though it was somewhat uncomfortable,
it also displayed like, "Hey, we're here to do stuff.
This is not acceptable to do that,
to just keep talking and keep taking us off track."
And it was very interesting
because I could feel in my body a little bit of tension.
I was like, "Ooh, I hope his feelings aren't hurt."
She has another funny story about this too
where she's so good at setting boundaries.
One thing, you guys know how people use sage
to go through a house and clear negative energy?
I have a friend, my friend Patty.
She diets different plants.
And diets the plant means
you eat a very low-stimulating diet, not a lot of salt.
And then what you do is you take tea
of a certain plant that you're connecting with.
And she's done that with sage.
And each of these, she's done it with rose, with sage,
all these other plants and stuff.
And one thing she said about sage
is sage helps you learn boundaries.
So something I recommend to you guys do maybe
is get some sage.
But it's funny because each of these plants
have a different energy.
So when she was dieting rose,
it's loving and very connective and feminine.
And then sage is more to the point.
You need to say no; you need to draw boundaries.
But the reason I say that is
because sometimes when I think of my assistant Ayla,
she's a very good embodiment of the energy of sage
because she's able to set boundaries so easily with people.
Another story, she was at the Whole Foods months ago,
a long time ago.
And she was shopping at Whole Foods.
Some random guy just came up to her and started asking her
about, "Hey I'm thinking about buying this."
And she was sitting, getting juice
at the the Whole Foods or something like that.
And some guy comes up to her and goes,
"So I'm thinking of getting this Apple notebook or iPad.
I don't know which one to get."
Blah, blah, blah, and just starts talking to her.
And she literally was like,
"Why don't you just go to the Apple Store?
Go to the Apple Store to find out.
Why are you asking me?"
And she literally said, "Why are you asking me?"
And some people might look at that and be like,
"Oh that seems mean," or something like that.
But I'd be thinking the same thing.
Bro, why are you asking me about an Apple?
I don't know, I'm not an Apple worker or something.
You know what I mean?
Somebody kind of in a certain way invaded her space,
and she drew the boundary.
So speaking your truth is a way of getting it
so that those things don't continue to happen.
It's almost like if you have a low sense of boundaries,
the universe will keep giving you experiences
and things that show you that you don't have boundaries.
This is also something that I've learned
from me doing my own live events
and stuff like that in retreats
is back in the day I had trouble setting boundaries.
So I'd go in, and sometimes I feel like I'd be pulled
in a hundred different directions.
But what's funny is the more I worked
on my own sense of boundaries,
the more in my body I felt,
the less I'd feel weird things would happen.
I've had things happen
where I was doing plant medicine four years ago.
And in the middle of ceremony,
somebody that knew me from my videos came over
and got on top of me.
It was a very interesting experience.
But that was a reflection of my own lack of boundaries.
And now that I have a different energy,
I don't even have to worry about that.
It's very interesting.
So that's the first one.
I wanted to share some stories with that too.
Now speaking your truth and being vulnerable
will get you so far.
So that's the first one
is speaking what's actually true for you,
even if there's a little bit of tension.
But what that's displaying to the universe
is you are authentically expressing yourself.
The second thing is learning to say no, learning to say no.
When you say no to something, you say yes to something else.
I've shared this little story many times,
but there was a time when I was really busy,
getting ready to go to Costa Rica
in November of, two years ago.
And when I was getting ready to do that,
I had a friend's birthday party.
And I couldn't say no, even though I love this person.
She's still one of my best friends.
It was so hard for me to say no
that I ended up canceling photo shoots
and all this other stuff so that I could drive 10 hours away
to a place that had no airport close by.
I was extremely sacrificing my own life, my own self
just so I could do this,
because I literally couldn't say no.
And it ended up being fun and everything.
And I don't regret it.
But at the same time I look back,
and I can see that I just had no sense of boundaries.
It was so hard for me to even say no
to friends that wanted to hang out
or wanted me to come do things.
And eventually, as I said no, I felt so empowered.
And then less people after I say no,
it's like I just didn't feel.
I knew that if somebody was mad
that I wasn't gonna come do something
or something like that, sacrifice myself,
that was their stuff to deal with, not mine.
And with the universe, it's the same thing.
If we keep saying yes
to the abusive boyfriend or girlfriend,
if we keep saying yes to the emotionally unavailable person,
if we keep saying yes to a job that we hate,
if we keep saying yes to a boss talking down to us,
then we will keep that in our lives.
I remember I had this guy I worked with at Nordstrom's,
and the manager at Nordstrom's
back in the day, before she got fired,
was an extreme narcissist, just like my ex-stepmom.
She would talk down to people.
Even make people cry with how she would talk to people.
And she just got away with it
'cause she was protected by upper management.
There was this one guy I worked with.
I think his name was Roland.
And we were working, and then she took him in the back,
talked to him the way she talks to us.
He literally said,
"You don't talk to me like that."
Called her the B-word and walked out and quit the job.
And when I look back at that,
I could see that he just had a standard that says,
"People do not talk to me like this.
And I won't take it even if it is a job."
That's a certain level of boundaries.
I bet you from him doing that,
he doesn't have as many narcissists
or people trying to take advantage of his energy
'cause he says no to it.
Isn't that interesting?
But that's literally how the universe works.
The universe gives us more and more of what we say yes to
and less and less of what we say no to.
But we have to stay in our own frame for this.
That's another part of this is frame.
Are you in your own frame, are you leading in your own life?
Because people that have weak boundaries
tend to not have as much frame.
They're looking for frame from other people.
They're looking for other people to tell them
what to do or how to be and tuning to others.
And the power of this is when we let go of that,
we start being in our own frame,
and that's why one of the most powerful ways
you can can set boundaries,
and it's probably one of
the most important transformational things I've ever shared
that I do in my videos.
It's learning how to set values.
Because values make up our identity,
and we get in life a direct reflection
of who we believe we are.
So the way we're showing up in the world.
If we value other people's validation,
if we value what other people think,
if we value other people's frame telling us what to do.
Then we will do anything we can subconsciously
to remain consistent to that.
However, when it comes to this understanding of frame,
understand that most people's values
have been given to them from childhood.
Most people have not got clear
on what their values are for their new identity.
And once you become clear of what your values are,
you can start living according to that,
then you're able to set boundaries
with things that are outside of those values.
So as I've started to value vulnerability,
which is the first one I shared, right?
Vulnerability, being able to express yourself,
and authenticity.
I value that over caring what people think of me.
Because of that, my boundaries are,
and the boundaries for the universe are,
that it's more important for me to be vulnerable,
it's more important for me to be authentic
than it is for me to get someone to like me.
Because I've reorganized those values,
it changes everything in my own energy.
It changes the way I show up in the world.
This is something Tony Robbins teaches a lot too,
by the way.
I always used to think when I saw him teaching this
that it was not that important.
But now I know it is everything.
'Cause your values make up your identity.
Your values make up how you show up in the world.
And most people,
what's important is to become aware of your values.
Some people value connection.
There's six human needs mainly.
There's certainty, uncertainty, connection
there's contribution, there's growth,
and there's significance, feeling special.
These are all six human needs.
And what happens is people have these
in a very conflicting order.
Imagine significance is at the top.
You wanna feel special; you want people to notice you.
You're gonna act very differently
if that's your number one value
than if your number one value is connection
and feeling connection to other people.
Or it's growth or it's contribution
and contributing to the community
or your family or whatever.
So the reason I share this with you
is once I reorganized my values,
it became so much easier for me to set boundaries.
And then I also had the ability to see
that if people cross the line and start to,
if certain things in my life start
to compromise those values, that's the boundary.
So become clear as to what is okay to you
and what is not okay for you.
Is it okay for someone to take your energy
or to emotionally manipulate you?
Because some people think that's okay
because in childhood it was okay for their parents to do it.
But when you become aware of what's happening,
awareness is always the first step,
what then happens is you begin to take your power back.
But since I've been in my own frame,
since I've been in my own body as well,
and feeling the separation between me and the outer world
and not tuning to everybody else,
since I've been changing that energy and been present,
it changes absolutely everything.
Since I've been saying no, since I've been vulnerable,
and since I've been living according to these new values,
it has changed absolutely everything.
Now there is a PDF that is absolutely free
that will show you step by step
how to go through a process of transformation
of awareness, letting go, and letting in.
And this entails as well
as how to embody this type of energy.
It's a free PDF you can download below.
So click the link below to check that out,
or go to aarondoughty.com/pdf.
And then also there is a video right here
that shows you what is called the frame technique.
One of the most powerful techniques I've ever learned,
and this will change your life if you watch it
and you begin to apply it for the next 21 days.
People that are highly sensitive or empathic,
what happens is when they were kids, when they were younger,
they went through some type of trauma
where they had to tune themselves.