- Hey this is Marisa Peer.
A month when we start off
with all these great resolutions.
I'm never, ever, ever going to eat
even a tiny bit of chocolate again.
I'm going to get out of bed early everyday.
I'm going to go to the gym.
I'm going to be the most calm, reasonable,
logical spouse or parent.
And our great resolutions fail
and then we feel like a failure.
So how are you getting on with dry January?
(upbeat music)
New year, it's a new me and I'm gonna feel so good.
I'm not gonna drink.
I'm not gonna eat candy.
I'm not gonna have any meat at all.
And then we think, "Oh this is hard.
This is difficult.
I can't do it."
And then we feel like a failure.
So here's the thing,
whenever you give yourself something that is restrictive,
"I'm going to take away all the good stuff from my diet
and just live on mung beans and lentils.
I'm just going to drink water.
I'm going to have black coffee
and never have mochas or cappuccinos or lattes."
If it's restrictive you feel restricted.
When you say "I can't do that, I mustn't do that,
I'm not allowed to do that".
You know what happens?
Your desire goes up.
It's like saying "I'm not going to pee
for the next two hours."
If you start to say that guess what you think about?
"I need to pee now."
"I'm not going to swallow or scratch my nose"
'cause in order to not think about something
you have to think about something.
So having a dry January, don't think about drinking,
don't think about a glass of wine,
don't think about a cold beer.
Of course you think about that.
Now I actually think resolutions not good.
I made resolutions every year, the same ones.
No sugar, go to the gym, drink tonnes of water,
be virtuous, and I never stuck to any of them.
Then I think "Well nevermind,
Chinese New Year's coming up I'll do that
and I've got the Jewish New Year
and I've got the Hindu New Year.
I can make Easter resolutions."
There's so many times to make them.
You know what?
They very rarely work.
So first of all, take a look at the resolution you've made
and ask yourself a question.
Is this super restrictive?
Is this taking away something that gives me joy?
What's the point of doing this?
What am I getting out of it?
And instead try to make the resolutions better.
I move from no sugar ever, ever, ever, never again
to okay I'm going to have sugar once a week.
And it doesn't matter what day it is and I'll save it up.
Or maybe I know I'm going out for a birthday,
somewhere with a great dessert or a set wonderful menu
and I'll have sugar that day.
Maybe I've had sugar twice this week by mistake
so I'm going to wait two weeks to have it again.
And I found it much easier to say
okay only sugar once a week and only a certain amount.
Many clients come and say
"Can you hypnotise me to never, ever, ever drink again?"
And for many of them that works and others say
"You know what?
I need to drink.
I go out, my partner likes to drink.
I go to weddings and parties and events."
And many of them say
"I'd like to drink three times a week,
three units and then stop."
And they find that very, very workable.
That's why meat-free Mondays
is better than a vegetarian January
unless you can find great stuff that you like.
You could be a great vegan, a phenomenal vegetarian
if you love that, but if you go
"No, I love meat, I love bacon, I'm addicted to steak
but I've got to give it up.
I can't have it, mustn't have it",
the very fact they're saying those words
"can't" and "mustn't" will push up the desire.
So let me give you some handy hints.
The way to stick to a resolution
is to say this magic sentence,
which is actually kind of life-changing.
"I am choosing to not eat meat for the whole of January
and choosing to feel great about it.
I'm choosing to get up and go running everyday
in the wind, in the rain, when I'm tired."
You see when you say "I'm choosing it",
your mind understands
"Oh, you have a choice!
You've made a choice, you want that choice."
When you go "I can't, I mustn't.
I've got to eat rabbit food.
I'm living on mung beans coffee without sugar.
It's just awful.
I'm counting the days till January is over
so I can have that again", well that will never work.
You know why?
You've put yourself into deprivation.
I'm depriving myself and I feel bad and I want it more.
You know somebody wrote to me and said
"I'm getting married.
I bought this dress it's two sizes too small,
my wedding dress.
And I was sure I'd diet into it.
You know what's happened?
It's now three sizes too small!
I'm completely freaked out!
I can't afford another dress.
What am I going to do?"
I said, "Well tell me what you do."
She goes "Well I go to the store
and I always buy my favourite
Fox's double chocolate chip cookies
and always say the same thing: I'll just eat one."
"Does that work?"
She went "You know it doesn't work.
I ate the whole packet."
I said "Well, what do you say to this cookie?"
She went "What do you mean?"
I said "We all talk to food.
Oh this is yummy four cheese pizza, I love it!"
She goes "Well that's what I say to the cookies.
I love you, you're my friend.
You're going to make me feel better."
I said "Well how about having a different conversation
with the cookies, as wild and as crazy as it sounds.
You say to those cookies in the store
"You know what?
If I take you home I will eat you.
If I eat you I won't fit into that wedding dress.
I've got one day to look amazing in that dress.
I've got 60 years to eat you
so I'm not taking you home with me.
And after my wedding I'll come back, take you home
and I'll eat you 'cause I've looked amazing in that dress."
She said "Well who would have thought
talking to cookies would have changed my life?
But I did exactly that!
What was so amazing was a wedding came,
I got into that dress, I looked amazing, I loved the photos.
But about two months later I was in the store
and I went 'Oh, Fox's Chocolate Chunk cookies!
I can have it.'
So I went to the aisle and I looked and I thought
'Nope, I'm completely over you'."
Because she changed her mindset.
You see no vegan says
"Oh today I'm gonna try so hard not to eat bacon.
Today I'm going to resist the steak at work.
I'm going to not look at the roast lamb or the pulled pork."
A vegan is very clear.
"I'm choosing never to eat meat.
I'm choosing to feel good about it."
You cannot go into deprivation,
you have to go into celebration.
I want this, I like it, I've chosen it,
it makes me feel good."
And by the way,
I really believe that you should make different resolutions.
Here's my favourite one: fall in love with yourself.
Wake up and go "Hey look at you!
I love you!"
Look in the mirror and go
"I love you, you're a good person, you matter,
you're significant, you're kind, you are lovable."
Just think about if that was your resolution.
You see that's an easy resolution.
You're just talking to yourself,
we all do that every day by the way anyway.
You just talk to yourself when you're in the shower,
when you're cleaning your teeth,
when you're combing your hair,
when you're checking your outfit before you leave the house.
It's easy to keep it going, you won't break it.
If you miss a day it doesn't matter.
If you do it three times a week
or twice a day it doesn't matter.
Make a new resolution.
My resolution is to wake up and be nice to myself,
to stop saying to people
"Am I okay?
Do I look good in this?
Do you like me?
Am I good at my job?"
Whatever is the missing bit of you,
the bit you're trying to make your boss or your partner
or your parents or your friends
or your kids say, say it to yourself.
Take a minute now and think
"Hey, what do I
really want to hear and need to hear?"
Well say it!
I matter.
I'm lovable.
I'm a good person.
I'm a good daughter.
I'm a good son.
I'm a good wife.
I'm a good mother.
I'm a good parent.
I'm a good friend.
I'm a good girlfriend, boyfriend.
Whatever it is, if you say it,
it has more of an effect
because the words we say to ourselves have more impact.
So a great resolution is to say the words
you're waiting for someone else to say
to make you feel good.
You say it.
Then you won't be needy, you'll be confident,
which is very sexy by the way.
It's reassuring, other people like it.
We like confident doctors and pilots and police inspectors.
They make us feel safe.
Be confident, put those words into yourself.
And how about saying I'm enough?
How about changing your passwords
securely of course.
Putting it on your fridge in magnets,
writing it on your mirror,
putting it on your phone alerts,
printing it on your pillows or pillowcases.
I'm enough.
Make a resolution to say that every day.
Those three words would change your life.
I work with many people who go
"I hate running, but I've got to run.
I'm in a marathon." or
"I hate the gym but I've spent all this money.
I've got to get fit."
And I say "Lie.
Say to your mind "I love it, love it, love it.
I'm enjoying it."
And the mind goes "Oh okay, that must be true."
And then not only to you cheat failing,
you steal back success.
It's all about the way you dialogue with you
and that is another phenomenal resolution
that you'll never break.
Dialogue with yourself better.
Tell yourself what you want,
tell yourself you like it.
Like someone wrote to me the other
day and said "I'm going on a date."
I said "Oh good."
She goes "I hate dating,
it's a nightmare, it's hell!"
I said "No it isn't, it can be great fun."
Why would you go on a date going
"I hate dating it's hell.
I put myself through this process all
the time and I hate it."
How about saying "Hey, I'm a warm loving amazing person.
I've got something great to offer
and there's another warm loving amazing person
and we are going to collide
and create a perfect storm.
Because what I want wants me.
What I am moving towards is moving towards me.
It's going to be an amazing date.
Maybe my last blind date
'cause this could be the one.
And if I go out there saying it's exciting and
amazing I'm going to have a great evening.
I'll have a great evening."
So that's the last resolution you need to make.
Dialogue with yourself better.
Tell your mind what you want.
Your mind is always listening, always on record.
What is the point of giving yourself a horrible,
hardcore, restrictive resolution
that's going to make you feel like a failure?
Make it easy on yourself, give yourself
a lovely resolution that makes you feel amazing.
I love myself, I'm a good person.
Hey, there you are mirror.
I love you, you're significant, you matter,
you're enough you're lovable.
That's the best resolution you can ever have.
So to recap, you know what to do.
You know now how to get through hard resolutions.
You know that really, give yourself nice ones.
Like, share, subscribe, comment and contribute.
Send this to other people who will benefit going
"Oh I don't know if I can do another day
of this dry January, it feels like an eternity" or
"It's so hard".
Send them this recording to listen to
and more than anything tell me how I can help you more
and I wish you luck.
Praise yourself, be nice to yourself.
Make that your resolution.
Dialogue with yourself better
and next year, you won't even need to make any resolutions
because this won't be what you do.
You know what?
It'll be who you are.
I wish you every success.
Thanks for tuning in.
(Kiss sound)
love you, thank you.
Bye.