Hello Brains!
You know the problem with perfectionism-
One more time. *Beep*
You know the problem with perfectionism is it- *Beep*
You know the problem with perfectionism is that- *Beep*
THE problem with PERFECTIONISM is tha- *Beep*
You know the problem WITH perfectionism-? No. *Beep*
Today's episode is about perfectionism.
*offscreen* Perfect! -Yeah? *offscreen* Yeah.
One more time.
*"The Show Must Be Go" by Kevin MacLeod*
Those of us with ADHD tend to be perfectionists.
That DOESN'T mean we're perfect. We know we're not.
But we tend to set unrealistically high standards for ourselves and then feel like we failed if we fall short.
That failure stings, but our perfectionism drives us to work harder than anyone else, to EXCEED everyone's expectations.
So, in a way, we're kinda proud of it.
I'm no exception.
Yes, my perfectionism has made me super anxious at times, and
sure, I can't really enjoy my own show because I keep seeing all the things I could have done better, but
now that the show's starting to be successful its easy to think it was worth it
30,000 subscribers?! All that perfectionism must have paid off
Thanks perfectionism! *Cheery Jazz music*
But, here's what I learned this week
A. It's not actually our perfectionism that makes us do well
It's the effort that that perfectionism drives us to put in
B. Perfectionism isn't the only thing that can drive our effort
Although it likes to insist that it is
And C. perfectionism is actually a terrible driver
It turns us around after we hit the first pothole.
It makes us go down the same street a bunch of times until we get it right
Sometimes it refuses to get going at all because the conditions aren't ideal
And when it's someone else's turn to drive it turns into a really annoying backseat driver
It makes the whole trip stressful. And if and when it finally gets us to where we want to go
We wasted so much time getting there that we never made it to all the other places we also needed to go
So basically perfectionism isn't really doing us any favours
To be clear, I recommend putting in the effort it takes to be great
I recommend setting and reaching goals
I even recommend having high standards for yourself and your work
I don't recommend letting perfectionism drive
Chances are your perfectionism is super unhappy I just said that
My perfectionism is kicking and screaming right now because....
It's afraid
It's afraid if it doesn't get to drive anymore
I won't be safe
Because however perfectionism might get in our way
it is really good at avoiding one thing on the road of life
Rejection
If we never make mistakes no one, including us, can ever say we're doing it wrong
If we never put ourselves out there no one will see our flaws and find out we're not good enough
That's not even actually true, but there's a lot of fear behind perfectionsim
And that fear isn't always realistic or easily overcome
Thats okay. If you, like me, tend to let perfectionism drive here are a few things that might help you wrestle the wheel away from it
Give your perfectionism directions
You can do this by changing the marker for success
I didn't even know I was using this technique, But when I started this show my marker for success was to put out a video once a week
Which was not enough time to make it perfect
Oh God...The lighting
But it moved me toward having a show I'm proud of more efficiently than perfecting one episode possibly could have
Figure out what else drives you and let it.
For instance helping you guys is worth the effort of researching, writing, shooting, editing, producing, and promoting this show every week
Even if I can't do any of those things as perfectly as I'd like to
Work with a pro to take back the wheel. If perfectionism is something you've been battling with your whole life it might be worth recruiting reinforcements
That can be a coach to help you set and adjust your goals, or a therapist to help you work through your fears
Proceed with caution. Treat perfectionism like any other fear and overcome it a little at a time.
Maybe I'm not ready to give up all of my late nights obsessing over the show just yet
because the first week I do that my perfectionism will see one bad comment and shout "See! I have to drive!"
But my goal is to be done by 11pm most nights
and get enough sleep to be able to drive to work safely and I don't know be awake enough to celebrate
Maybe my perfectionism won't let me miss a week when I'm behind, but when I am I can admit that I'm struggling
And maybe ask for help
And finally if perfectionism tries to take back the wheel remind yourself why it's not allowed to drive
Studies show perfectionism can lead to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and worse.
Besides, as researcher Brene Brown discovered, real acceptance doesn't come from being above criticism
It comes from putting yourself out there and realizing even with your flaws, you are enough.
You have something to contribute and it might take time,
but if you wait to be perfect until you even begin, you're gonna deprive the world of a lot.
That's it for this week. I've included some amazing links about perfectionism as well as Brene Brown's talk in the description below
If you liked this episode, subscribe. And if you loved this episode and wanna help me make more, consider donating to my Patreon page, like these brains did!
Thank you to all my Patreon supporters for making this show possible. Thanks to them, we're gonna be able to start making bonus videos next month.
Let me know what drives your effort. Comment below or hit me up on Facebook or Twitter and I will see you next week!
Bye Brains!
Question time! Weren't you going to keep your videos under 5 minutes long?
Didn't you say your videos come out on Tuesdays?
I'm trying. But I'm not gonna be perfect.