The Democrats are still over a year away from picking
who they will send into the ring with President Trump.
So we don't know who it will be,
but now we at least know where it will be.
Well, here it is.
Democrats have picked officially Milwaukee
for the site of their 2020 presidential nominating center,
DNC Chair Tom Perez selecting the city over Houston and Miami.
Yes, the Democrats have officially picked Wisconsin
to host their 2020 convention.
And it makes sense. They couldn't have gone
to the other options, Houston or Miami, in the summer
because Bernie does not do well in humidity.
-(laughter) -Now...
now, the speculation is that the Democrats picked Wisconsin
to make up for the fact that in 2016,
Hillary Clinton never campaigned there.
Yeah. She just totally took it for granted.
You know, she basically treated Wisconsin
the same way I treated my English exams in high school.
I was like, "I speak English. I don't need to study it."
And then I got in, and I was like, "Semicolon?
Uh... I guess that's when a comma has sex with a period?"
Anyway, now that the convention city has been picked,
the question is who will be accepting the nomination there.
And it seems like every day,
more candidates are joining the race.
Among the latest to jump in is Washington governor Jay Inslee,
who has made climate change the centerpiece of his campaign.
And he's gonna have an uphill battle
because half the country doesn't believe climate change exists,
and 100% of the country doesn't believe Jay Inslee exists.
Yeah. Even his wife is like, "I've never heard of this guy."
Also joining in the race is John Hickenlooper.
Yes. He's the former governor of Colorado
with a name that sounds like a disease
you got on the Oregon Trail.
Hey, it's-it's either that...
it's either that or the name of a local restaurant
where all the waiters have those vests with buttons on them.
You know, it's just like, "Welcome to Hickenloopers.
"Our special today is the Hickenlooper Chicken Chaluper.
Tastes like dirt, but it's fun to order."
So, with Inslee and Hickenlooper in,
that brings the Democratic field up to 14 potential candidates.
Yeah. Just look at all those faces.
Look at all those faces!
There are too many candidates, people.
The Democrats are like the Marvel Universe.
It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.
We need Thanos to come in
and just snap a few of these guys away.
"Hey, Hickenlooper. Get out of here, Hickenlooper.
Go! Go!"
But what's strange is that all the buzz right now
isn't about the Democrats who have entered the race.
All the news is about the big names
still sitting on the sidelines.
Right? Names like Beto O'Rourke,
who's quickly becoming a Texas-sized tease.
Beto O'Rourke says he has made a decision
after months of deliberation about his political future.
There's some speculating on whether a big announcement
is in his near future.
I'm gonna be making an announcement soon.
I'm gonna be making the same announcement
to everyone at the same time.
Well, it's been ten days now since O'Rourke announced
he plans to announce a decision about his political future.
Are you being serious?
First Beto said he's thinking about announcing,
and now he's announced
that he'll make an announcement about his running?
If this is how he runs his campaign,
what is he gonna be like as president, huh?
"My fellow Americans,
"I've decided which country we're gonna declare war on,
and I'll tell you who it is right after this."
And also, Beto, you don't need to build up the suspense.
Okay? We know you're gonna run for president.
This is like Groot building up a big announcement.
We know what you're gonna say. You are Groot. We know.
(laughter)
While Beto is leading America on,
there's another big-name Democrat
who's giving America red, white and blue balls:
Joe Biden.
Sources close to Biden tell NBC News
that he may decide possibly as early as this week
whether he will officially get in the race.
His advisors are preparing for a potential April launch
if they get the green light.
I have not made the final decision,
but don't be surprised.
Former vice president Joe Biden leads the pack
even though he's technically not part of it yet.
That is insane.
Joe Biden is winning a race that he's not even in.
That is such a boost for his ego
and also super insulting
for all the people who are running.
Yeah. 'Cause, like, people nobody cares about,
like poor John Hipenlooper, whatever I said his name is.
'Cause this whole thing must feel
like the middle school dance all over again, right?
All the girls are waiting on Joe,
who said he's thinking about maybe coming to the dance.
Girl's like, "I can't wait to dance with Joe
because he's my favorite."
And he's like, "Uh, hi, ladies. I'm actually here right now."
It's like, "Oh, good, Hickenlooper.
Can you text Joe and ask him if he's coming?"
(laughter and applause)
And, honestly, it's amazing that a guy
who has already run for president twice and bombed
is now leading the race.
If you ask me, it's probably because
he's been standing next to Obama for eight years
and now he has that good president smell.
Yeah? Yeah.
It's that-- it's that good B.O.
That's what that is.
In fact, I bet Joe Biden
could win an election just based on this idea.
He'll be at campaign rallies holding up his phone, like,
"Vote for me, because I've got Obama's number on this phone!
I can call him right now!"
(cheering and applause)
But we don't know if he'll run.
We don't know.
So, with just 602 days until the presidential election,
Joe Biden and Beto O'Rourke
are taking their sweet time deciding.
And here's the thing. I wouldn't mind so much
if they were being quiet about it.
Because, right now, you guys are just being a (bleep)tease.
Right? "America, these are the things
"that I would do for you.
"If I were running.
If I were running."
Like, can you imagine if R&B singers
were as noncommittal as Beto and Biden?
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