let's get a little personal shall we ask
you guys on Twitter to ask me some
really personal questions because I used
to do reading comments videos but all
the comments got to say me it was all
the same stuff all the time how do you
start a YouTube channel what is your
real name why are the answers to life I
don't know so I thought it'd be fun if
we just did a personal Q&A I'm also
curious to see how what people think
personal is so I put this up a while ago
and I picked out some of what I thought
were the best questions but hindsight's
20/20 so we'll see if I actually pick
decent ones what was your most
embarrassing moment in your life you
forget some of those questions where you
you feel like you should have an answer
off the the the tip of your tongue
because so many people have asked you
and it's such a it's a question that a
lot of people get asked but I can never
think about the most embarrassing time
or maybe you have just blanked it out at
this point maybe there's some more
embarrassing things that have happened
that I just can't think of but for me to
come to mind the first one is the story
about when I [ __ ] my pants I told you
guys some of this story before maybe
I'll do a story time on this one
but [ __ ] my pants went home pants full
of [ __ ] puked all over myself and then
hugged my mom at the door because I was
drinking a lot and then the other one
wasn't as I told this one on tour it was
one of the jokes in the tour was when I
was a young wee lad in Ireland and I was
an altar boy and I had to hand out the
collection plates for the money during
communion and I couldn't find they're
always in the same place and I couldn't
find them and everyone in the church
stared at me they were just looking at
me and I had no idea what to do and that
was the first time I ever felt like my
whole body shut down I think that was
the first time I ever felt anxiety and I
was like what 8 to 10 years old I
started yo have you ever been in a
situation where there's a big
opportunity landed to you but you never
took it and you regretted not getting it
sooner yeah there's been a ton of stuff
from earlier in YouTube that I turned
down when the channel was really like
kicking off and getting a ton of sobs
every month there was a lot of stuff
that came to me with a lot of big
opportunities and a lot of money and
different things like that a lot of
sponsorship deals that I
turn down because back then sponsorship
for as like readily apparent on YouTube
as the air now like everyone to
sponsorship ceases most channels are
actually funded almost solely by
sponsorships at this point so it's not
that weird but at the time I was really
scared about doing anything like that
because I thought that people would look
at me weirdly I thought that people
would call me a sellout they're
different things like that so there was
a ton of stuff that I I turned down
there was some stuff like mobile games
that offered just [ __ ] tons of money
what my games have way too much money I
don't know how the [ __ ] they're making
all this money and not to say that money
was like a huge thing that I really
needed but at the time it really would
have helped a lot of the stuff that I
was trying to do and like getting
different projects done and everything
and some other people came with some
cool ideas that I turned down cuz I I
don't know I was so focused on my
schedule that I didn't want to break
away from it and do all these different
things because I was like no this is my
thing I'm good at this and I'm gonna
keep doing it until people get bored of
it but some of that stuff I could have
done alongside of what I was already
doing so any younger creators out there
like don't be afraid to branch out and
do different things if it fits what
you're actually doing then it shouldn't
matter I think your audience will
understand when was the darkest moment
of your life and how did you get out of
it I think my darkest time ever was well
three years ago now December 2017 so
about two years ago I I stayed at home
alone for Christmas and there were so
many things going on in my life at that
point I was at a junction where I didn't
really know what I was doing I my
relationships personal and like
professional we're kind of all over the
place I didn't really know what I wanted
I didn't over I was going at it and over
I stood with some people and I stayed at
home alone for Christmas and I I just
sobbed for like two or three days almost
solidly and that was the first time I
ever felt really depressed like actually
depressed there's all those moments
where you're kind of in a funk or you're
sad and you're like am I depressed no I
don't think so
but this is the first time I'm like man
I'm [ __ ] miserable
I do not
No what is going on and that was said
there's gonna be a personal Q&A so let's
get into it a little bit that was that
was the first time I ever truly thought
about killing myself that sitting at
home at that point I was like but anyone
even miss me
would would it all just go away if I did
this one thing and I entertained that
thought not for very long but I said
when that came into my head I kind of
snapped out of it and I thought to
myself this is not normal for me this is
the first time that that ever actually
because everyone thinks morbid thoughts
every now and then there's a morbid
curiosity in humans we all have it like
what would happen if I drove off this
like bridge or things like that but this
is the first time that I actually
actively entertained the thought and
that that in in its in and of itself
kind of snapped me out of it because I
thought I I don't think like this this
is not me I am NOT in my right mind
right now and I had a really big long
reflective periods in like that week and
I kind of just said to myself like what
have I done what have I accomplished
Who am I basically and what do I want to
do next and as I started writing these
things down and really thinking of them
and ruminating on them I started to
realize that things weren't as bad as I
thought they were and this won't work
for everybody and I highly suggest that
if you have these types of thoughts and
they linger and you're really struggling
I definitely recommend talking to people
and seeking professional help I was
looking in the in the fact that when I
sat down and really thought about it I
realized that things were not as bad as
I thought they were I had accomplished
more than I was giving myself credit for
I had more stuff coming up that I could
have potentially tapped into and really
run with that I was really excited about
so again it didn't last that long but
that was the first time when I was like
at my darkest at my lowest and I really
didn't know what I was gonna do and
that's kind of where the PMA stuff
sprung up from that it just turned out
to be a mentality where I was like no it
just it was like my mantra every day to
be like no just try your best
keep going
get through it and things will work out
and it took a really long time it didn't
just happen I didn't just go o PMA yeh
it it took about eight to nine months to
really get back into a positive space so
2017 was like my worst year and then
2018 was still pretty [ __ ] but I tried
to go sorry I tried to make the most out
of it and and work through it and then
2019 got better right now I'm in a much
much better place so any of you going
through that kind of stuff
ie I relate I I get it but please talk
to somebody about it I should have
talked to somebody about it a lot sooner
than when I felt it so please talk to
people please seek out help because
again these things do pass things do
always get better it just takes a lot of
effort and a lot of time sometimes but
they do get better if you ever had a
fear of growing up like when you were in
school did you ever think I have no idea
what I'm going to do as an adult and
that terrifies me asking for him yes I
think everybody has that at some point I
think that that is absolutely human and
absolutely normal the problem is that no
one talks about it and especially on
social media no one ever talks about
this [ __ ] because it makes you look weak
and it makes you look like you don't
know what you're doing what everyone
else looks like they know exactly what
they're doing so people all shut down
and don't like talk about stuff but yes
of course I've had a fear of like
growing up it was more a fear of like
Jesus like you said like what the [ __ ]
am I gonna do I have no idea when I
started off YouTube that's that was the
second darkest time of my life was I
went to college for music production and
again I've told this story a lot before
but I went to college for music
production and I dropped out after two
years because I didn't know what I was
doing I felt dumb I felt like I had no
friends and they were all better at it I
did have friends I just projected that I
had none and kind of made up excuses for
myself not to go and then when I got
home I realized god what am I gonna do
next I went on like social welfare I was
on benefits I didn't want to work I I
didn't know what was going on and that
really scared me because I thought this
is it this is my life I'm gonna become
an absolute nobody and just do nothing
with my life
being a nobody is not bad but at the
time I felt like I had been in like a
band and everything and I was going to a
music production I thought it's gonna do
all these great things and then when
that fell apart I thought nothing was
gonna get better from that point what I
started doing YouTube then and that
ignited a passion in me that really made
me feel like I was doing something
worthwhile not not even like a capacity
for a job or a career or money or
anything like that it was just really
fulfilling to do day after day and I
felt like I was doing something better
with my time than sitting at home and
just playing video games all day every
day and I think what I learned out of
all of that was that I got purpose and
drive and motivation those were the
three things that I lacked severely
confidence was also one I was very
insecure back then about like my my
smartness and what I could actually
accomplish and all my friends seem so
much smarter than I was and I didn't
know what I was gonna do and why was I
dumb and they weren't but yeah
motivation and purpose and drive to do
anything or so what I severely lacked
and getting that in YouTube and I went
back to college again for hotel
management and just really tried to get
things back on track or try to do
something better but when you're younger
and you're in school and everything like
no one ever has that [ __ ] figured out
you never know what its gonna be like to
go out into the real world and even when
you are in the real world changes all
the time
life is tricky life is complicated in
life is very complex and it's not the
same for every single person
despite again stuff like social media
will show you that Oh everyone's doing
so much better and everyone has stuff
figured out and everyone's so much
smarter than I am and things like that
but don't let that [ __ ] get in your head
just do what you got to do do what's
best for you and do what you want to do
to the best of your abilities not all of
us can do what we want to do because
we're limited by time money location
friends whatever but just try your best
and do what you think is best for you
and if it doesn't end up being the best
for you you will at least have done
something and then you can figure things
out as you go along you don't have to
have life figured out you don't have to
have a game plan ready for the next 20
years of your life just take a
day-by-day
by year I just figure it out as you go
along you'll get there have you ever had
moments crossed your mind where you
thought I don't want to do this anymore
in regards to just quitting YouTube yep
I've had that thought a lot because when
things get a little trickier things get
a little annoying
I'm all for different reasons whether
it's just like oh god I'm sick of doing
the same thing every day or I'm just
tired of YouTube's algorithms and trying
to fight a system that I have no idea
how it works or whatever there's a ton
of different things like that I've I've
done YouTube long enough and I'm at a
position where thankfully I don't have
to rely on it every single day for
revenue anymore I do really enjoy still
doing it and that's why I continue doing
it because it's just fun and I really
love making videos but there are
definitely moments where I've thought
man I could just stop and all of this
[ __ ] would just go away whether it's
having to deal with pressures or like
fan pressure or expectation and all
these various myriad of different
problems that come with it and just
stress and anxiety like doing YouTube I
absolutely love it it's the best job
I've ever had and I wouldn't trade it
for anything else but it is the most
stressed and most anxious I've ever been
in my life doing anything because again
I'm my I'm my own boss I set my own
schedules I have to figure out all the
stuff that I want to record myself and
sometimes when things don't go well you
can start to dwell on it and you start
putting your self-worth in numbers and
you start putting yourself Worth and
comparing yourself to all these other
people who again feel like they know
what they're doing when in reality
they're also just trying to figure it
out and go along with it as well lately
I've just been thinking more of what it
would be like to not upload daily or
change what I'm doing and not upload
because I I like uploading daily I like
my work ethic I like doing that but
sometimes you just kind of get stinkers
you don't get the greatest games I'm
trying to find stuff to play all the
time and I'm like well do I even want to
play a game and sometimes coming up with
those ideas takes a lot more effort than
it should and they don't end up being
the best so it's like well I could just
skip today and then move on tomorrow so
I I'm getting to the point where I'd
rather work when creativity or
motivation strike me most
rather than just doing it for the sake
of doing it and that's why I want to do
bigger projects and do more stuff to
challenge myself and be more creative
this year because again I've done the
daily thing I've done it every day for
seven years basically a couple of breaks
here and there in the last couple of
years but overall I just don't know if
we're uploading every single day is
really worth it and I've talked to a
couple of friends and other YouTube
friends and everything and we've all had
that thought at some point you even the
people who love doing YouTube every day
like myself we we still think about that
every now and then and kind of fantasize
about what would it be like how would I
do it what would I do next
because if you do it for again 7 years
and some of my friends I've been doing
it even longer that you just wonder what
would I do next do I have more to give
is there something else I could do so we
absolutely do think about it if Sam is
pregnant and go into morph ball what
happened to baby
well Alana what I think happened to baby
is baby dead everyone's like oh my god I
never thought about that it's like
pretty sure baby's probably just dead
the morph ball is designed to house
samus and her body and it's don't are at
the specifications and the science of
shrinking her or changing her into
whatever does not account for a separate
entity and body I'm sorry it's as
gruesome as that what's the most
ridiculous rumor you've read about
yourself online oh where do I start
there's been a couple about like oh I
think the one that recurs most is that
I'm secretly an [ __ ] that I generally
nice and positive online I think that I
just get along with most people but some
people seem to think that that's an
impossible thing for someone to be that
you can't just be a nice person that
there has to be some sort of secret
hidden agenda underneath it all that I
have to be hiding something that I have
some sort of secret sinister thing going
on in the background that everyone's
going to find out about someday and
that's kind of what canceled culture is
based on is that like a ha gotcha
[ __ ] knew it now you can't just be a
decent
person online without some sort of lake
like doing charity streams had to be for
exposure or they had to be for goodwill
or to make myself look better rather
than just doing it for the sake of
trying to do a good thing things like
that and it's just some people make up
all these conspiracies and it gets
really ridiculous and people start
piecing things together like well this
person said something about him and then
this other person said something else
without even having any sort of evidence
or fact-checking or anything at all they
just start believing it because I don't
know it's more fun to gossip and make
[ __ ] up and just roll with a story and a
conspiracy theory and a narrative than
it is to just be like oh yeah he just
uploads videos and he's nice I can talk
about how long I've been doing here - I
don't mean - I've done this for so long
that I feel like Who I am is very
apparent by now that if I did have some
sort of secret hidden agenda it would be
very [ __ ] obvious there's no way I
could keep this up for so long and then
have all this secret background behind
me that I'm some sort of [ __ ]
secretly but all it takes is one little
stumble one little fault wanted to like
misspoken thing and people like knew it
that's it there it is God that all of
these years of like showing who you are
your morals your character are just gone
out the window because people just they
just want something they want friction
they want chaos people are so bored in
their day-to-day lives by going online
and just seeing the same [ __ ] every day
but as soon as anything different shows
up they just want to roll with that and
give some sort of meaning a purpose to
their life in the negativity and dwell
in those because it's more fun to do
that than to just sit back and enjoy
videos every day so I like to punch a
dog every now and then so that's not
that bad come on guys do you poop no
never
how many potatoes do you eat per day on
average more than most people could
handle have you ever made eye contact
with girls before marriage answer
carefully or a mite on subject no of
course not I was raised as a sweet
little Catholic Irish boy you think I
would even dare look at somebody else in
the eyes before
let alone hold hands or kiss boss stinky
if you could be one female youtuber for
the day who would it be I would be jenna
Marbles because she seems like she's
having the most [ __ ] fun ever and I
love it and she just seems like she
knows who she is and she's just going
for whatever ideas she has she just has
some great dogs maybe I want to like
hold hands with Julianne or something I
don't know it's so you'd be so weird
right now
Joey come on slob but it's the last time
the tissue paper split mid wipe and you
gave yourself an accidental doctor's
check oh is this is this it I want to
ask for personal questions this is what
you asked I can honestly say this has
never once happened to me I think I'm
more careful than you are maybe I don't
know it's never happened I do it
intentionally not accidentally was your
favorite 2011 meme you know it's gotta
be scumbag Steve that meme was iconic
and legendary max what's your favorite
2011 meme give back are you Asian no I'm
a Shawn what is your worst experience at
a convention finally a normal question
again this is another one like your most
embarrassing moment that people kept
asking over and over again I was like
what has been my weirdest interaction
what has been my weirdest experience
until last year I had my weirdest
experience ever it's my it's not only my
weirdest convention experience it's my
weirdest fan experience now where I was
meeting a bunch of people as I do at the
meet and greets and things were going
well people are always super nice it's
really great meeting you guys at
conventions it's my favorite thing to do
at a convention cuz that's mainly the
reason why I go to them because normally
I sit here and I talk to you through a
screen but to go to a convention is
great cuz I actually had to meet you in
person and chat and have some sort of
experience that's beyond a screen but
last year I think it PAX East I was I
was doing the thing I was meeting people
everyone was it becomes the same types
of interactions over and over again and
a lot of people I've met before and it's
great meeting you guys second time cuz
then I remember and we can have a
conversation about what happened last
time and somebody who I'd met before
came up to me
and I thought it was prepared but I was
standing there and they came up they
took the picture the got stuff signed
and then they said can I speak honestly
with you for a second I was like sure
absolutely
most people want to speak honestly
because again that's why we're here and
there and you can actually say something
to me in person this person then pulled
me close leaned in really close to my
ear
whispered so close that I could feel
their breath on my ear and said I wish
you had stayed single longer then they
put their hand on my chest and draped it
down slowly and left and that was the
creepiest thing that's happened to me
with a fan that crossed so many lines so
many boundaries it was really awkward
and I don't know whether I don't know
what they thought would happen I don't
know if it's I wish you had stayed
single longer because I wanted to date
you or I wish you had stayed single
longer for your own mentality because I
think you need to be alone or something
but it was this really weird entitlement
to it it sent shivers down my back
and I was that was the first time that I
got really like no I'm [ __ ] done with
someone because normally people say some
stuff that's like that's kind of not
okay to say but I know you didn't mean
it that way and it's like okay hug move
along when that person said that I
didn't even make eye contact again I was
like okay bye
know that oh it was so bad I I felt so
uncomfortable please don't ever do that
to anybody what happened to you and your
family in your old vids you mentioned
how it was great and any time your dad
is mentioned now you seem to get upset
first of all I think I should preface
that a lot of day or where's my dad or
those types of jokes it's it's mainly
just a joke because I don't know there's
something funny about that like people
saying like so I woke up and like my
hand was sore and then like I went down
and put ice on it and it I don't know
what it was and then it's just saying
something like what does that say say
about your relationship with your father
because it's like a therapist joke that
all things go back to your parents and
people have daddy issues so that's the
main reason why I say that but to be
honest in reality my relationship with
my family is not
a lot of them I don't really talk to
anymore because of different reasons
that I I'm always kind of reluctant
getting into it because I don't want
them to really see it and then feel bad
really because again I don't want to
hurt anybody but back then talking about
my family everything I was living with
my family so it's kind of the only
people I really knew around and it was
also that I didn't want to show any
negativity on my channel because I just
felt like no one wants to hear that no
one wants to hear about personal issues
no one wants to hear that I'm sad today
and I didn't really want to record but
in putting on a smile because that's
what you guys want right so it was some
of it was deceptive and again a lot of
youtubers do this because when you start
off you don't think anybody really wants
to hear about your problems you don't
know if people are there for you or if
they're there for the games and it took
me a long time to really open up and
just talk properly about who I am as a
person so that's why it was a lot more
positive back then and these days I'm
like you know what life is tricky and
nobody has it figured out really and
sometimes things are kind of shitty and
I know people will respect that a lot
more and relate to that a lot more if
you're just honest and yourself and you
just talk about things openly rather
than trying to hide it and be like yeah
everything's great guys hahahahaha cuz
then if I'm off in a video or things
just aren't really going that well I can
say that now and people like I get it
like sane and people give you a lot more
slack or as if I'm just positive all the
time and I present pretend that
everything's hunky-dory then people
build you up to this expectation that
can never ever be met and then you come
crashing down from that what was the
first time you experienced loss in your
life it was probably a pet but when I
was younger I didn't really associate
like pet loss the same way as I do human
loss the first time I properly
experienced lost was when my my
grandmother on my dad's side died ie I
didn't know her she was in a home for a
very long time she had I'm pretty sure
she had dementia and Alzheimer's so she
wasn't like she wasn't really present a
lot of time at any times I met her when
I was younger she didn't talk she didn't
really
she kind of just smiled the things every
now and then and then before school one
time I think it was like 12 or 13 we my
parents woke up at like 6 5 6 a.m. and
they said ok we have to go through the
nursing home they we got a call about
your grandmother and I was just so tired
I didn't really connect the dots and
again I didn't have that much of an
emotional connection to my grandmother
and we went to school and I was sitting
in class and the principal came up and
said can we
sorry to interrupt like Sean can you
come with me and everyone knew that
something bad had happened I didn't
really connect it yet I was like oh god
I'm in trouble what did I do
but everyone in class can like turned
and like looked at me to be like oh no
and it wasn't until I went out then that
she was telling me on the way down what
had happened that my grandmother had
died and as I was walking down I saw my
sister with her teacher and she was just
like bawling her eyes out but again I
didn't have a connection to my
grandmother back then I didn't really
know who she was
and she was just so distant any time I
had met her so I I didn't really get
that huge and emotional reaction out of
it which was a learning moment for me as
a kid because I was like should I be
sadder should I feel this the way other
people are feeling it and then when
we're at the funeral I shed some tears
because I just started like opened up
like an emotional reaction in me seeing
everybody else that I cared about having
an emotional reaction so it was a really
big turning point for me in my life to
experience loss like that for the first
time and then when my grandmother on my
mother's side died I can't remember how
many years ago it is now but it was back
when I was living in the cabins and I
had a much stronger connection to her
and that hit me a lot harder and seeing
seeing that for the first time because I
I had had friends and things who had had
funerals for their loved ones and I'd
gone to those but it's like a disconnect
it's when somebody you're close to it
happens too that it really kind of hits
home have you ever dealt with toxic
friends or family members and how did
you get over it well judging from the
other answer yes I don't know if I if I
deal with stuff in the healthiest way
I'm I think I'm getting better at it but
usually toxic-free I'll talk about toxic
friends first and foremost because toxic
friends are are tricky because you're
doing what I do and meeting people you
don't know who wants to be friends with
you because they genuinely like you or
who wants something out of you
and if definitely felt the moments when
people wanted something out of me
because I was jacksepticeye rather than
being a friend and with those people I
learned the hard way it was seeing their
true colors after a while and then
having to like talk to them about it or
cut them out because some people just
weren't they they weren't there to be
friends even if I did talk to them about
it they weren't there to be friends with
me they just wanted something out of me
and with those people I had to cut them
out of my life and the same with dealing
with like toxic sides of communities
like they they don't have your best
interests at heart
they're not there to actually talk or
have a conversation or understand
they're there to tear you down and
they're there to gain something from you
and that is a very hard thing to deal
with and I still think that I don't have
that and figure it out because each
scenario is completely different I think
the way I try to deal with it is
understand from their perspective try
and talk to them about it explain from
my point of view what's going on and how
I'm perceiving this and hope that we can
meet somewhere in the middle and then I
have a tolerance for that that if if the
same thing just keeps happening then I'm
sorry I can't continue that because it's
just not healthy it's not good for me
it's not good for you and I think I
think people deserve better than to be
treated in a toxic manner and that's why
my tolerance for toxic stuff now is so
much lower because I know my tolerances
I know my boundaries and I know where my
cutoff point is and if you cross that I
just I can I only have so much room in
my brain for so much going on that I
can't deal with toxic [ __ ] because it's
it starts to affect you it starts making
you toxic if you have to deal with that
[ __ ] all the time
I'm a sucker I keep wanting to like
apologize to people and put the burden
on me and be like I'm sorry like how can
I help
and that's something that I've learned
over the years and some of the therapy
sessions I've been to and everything was
like learning how to get over that and
learning how to just say no and that's
why going into this period of my life
I'm I'm trying to figure out what I want
and what is good for me and even though
that can be selfish you got to be a
little selfish every now and then
especially when it comes to your
emotional needs but again I'm not a
therapist I'm not a professional I'm
just talking from my own experience to
take it with a huge mountain of salt I
don't have all the answers I'm just
telling you from my experience what
worked for me and some of it might not
even be working so please don't model
yourself after me
did YouTube have any effect on your
personal life such as wife kids friends
well I don't have a wife
I don't have kids if you're talking
about future plans then that's a
different question I think there is a
question about that somewhere in here
but with friends yes absolutely friends
and family of course whenever you gain
any sort of notoriety or fame or money
especially completely changes people's
perceptions of you and that's why a lot
of people on YouTube and me included are
kind of afraid to talk about money in
such honest terms first of all some
people just want to talk about it
because it's none of your [ __ ]
business
secondly it changes people's perceptions
of you even though I don't talk about
money I don't ever talk about money
unless it's got to do with like charity
stuff and I've donated so much money to
charity myself just last year I think it
was like 160 to 180 thousand dollars but
that would not matter as soon as
something came out people say like well
jacksepticeye has earned X amount of
money on YouTube and I don't fought that
anywhere I don't talk about it I don't
show off I don't talk about money at all
and for the most part but as soon as
people find out how much money you have
or how much you can potentially make it
completely changes people's perceptions
of you some people would either say like
oh good for him and like he doesn't talk
about it like that's great
but other people then would be like Oh
see you have this amount and you only
donate X amount to charity or you have
this amount and like oh I don't know
blah blah blah it's just money such a
painter of conversation and opinions but
in regards to like the numbers of people
who know who you are that also has had
an effect because of course it has more
people now know who I am then they than
have ever done in my entire life and
when you meet people now especially
people who know you on the streets for
being jacksepticeye it's hard to know
who's there because they genuinely just
like you or who just want a picture with
you because they think Oh famous person
click it's it's very weird and more
people now know more about me than I
know about you which is a very weird
conversation to have this idea of a
parasocial relationship which maybe I'll
do a video on at some point because I've
kind of wanted to do more videos delving
into these sorts of topics but again
it's tricky to do because I don't have
all the answers I'm just talking from my
own experience but yes of course it's
had a huge impact on my life not that
those are the more these are the sides
of it that I don't really talk about
that being said the other side of the
coin which is a much bigger side of it
which is that it's changed my life for
the better in so many different ways I'm
happier I'm doing a cool thing I have so
many great friends around me now who
I've met all through YouTube I'm in a
fantastic relationship that I've gotten
probably as a byproduct of the people I
know through YouTube and I've done so
many cool creative fun things so don't
get me wrong I'm just talking about this
stuff that this is a personal video and
I'm talking about the stuff that no one
really talks about but the other side of
that is that there are far more positive
aspects to it is being in the spotlight
too much for you and if so how do you
deal with it I feel bad putting in
multiple of the same types of questions
now because this video is getting very
long sometimes yes it's far too much
sometimes people dwell on every single
thing you say and you can't speak your
mind fully because if somebody says
something to me and they say it in sort
of a harsh tone and I try to reply with
like no that's not really how it is
like this is the truth it can be taken
so many different ways
take the John boyega stuff for example
recently a lot of people saying a lot of
really shitty things to him and it's not
okay crossing so many boundaries some
people are kind of like having fun with
it and joking around whatever but there
are an aspect of the community who are
being absolute [ __ ] and some of them
are even being racist and everything but
apparently that's fine because he's a
famous person right and he signed up for
this
no he signed up to do something fun that
he enjoyed having Fame as a byproduct of
that does not give you free rein to be
an absolute [ __ ] and if I had
experiences like this myself and a lot
of my friends have to with YouTube where
somebody can say something to you but as
soon as you say something back then how
dare you because the fans are the
underdog you're the big dog eating the
underdog and that's not okay apparently
that you can't speak your mind freely
after a certain point of Fame and
notoriety because then you're just an
[ __ ] because then all your fans go
attacking that person so it gets a
little much sometimes or some so many
things that I've had to like bite my
tongue on because it's just not worth it
and I can deal with people saying [ __ ]
about me online because 90% of it is not
even true it's just people trying to
tear you down for no reason but
sometimes it is like man it just ruins
your whole [ __ ] day it puts you in a
bad headspace you don't want to do
anything it doesn't happen all the time
but every now and then it does get
pretty bad and for those those times
I'm those are the times that I'm like
man I could just quit and not have to
deal with any of this [ __ ] but again
it's it's a minority of the audience and
it doesn't happen all the time and the
positive aspects of it are far greater
doing this so I I'm trying to focus on
those aspects a lot more this year
rather than just dwelling on all the
trivial [ __ ] that people say that's not
even true to begin with but they just
accrue this group of people who just
want something to believe in and I go
back to the drama and the canceled
culture and the gossip stuff like that
it's just just step back and think if
your
what's the what's the term for it
schadenfreude in' if you're getting
enjoyment out of tearing somebody else
down
you need to heavily reflect on who you
are as a person and what you're doing
and why you enjoy doing this is your
most painful experience physically I
think the time I dislocated my shoulder
it was only for a very brief second I
was on a trampoline with my friend and
we were jumping up and down and as I
jumped up they were coming down and hit
my shoulder and knocked it out of its
socket but it almost immediately went
back in that was so [ __ ] painful I
first of all I'm looking that I've never
broken a bone I've never had any sort of
like really bad cuts or anything like
that the fact that this is the most
painful experience of my life means that
I'm very lucky but that hurts so [ __ ]
much I'm sure you've talked about this
and maybe I've missed it but is it a
goal for you to get married and have
kids someday I think you need a
fantastic father from my limited
perspective of you a couple of years ago
it was I thought that I had to do the
thing like grow up have kids become a
husband like anything but the older I'm
getting the more I'm like if it happens
it happens if it feels right it feels
right but I am in no rush for any of
these things to happen and I don't feel
like my life is lesser if it doesn't
happen I'm still happy I can still have
a fantastic significant other in my life
I don't think you need to get married I
don't think you need to have kids to
give your life purpose if you want to
have them go ahead if you want to get
married go ahead but for me and kind of
either/or if it happens and it feels
right I think that yes I think I would
be a great dad but again if it doesn't
happen I'm not gonna feel like I'm
missing out on anything so it's kind of
just like but if it happens it happens
but I'm in no rush do you really feel
like you have finally found out who you
really are like your real self no I
don't think so I don't think anyone
really ever truly figures out who the
real self is because there's so much
external stimulus from other people
that's kind of forming who you are as
well
but I feel like I know now better than
ever who I really am I think I'm I'm
closer to it than I've ever been put it
that way I think the next 10 years of my
life are really going to be formative in
that regard
and I think like like the rock and Kevin
Hart were saying when I interviewed them
like in your forties I feel like that's
when you figure it out and from some of
the people I know who are in that age
range like my brother and some of my
friends it really feels like that like
you're your 20's are figuring it out
your 30s are still kind of figuring it
out but you're getting closer and then
your 40s or when you really start to
figure it out so that's why I'm saying
don't be in a rush to grow up don't be
in a rush to figure it out cuz I'm I'm
getting better at it but I still I'm not
there and I have a lot to figure out and
that's fine that's part of the journey
that's what's exciting to me about my
30s and exciting to me about this turn
of the decade as well because a lot of
these things are converging at the same
time and I'm excited to figure it out
and I've been the whole idea of like
have you ever thought about quitting
YouTube is one thing I don't have any
plans on quitting YouTube anytime soon
but it is a thing where I'm comfortable
that if YouTube ever collapsed and my
channel got deleted I would be fine that
it would suck not being able to upload
stuff for you guys but it's not going to
affect me as much as it would have three
four years ago I wouldn't feel like my
entire existence is pointless anymore
where now I feel like I have more
purpose outside of my channel so I feel
like I'm getting to a better place like
that
I'm not pandering to teenagers and kids
as much as I used to before and that to
me was a big like overcoming of
obstacles to be like you know what it's
fine to just do your own thing and not
have to pander to your audience all the
time which I feel like I kind of was
more years ago sorry I'm getting there
but it's still a lot to figure out and
that does it those are all the questions
that I had those were went on a lot
longer than I thought they were going to
but again with these types of videos I
feel like if you're here to learn and
you're here to listen that longer videos
won't really matter but this was fun to
do it is nice to answer stuff that's a
little deeper maybe a little darker
maybe stuff that I don't normally talk
about and stuff that doesn't really fit
into any other video without sounding
like a complete different tangent I
think that's why I like doing the
interviews with people as well because I
think you get a better understanding of
who I am as a person and the more you
learn about me and the more you figure
out where my head is that the better you
understand
the rest of my videos that if I'm just
uploading videos for the sake of
entertainment I'm just yelling and
screaming and fast at it's all the time
that's fine but there's more to me than
that and I'd rather show more of the
complete picture I'm still not a hundred
percent honest all the time because I
don't feel like you guys should have all
the information I don't think I should
talk about every single aspect of my
life because I need some stuff for
myself I need to have some sort of
personal private information that people
don't know about because if I give you
everything then I have nothing for
myself or my close personal friends to
talk about but hopefully you have a
better understanding of who I am and if
this is the first video of me you've
ever seen then homeboy but this is this
was nice
I'll do another one of these eventually
if you guys have any sort of different
questions but it's nice to not answer
the same questions over and over and
over again
some of these I have answered before but
as time goes on my my my brain changes
in my thought patterns change in my
mentality and certain things change
which is also interesting because people
also have the interpretation of you like
they find your channel let's say 2016
2017 and that's you but as soon as your
brain changes then you're too different
and they hate you when really it's like
oh well of course brain is going to
change brain change brain good so I
think that this adds a whole layer to
sort of people's mentalities and who
they are as people
if we go to see more youtubers do stuff
like this I think Felix did one recently
and that's kind of where I got the idea
to do this one as well because it's just
it's interesting to get more of a
perspective on things by yeah I've been
talking too much I'm going to leave this
video here thank you guys for watching
thank you guys for the questions and
thank you guys for listening until next
time I'm just gonna say please subscribe
like the video buy my merch please
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[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
so great to see a youtuber just speak
their mind you know is to be honest