[THEME MUSIC]
Happy New Year to all of you.
I can't believe it.
[MUSIC - MAROON 5, "LUCKY STRIKE"] She got me so high
and then she dropped me.
She got me, she got me, she got me.
You're my happy place.
This is my happy place.
It's so good.
You've made everybody so happy for 15 years.
Oh, wow.
Hasn't she?
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
[MUSIC - MAROON 5, "LUCKY STRIKE"] My lucky strike.
Got me so high and then she dropped me.
She got me.
She got me bad.
Took me inside and then she rocked me.
She keep me She night.
This is what it sounds like.
This is GTS.
[MUSIC - MAROON 5, "LUCKY STRIKE"] My lucky strike.
Your body rocking, keep me up all night.
One in a million.
My lucky strike.
Hey, you're taking all my pain away.
You're shaking like an earthquake.
If you can flip it, I am going to give
everyone in the audience tickets to 12 Days.
Almost.
[CHEERING]
[MUSIC - MAROON 5, "LUCKY STRIKE"] My lucky strike.
My lucky strike.
Aww.
Well, now I want a baby.
We went to go see "Magic Mike Live" together.
Let me tell you something that I learned tonight--
I'm still on my team.
But I get it.
I get it.
I appreciate you being here so very much.
I'm Ellen, and I'm gay.
[CHEERING]
We're here on a very special day today.
We're celebrating the 20th anniversary
of the coming-out episode of my sitcom.
You took that on so that people like me could be here.
You saved my life.
[MUSIC - IMAGINE DRAGONS, "THUNDER"] Lightning
and the thunder.
Thunder, feel the thunder.
Lightning and the thunder.
One of the biggest stories this past week
is the devastating hurricane in Texas.
You were hoping to raise $200,000.
How'd that go?
We're now going to be approaching the $10 million
mark, which is unheard of.
It's unbelievable.
So much needs to be done.
Right now, Puerto Rico is still struggling.
And I don't see clear.
I don't see light at the end of the tunnel.
That's why we need to work.
We cannot forget about this.
We are one planet.
We are one world.
And we can not mess around with this world.
This is the only place we all have to live.
And we need to respect one another
and take care of our planet, ourselves,
and support everybody.
You're right.
We've never, never done anything this big before.
We reached out to the people at Wal-Mart,
and they want to give each one of you a four-year scholarship.
[SCREAMING]
[MUSIC - IMAGINE DRAGONS, "THUNDER"] Thunder,
feel the thunder.
Lightning and the thunder.
When I was a little talk show host,
I had one dream-- to someday host 2,500 shows.
And today, that dream comes true.
[MUSIC - IMAGINE DRAGONS, "THUNDER"] Thunder.
Lightning and the thunder.
Thunder.
Thunder, feel the thunder.
Lightning and the thunder.
Thunder.
You love hands-on games.
Let's play the game, and whoever can suck their balls
the hardest wins.
You suck, not blow?
Of course, I'd have to teach her.
Yes, Ellen.
Hold one.
[INAUDIBLE]
Hold one.
Hold it.
And hold the other one.
Yeah.
Hold on.
Let me get a picture.
OK.
I don't know if you remember me.
I'm Karla Kardashian, and I've got a new baby bump
under my lady lumps.
You got to chill.
You have to chill is what you do.
I am a professional celebrity scarer.
I think that's mainly what I'm known for,
is scaring celebrities.
Aah!
Ooh!
Aah!
[SCREAMS]
This ass-ass-[BLEEP] has been in there the whole time?
Aah!
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING]
Is somebody going to come out of there?
That has happened.
Aah!
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING]
And I say this with just the deepest love for you--
you make everybody feel better.
You make everybody feel better.
Turn off the news.
Turn on Ellen.
You will feel better.
For 15 years, I have tried to spread kindness any way I can.
Sometimes, that means I give giant checks out
to people in need.
And sometimes, it means I have shirtless punks on.
Would I call myself a hero?
No.
But should you?
Yes.
[MUSIC - MACKLEMORE, "GLORIOUS"] The world is up for grabs.
I feel glorious, glorious.
[THEME MUSIC]
[SCREAM]
Oh my god!
Oh!
[MUSIC - DRAKE & FUTURE, "JUMPMAN"] Jumpman jumpman
jumpman, [MUTED] was you expecting?
Woo!
Oh, god.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Go get him!
Hold on.
Let me-- Oh, [INAUDIBLE].
Oh, my god.
Oh my gosh!
Oh, my god!
[LAUGHING]
[YELLING]
Oh, my god!
[SCREAMING]
Oh, hello puppy.
Daddy!
That's Mommy.
Oh.
I didn't know we was going to have a party.
Why wouldn't we?
[SCREAMS]
Oh, my god!
[MUSIC - DRAKE & FUTURE, "JUMPMAN"] --do not know
nothing, woo!
I see them tweaking, they know something coming, woo!
Dancing.
Hip-hop.
Running man.
Yes!
This incredible five-year-old has dance moves for days,
and his swag is on infinity.
I want to be this kid when I grow up, y'all.
Please welcome Tavaris.
[MUSIC - DRAKE & FUTURE, "JUMPMAN"] Yeah.
They just spent like two or three week out the country.
Them boys up to something, they just not just bluffing.
You don't have to call, I hit my dance like Usher.
I just found my tempo like I'm DJ Mustard.
I hit the Ginobili with my left hand up like woo!
Lobster and Celine for all my babies that I miss.
Chicken fingers, french fries for them hoes that wanna diss.
Jumpman jumpman jumpman, them boys up to something.
Uh uh uh, I think I need some Robitussin.
Way too many questions, you must think I trust you.
You searching for answers, I do not know nothing, woo!
I see them tweaking, they know something coming, woo!
Jumpman jumpman jumpman, that boy's up to something, woo!
Jumpman jumpman jumpman, [MUTED] was you expecting?
Woo!
Chi-town Chi-town, Michael Jordan just said text me, woo!
Jumpman jumpman jumpman jumpman jumpman jumpman.
I just seen the jet take off, they up to something.
Them boys just not bluffing, them boys just not bluffing.
Jumpman jumpman jumpman, them boys up to something.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Dude, you're awesome.
Karate.
Karate judo.
[MUSIC - LMFAO, "PARTY ROCK ANTHEM"] I running through
these hoes like Drano, I got that devilish--
[MUSIC - REEL 2 REAL, "I LIKE TO MOVE IT"] I like to move it,
move it.
I like to move it, move it.
You like to move it.
I like to move it, move it.
All right, I'm Andy Lassner.
And I'm here with the hilarious Tracee Ellis Ross
from Black-ish.
Today, we're going to play "Heads Up!"
But to make it a little more challenging,
we're doing it in these sumo suits.
Tracee, you're going to go first, giving clues.
But remember, you can not talk.
Ho ho ho!
So you will act out first, and I will guess.
And I think the clues come up behind me.
OK.
Karate.
Karate judo.
Kung fu.
Kung fu fighting.
Pass.
Next one.
Push-up.
Push-ups.
[DING]
Oh, what's happening?
Oh, yeah, limbo.
Yeah!
[DING]
Bending over.
Oh, yoga.
Yes!
[DING]
Oh, boy.
Oh, dancing.
Hip-hop.
Running man.
Yes!
[DING]
Cheerleader.
Yeah.
[DING]
[COUNTDOWN CLOCK TICKING]
Bowling.
[DING]
[TIMER BUZZES]
Weightlifting.
Yeah!
That's a serious workout.
All right, we have to switch.
But I got seven right, so you're going to have a hard time.
All right, so you have to get more than seven, or I win
and you lose.
You better do good.
Yeah.
It's all on you.
Not really.
It's on you, Andy!
Ballet.
Ballerina.
[DING]
Pregnant.
Baby?
Birth.
Giving birth.
[DING]
Shaving.
[DING]
Faster!
Riding a horse.
[DING]
Oh, God.
Breakdancing?
[DING]
Breakdancing.
Hula hoop.
[DING]
I think I'm out of air.
I don't even know how to do this.
Pass.
Tantrum.
[DING]
[COUNTDOWN CLOCK TICKING]
This was [INAUDIBLE].
Skiing?
Downhill skiing?
Golfing?
[TIMER BUZZES]
It's a tie.
Do you know what we have to do for a tie?
What?
We have to roll in the suit.
What does that mean?
Oh, no!
All right.
That's how you play "Heads Up!"
The amazing Tracee Ellis Ross.
[THEME MUSIC]
And now, in honor of the holidays,
I've added dancing to classic holiday movies,
whether it should be there or not.
Please enjoy this holiday and dance.
[MUSIC - LMFAO, "PARTY ROCK ANTHEM"] Party rock is
in the house tonight.
Shake that.
In the club, party rock.
Looking for your girl?
She on my jock.
I running through these hoes like Drano.
I got that devilish flow, rock and roll, no halo.
We party rock.
Yeah, that's the crew that I'm reppin'.
On the rise to the top, no lead in our zeppelin, hey.
Party rock is in the house tonight.
Everybody just have a good time.
And we gonna make you lose your mind.
Everybody just have a good time.
Let's go.
Party rock is in the house tonight.
Shake that.
[CHEERING]
[THEME MUSIC]