If it’s been awhile since your breakup, and your ex has moved on, then you’re probably
wondering if you still have a chance with them.
The answer is, in many cases you do still have a solid chance with your ex and in others,
it’s going to be better to move on.
In this video I’ll cover what moving on really means, how it will affect your relationship
with your ex, and what you can do to create a second chance with your ex.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning, author of The Ex Factor and breakup coach here on youtube for
over ten years now.
I’ve helped tens of thousands of people win their exes back and many of these were
in supposedly hopeless situations.
So don’t listen to what others say.
It is often possible to win back your ex even if it seems like they’ve moved on.
Let’s get into it.
First we need to establish what “moved on” means because, contrary to what some people
might tell you, it’s not like just flipping a switch where one day you wake up and you’re
totally over your ex and want nothing to do with them.
Like many things, it’s a pendulum that moves from day to day.
Just because it’s been months, or even years since your breakup, this doesn’t necessarily
mean that your ex would never consider getting back together with you.
I think we all have those people from our past who we still think about from time to
time, even if it’s been a long time, and even if they’ve had multiple relationships
since then and even serious ones.
The truth is that you can’t really determine your ex’s current state of mind until you
reach out to them, simply because so much time has passed.
You two are no longer connected the way you once were so it’s going to take a leap of
faith on your part and I need you to be prepared for the possibility that they might not be
receptive to you at all.
That’s a very real possibility but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
First let’s talk about the factors at play in your chances to get back together…
First off, the longer you two were together, the better your chances are of getting them
back after they’ve moved on.
If you two dated for a couple months six years ago then your chances are pretty slim but
if you dated for three years then you have a solid foundation that can help you reconnect.
I’d say as long as your relationship was significant then this should give you hope
for a future together.
If your relationship was very short and not that serious then this is going to hurt your
chances.
Second, let’s talk about the reason for the breakup.
It doesn’t matter how long you two dated, or how in love you were, if you stumbled upon
a fundamental incompatibility then this is going to be a huge problem when you’re trying
to reconnect.
For example, if you broke up because one of you moved to another country, and now you’re
both in the same place, then this can really help your chances.
You had a problem and now it’s been eliminated.
In this case, it’s better to ask “why WOULDN’T you get back together?”
On the other hand, if you cheated on them and stole their car then chances are they’ve
just grown to hate you more during your time apart.
Or maybe you two were in a serious relationship and you discovered that one of you wanted
kids and the other one did not.
This is a fundamental incompatibility that’s going to make things way more difficult.
But this can be solved by the next item on this list…
This is something that is difficult to factor into this discussion because it can really
change everything.
The longer you two have been apart, the more your lives will have diverged.
This means that you may no longer be the same people who fell in love in the first place.
This can be great news if the two of you broke up because of a mismatch in values or expectations
in the relationship.
Say, maybe you wanted something serious and your ex didn’t.
It’s very possible that they’re now ready to settle down.
But as time passes, people change in ways you can’t predict.
Even the breakup itself can have pretty significant effects on you as people.
Think of the person you were when the two of you were together.
Are you still that same person in every way?
Chances are your ex isn’t either.
I’m talking about the little subtle changes that happen over time that you may not even
be aware of.
These will add up to significant differences depending on how much time has passed.
Now don’t despair.
Sometimes these changes can make you a better match than you were before.
But just be aware that you’re not just going to pick up exactly where you left off.
So just keep these things in mind before you decide whether or not you want to reach out
to your ex and try to reconnect with them.
I’d still say that it’s almost always worth testing the waters.
Unless you’re in one of the scenarios that I’ll talk about later on in this video.
Now, once you do decide to reach out to them, you need to pay attention to how they respond
to you during these early interactions.
These are some signs that your ex HAS moved on and you’re going to struggle to win them
back.
Again, this is not a death sentence, but this kind of behavior will require a different
approach so try to identify it early to maximize your chances.
Here are the signs that your ex may have moved on:
- They make no attempts to contact you.
- They don’t respond at all to your attempts to incite jealousy.
- They don’t reply or seem apathetic when you bring up inside jokes or happy memories
from your time together.
- They act cold and seem uninterested in continuing any kind of conversation.
These are signs that your ex is wary about you showing up like this and trying to get
their attention….
So this either means that they’re trying to give you the hint that they don’t want
to talk to you, they’re afraid that if they let you back in then you’ll hurt them again,
or they’ve genuinely moved on and don’t think of you as a possible romantic partner
anymore.
In these situations, don’t give up all hope but modify your approach….
I always recommend having a good reason for contacting your ex and this goes double for
if your ex has moved on.
This helps disarm the situation.
It sets expectations and provides a structure so it’s less intimidating than just “hey,
what’s up?”
You can say something like “hey it’s been awhile.
I know you were always great at interior design.
I’m redoing my bathroom and I have a few questions.
Mind if I pick your brain?”
Obviously you have to modify this to fit your ex and your particular situation.
Just make it seem real and convincing.
There’s a chance your ex will see through this anyway but this won’t always hurt your
chances.
If they’re nervous about seeing you, then the fact that you can both pretend it’s
about wallpaper will help make things easier.
If your ex really is over you then you may need to modify your approach even more.
Consider signing up for my online coaching program over at BreakupBrad.com/Coaching.
I work with you to create a plan to get your ex back.
I find this approach makes things much easier when you’re dealing with a reluctant ex.
So check out BreakupBrad.com/Coaching to see my current availability and sign up today.
Now there are a few scenarios where you can’t or shouldn’t try to win your ex back.
These are pretty extreme but I wanted to touch on them because they apply to plenty of my
viewers.
So listen carefully and if any of these apply to you, please reconsider moving on and trying
to find someone new rather than contacting your ex.
It’s not always easy to tell how serious your ex’s new relationship actually is,
but if you two have been apart for a significant period and they’re telling the world about
their new relationship then chances are it’s not just a fling.
Because, here’s the thing…
while you may actually still be able to win your ex back, how could you trust them in
a relationship after you broke theirs up?
You’d always be wondering if the right person could steal them away from you.
If you do find out that your ex is dating someone else, the best thing you can do for
yourself is to cut contact and move on.
It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s going to be the best thing for everyone involved.
And remember, there’s always a chance that the two of you may reconnect in the future
when you’re both single.
Just don’t count on it.
You may be surprised to hear this, but this situation is more common than you think.
This is especially true for those who tried really hard to get their ex back without seeking
my advice.
They harassed their ex with calls and messages, or actually full on stalked their ex.
I know how easy it can be for some people to slip into this mindset without knowing
and before you know it, the police are involved.
While it’s one thing to fight for your love, it’s another to put someone in a situation
where they feel overwhelmed or unsafe.
If your ex is begging you to leave them alone, or they decide to take legal action, then
it’s time to move on.
Your ex has told you that they can’t give you the relationship that you want.
[TEXT ON SCREEN]
Whether it’s issues with commitment or wanting kids, if you and your ex want different things,
then it’s time to move on.
As much as you may think that your ex will change their mind, or that you’ll be fine
settling for less, I think deep down you know that this is a mistake… and one that will
likely end in heartbreak.
If your ex is ignoring you on every front possible then this is an obvious sign that
he or she is over you and it’s time to move on.
As hard as this can be, take it as a sign and move on.
While there are strategies you can take to win your ex back, at some point they have
to show a willingness to communicate with you.
Without that, you can never win them back.
You’ve tried every trick in the book.
[TEXT ON SCREEN]
If you’ve been trying to win your ex back the right way and have had no luck, then it
may be time to move on.
So if you’ve registered for my Ex Factor program and followed the entire guide to the
letter, and you’re still not having results, then it may be time to move on.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, head on over to BreakupBrad.com and watch
the free video presentation there.
That video explains how the Ex Factor works and how you can get started today.
Again, if you’re interested in finding out more about the program, then visit BreakupBrad.com
and watch the free video presentation.
Everyone in your life could see that your ex wasn't right for you, but you were so blinded
by love that you ignored how you really felt.
If you start to see the red flags that you had hidden for so long, then it’s time to
move on.
To get you going, reflect on the excuses you used to make to justify your ex’s behaviour.
Do you still agree with your reasoning, or do you see that they were just excuses that
let you cling to a broken relationship?
There comes a point where you have to step back from the situation, and think with your
head-- NOT your heart.
It's tough, but if your dynamic isn't working then it’s time to find the courage to move
on.
This doesn’t mean that your feelings will disappear right away, and it’s totally okay
to take time and grieve the relationship.
But if you know there is no hope for a future, then it's time to put your ex behind you and
officially close this chapter in your life.
So, that’s all for this video, I hope you enjoyed it.
If you have any questions regarding what I’ve just covered please post them in the comments
below and I’ll answer as soon as I can.
Thanks for watching…bye for now