Should you just give up on trying to get your ex back. That is what we're going to be talking
about in this video, including some things that you can do, if you are feeling stuck
in your situation, it's clay with modern love at.life. Let's go ahead and get right into
it. So the first thing I want you to understand about whether or not you should give up on
getting your ex back or not, is that it is always 100% okay. To just say this just isn't
the right person for me. I am going to choose to take my life in a different direction,
choose to try to date someone else or something like that. It is always okay for you to just
say, you know, this isn't for me, sometimes people get into this whole dynamic, this whole
struggle of trying to get their ex back.
And even when it is exhausting, even when it is not in alignment with what they want,
even when they are not enjoying their interactions with one another, they feel compelled to keep
going at it. And that's fine if that's what you want to do, but if you don't want to do
it, that is always 100%. Okay. I want you to be in charge of your love life. And I don't
want you to just be looking to rules that I say, or someone else on the internet says,
or friends or family or anything like that. If you want to be with someone, go ahead and
do what you need to do to try to make that happen. If you don't want to be with someone,
then don't let anyone else tell you that you need to, you know, keep trying, or you need
to give up, but you need to wait X amount of time or something like that.
Go with what feels right for you. And if you want to give up, that is always 100%. Okay.
If you want to hang in there, that is always 100%. Okay. As well too, with that being said,
though, what I do look for when it comes to clients that I'm working with in coaching
is, is there some sort of progress being made in terms of the connection that the two of
you are making? We want to look for progress in the emotional connection. Of course, we
want to give this progress a reasonable amount of time. I'd say probably like, you know,
a couple months or something. If after a couple of months, are you making some sort of progress
in connecting better? Are you making some sort of progress in getting closer? Are you
making some sort of progress in terms of, um, getting closer to the relationship that
you want, if you are, and this is something that still feels right to you and still feels
good to you then sure.
Keep going and keep trying. If you're not making progress, if you're still in the exact
same place that you were, you know, 1, 2, 3 months ago, then that is, and you, you know,
you've actually done things to move things forward. You haven't just done like passive,
no contact or something. Um, or, you know, played like reverse psychology, mind games
or something like that. But if you actually done something to give you a reasonable expectation
that like, okay, here I am, I'm trying to connect with you here. I am trying to work
through, uh, challenges and obstacles and all that stuff. And you're still in the same
place then, you know, me not as like some, some know it all who knows everything about
relationships or whatever, but just, it's just someone who just wants to see you in
a good relationship. I would just tap you on the shoulder and say, Hey, it looks like,
um, what what's going on here?
Isn't working. Do you want to try changing your strategy? Maybe, maybe this isn't the
right person for you. Maybe, maybe things are just sort of hitting a, a dead end here
for some reason. I just want to check in with you. And of course at that point you can either
choose, yes, I want to keep going with this or Hey, maybe no, this isn't the right thing.
And you know, again, I'm not saying this as some sort of like, you know, oh, all knowing,
turn your brain off and follow Clay's rule kind of thing. I want you to choose to do
what's right for you. You know, sometimes I say things like, yeah, you know, I want
to see progress within three months and people say, Hey, it's been three months. There's
been no progress. Like, what should I do? Does that mean that I have to give up?
My answer is no. Like, you can choose what you want to do again. I'm just going to tap
you on the shoulder and say, Hey, looks like we have any progress here. Is it still something
you want to do? Are you still like, is your strategy maybe the right strategy? Or maybe
we need to do something a little bit different here. That's what I want to see just to make
sure that this is very clear here. I want you to see progress from where you were. Let's
just say three months ago, are you making some degree of acceptable progress for you?
This doesn't mean you are like back together in three months. It's not like, okay, we were
broken up and now we're back together. It's three months later. This means is there some
degree of progress? And we were broken up and we weren't talking, but now we're talking
and we're getting along pretty well.
And we're meeting up once in a while, if that's the case. Okay, cool. Well, I see that as
progress. And again, assuming this is still something you want to do, let's keep going
forward. If it's not something you want to do again, it's okay to quit for any reason.
Then, you know, maybe it's time to say, okay, this is maybe I just don't want to do this
anymore. Even if I'm making progress. Um, but this is something that you really want
to focus on, uh, is whether or not the emotional connection is getting closer and closer and
closer towards, Hey, it seems like we're going to recommit to one another because we're on
the same team. We're bonding, we're having positive interactions and rebuilding trust.
If that's what's happening, then there is progress being made. And, and you know, whether
or not you want to do anything or not, I'm seeing the two of you, you know, moving forward.
And if you want him to get back together, it would probably be a good sign. Let's put
it that way. The important thing here is when you're moving forward and trying to get progress
to happen, you may at some points need to nudge your ex out of their comfort zone because,
uh, they may not want to step forward and move toward the two of you committing. I mean,
they might, but many times they might not want to either because they find themselves
in a tough situation where it's like, okay, I have feelings for you, my ex, but I also
ended up in this rebound relationship. Like, what does that mean? Like, what if I actually
do have feelings for you? What if I actually do want to be with you, but I don't want to
go through this complicated process of breaking up with someone else.
And then, you know, what, if things don't work out with it with you and me, like, and
then am I going to feel weird because I broke up with someone and then I try to get back
to go you, and then I just end up falling flat on my face or Hey, you know, I told all
my friends and family that we broke up and it was really tough. It was hard. And now
they all hate your guts. And now I need to go back and tell them that we're dating again,
and that we're going to get back together. And what are they going to say? Right. There's
all sorts of different reasons why your ex might not want to move towards committing
to you. And so when it comes to things like this, uh, we want to say, okay, if the progress
isn't being made, how can I let them know that I want to see some degree of progress?
What we want to do is we want to start to put them in situations where it's like an
either or sort of thing, not necessarily an ultimatum, but it's like, okay, we've built
up the emotional connection to the point where it makes sense for us to do this next thing.
It makes sense for us to maybe tell your friends that you've been seeing me again, or it makes
sense for us to, you know, maybe meet up in person or it make sense for us to, um, you
know, go on a romantic date and actually call it a date as opposed to like meeting up or
hanging out or something like that. If you can put your ex in these sorts of situations
where they have to play their hand a little bit, you're going to get a lot of feedback
about where they are and what they are willing to do.
And, and sort of where the emotional connection is between the two of you, because they may
want to stay in some sort of comfort zone of sort of ambiguity. How, what, where are
the two of you? I dunno, we're just friends. It's, it's complicated, whatever, right? I
don't want you to stay in this sort of half relationship where it's like, okay, yeah,
we're connecting, but there's still in this rebound relationship. You know, that's not
fair for you. So what we want to do is want to put them in these places and in these positions
where they have to choose a or B and they have to make a decision moving forward. And
the most important thing isn't necessarily what they choose a or B it's that we're putting
them in a place where no matter what they do, they have to re reveal, um, what their
intentions are, what their feelings are, where their emotional connection is with you and
all of that sort of stuff.
I mean, of course you want to do this at the right time. You don't want to put pressure
on them too early when they are still upset at you about something. Otherwise they're
just going to wall you off and shut you down. Um, you want to make sure that you have the
right emotional connection in place so that you can leverage that emotional connection,
um, and say, Hey, you know, it looks like we're having a good time interacting with
one another. It might make sense if we got together in person or something like that,
that makes a lot more sense than just saying like, Hey, I know we just had a fight the
other day, but I think that, you know, you should, um, you know, tell your friends and
family that we're seeing each other like that, that obviously there's not the, the emotional
connection there to leverage. Should
You give up on
Getting back together with your ex, this is a personal choice that you need to make. Um,
but I would really recommend that you look for progress and do things to nudge the progress
forward when, and if you need to go ahead and leave a comment down below and let me
know whether or not you are going to continue trying to get back together with your ex or
if for whatever reason, it's just not right for you. Uh, anyway, thanks so much. Take
care. And I'll talk to you next.