Authoritative parenting is definitely the most effective style of parenting of
all of the 4 commonly known styles which are authoritative, authoritarian,
neglectful and permissive parenting. But I don't call it authoritative parenting.
I call it traditional strict parenting. And when we think of it that way, we
learn a lot more of what it really means to be authoritative. By the end of this
video, you'll understand how to be a better parent.
I started calling authoritative parenting traditional strict parenting
years ago after I was asked to be on a program called the world's strictest
parents. I know. Scary name, right? In fact, I didn't
think I was a strict parent at that time. I was asked to be on this program
because they thought that I might be strict but I didn't think I was. In my
mind, strict was ornery, aggressive. In fact, I would say what I thought a strict
parent was would be considered bully,-fear based type parenting. Which many
people refer to as authoritarian parenting. So, after I consented to do
this program, I was sharing my distaste for the name world's strictest parents
with a friend of mine. And this friend, she was a lot older than me. In her late
60's I believe. And she said to me, "Nicholeen, you don't understand what
strict means. You definitely are a strict parent. One of the strictest I know. A
strict parent doesn't need to yell." My mind was blown. "What? I was strict?" I had
no idea. She said go home Nicholeen and look it up. You'll see you are strict.
She's like, "I'm not even going to try to convince you of it." So, I went home and I
looked it up in my Webster's 1828 dictionary and there was a great
definition there in the dictionary which essentially said that a person who is
strict is a person who governs themselves by their principles. A person
who says, "These are my principles so this is the action I'm going to take." And I'm
going to stick to it." Oh, whoa! When I read that, I realized I
was strict. I might be the most strict parent I know.
No wonder they asked me to be on the program. If you want to see that world's
strictest parents program, then you can click that up in the corner and it will take
you to that program that happened in 2009. So, really there are only 3
types of parenting even though people usually talk about 4 parenting
styles. There's traditional strict, bully-fear based and then modern progressive.
The moderate progressive type of parenting is the type of parenting
that's more permissive, more neglectful a little bit more wild and don't do as
much training of their children as the other 2. But the bully-fear based has
its problems, doesn't it? The bully fear base is very domineering, oftentimes
uncaring. Definitely more aggressive and leads to a lot of troubling behaviors
like a feeling of low self-worth, dishonesty, codependence and so forth. The
traditional strict parenting is definitely the way to go because it's
the only style of parenting that is actually based in freedom. True liberty
is the result of traditional strict parenting. Because when a person has
liberty they have full knowledge of something. It comes from the Latin root
word liber which means to learn or well even more than that it means to be able
to read, write and speak. That's how the word originated. And we see the root of
that word in words like library which is where libros in Spanish or books would
be. Okay? All of those words come from that latin liber. And they lead to
freedom. Well, Liberty is the result. Real freedom
is the result when a family knows who each other is and they live according to
their roles and they have specific principles and skills that hold them
together. A traditional strict family is a planned family. That means they don't
just go with the flow but they say, "What type of a family do we want to be?" They
make a vision for that. I've got videos on this channel to talk about that. If
you haven't subscribed you should, because then you can not miss out on any
of those other videos. The vision that a traditional strict family makes leads
naturally into making standards for their family. Having meetings together as
a family so they can problem-solve as a group. And having skills that they use
that are in common with all family members to solve problems
and to communicate effectively. It takes time, it takes dedication, it takes
self-government on the part of the parents and they need to teach that
self-government to the children. But it's totally possible. And the best thing is
it's really liberating. I took in foster teens for a lot of years into my home
and they would come feeling worried about this new placement that they were
coming to if we were going to be understanding of their needs. If we were
going to be angry or aggressive to them. And after they were in our traditional
strict family environment, for sometimes just a couple of days, their whole
countenance changed. They felt safe. In fact in the BBC program, if you'd have a
chance to look at it, you'll see James and Hannah crying at the end of the
program. And that's because they didn't want to leave our house. They asked me
and my husband if they could stay. If they please didn't have to go back to
England. They said to us, "We feel so safe here." It broke our hearts. We love them. We
still love them. And we wanted them to be able to stay. There have been so many
people that have come to my home over the years that I've wished they could
stay. And they'll always have a piece of my heart. But I'm so glad that they
tasted freedom at our house. That they were able to see there was a better way.
So, that the when they went on with their lives, they knew there was another choice
besides whatever they see in their families or in society around them. It's
been such a joy to be in contact with our foster children and to sometimes be
in contact with James and Hannah from the BBC show. And to hear of the great
things they're doing, the self-government that they're having. The freedom that
they have because of 8 days in a functioning family. A family let's
planned is a family that's functional. Because they're not manipulative. Bully-
fear based families and modern progressive families
are both manipulating their children in order to make life easier for themselves.
Whether it's to not have to handle it or do anything or whether it's to control
everything so that they get something their way. Both ways,
manipulation. And anywhere on the spectrum between those 2 things,
manipulation as well. So, what things can we expect out of a traditional strict or
authoritative family? We can expect increased family unity because the
culture in a traditional strict type of family is about the family, not about the
individual. We can also expect that the children who are raised in a traditional
strict type of family have a good moral foundation that they'll be able to fall
back on. We can expect increased honesty. We can expect the parents to be seen as
leaders. In fact they're the type of leaders that model the things that they
lead to the children. This type of environment is nourishing. It cultivates
the souls of the children and the parents. The traditional strict parenting
is definitely the most effective. And children who are in that environment
have the greatest gains in their lives. To learn more about what these gains are,
watch my video "How Do Parenting Styles Affect Child Development?"