- The degree to which you are detached
from carrying what other people think of you,
the more people will attach themselves to your energy
because it's magnetic
to not need anyone else's validation,
to not need anyone else's text message back,
to not need implies the most amount of value.
So in this video,
we're gonna be talking about detachment.
Why it's so magnetic,
how you can tap into the energy of it,
and how you can really let go
of the things that maybe making your energy field
more sporadic.
Maybe you're feeling more needy,
you're really wanting someone to text you back.
You're checking the internet connection
to see if maybe it's just the internet connection
what's causing you not to get the text message
or whatever it is.
And the thing with this process is,
it's understanding the energy
that you are putting out into the world.
Because think of it like an energy field.
Now, your energy field has within it
the thoughts, the emotions, and feelings
that you're feeling.
And if you're feeling
like I need something out there to come in here,
that's saying I lack something inside my own energy field.
And the lack is then also can only allow in more lack.
So you will either attract people
that don't give you that sense of validation
or approval or whatever it is,
or you'll find yourself not able to attract love altogether.
So it's like one of the two
because beliefs create our reality.
Whatever we believe to be true,
that's the experience we get.
And if we have a belief, even that, like, you know
for a long time,
I had the belief that women in my life tried to control me.
So I would only attract women that were either jealous
or trying to control me for years,
because that was my belief.
There were even times when I could see
that I attracted people that weren't that way,
but I literally turned them down,
and like, wasn't interested,
because it did not fall within the belief that I had
that woman tried to control me.
And that stemmed, of course, from childhood,
from the whole ex stepmom situation
from seven to 15 years old.
So in our energy field,
if we feel lacked,
we will attract people that reflect that lack back to us,
or we would just wanna attract people together with that.
Now, an interesting thing I was thinking about the other day
is I remember when I first got on YouTube
and I started to grow,
I got to like maybe 70,000 subs or something like that.
And then what happened is a YouTuber reached out to me
or I reached out to like some YouTuber,
and I ended up hanging out with this person in LA.
We actually, you know, I went to La,
and I remember that this person
that I was meeting,
I had him like on a pedestal.
Like, I was just starting to go full time with YouTube
and I was starting to come into my power,
and I was around this other YouTuber
that had like tripled the amount of subs that I had.
And I was like putting him on a pedestal.
And I remember meeting him,
and I could just tell that I was doing this thing
where I was like super excited to be there.
And I was like almost giving away my power
and my energy to this person.
But then something interesting happened.
Hung out with them two or three days,
and kind of the blinders started to come off, right?
I started to see like,
"Oh, this person's just like me."
Like, we're all, I started taking 'em off the pedestal.
And the interesting thing
is I felt like we didn't really connect,
and he didn't really even care if I was there.
And we made like a video and stuff together.
And then what happened is I went back to Vegas,
and then I went back to California where he was,
and then hung out with him again.
And I was like, I didn't put anything on a pedestal,
I was like, "This is totally cool."
And it was like way more natural.
It was way easier to connect.
And not only that, but I could tell,
because I wasn't attached
to what he thought, his validation,
wasn't attached to like what we post on social media
or anything, like, I just didn't give a shit.
Because I didn't give a shit,
there was like this respect that was there.
And we ended up actually doing a talk
at like some place in LA.
We did like this little talk with like 40, 50 people there.
And it was just like,
it was just way smooth.
And it was interesting, but it all happened.
And I could tell that the respect was there
when I stopped caring what he thought of me
and I stopped being attached to outcome.
It was an interesting energy.
Even had that with my buddy.
My buddy Owen came over yesterday.
He has a company
and I was watching his videos for years.
And it's like,
it was, I met him, and by then,
I'd already kinda like taken people off a pedestal
and stuff like that,
and learned this energy dynamic of being detached.
But I would,
I remember when I met him,
it was like, we connected,
and it was like,
we ended up making a video together as well,
but it was like as I just sank into myself
and I didn't give away my own energy
and I was just being myself,
it just, it was so different.
But in the beginning,
there was like this neediness, this validation.
And there's like, I just learned to like be inside my body
and to let go of that.
And the more I would like go of that,
the more then we just able to connect.
And now he's like a buddy where we hang out
like anytime we're in the same city and stuff.
We'll like hang out and talk,
and share ideas and stuff like that.
So I know, you know, in a similar way,
when it comes to attracting love,
if you can get to,
and really what this has to do with
is getting to a place to where you realize
your own sense of value.
Your own sense of frame.
And you know that you fill up your own cup
and you don't need anything from the outside.
I remember I had another friend as well
that I had trouble setting boundaries with for a while.
But then what happened is I started to become aware
that I had trouble setting boundaries with this friend,
and I really kind of put this friend on a pedestal
'cause he was so successful and stuff like that.
But then what I did is I said fuck it one day,
and I just started being myself
and saying whatever came to my mind.
I just gave my self permission to say it
even if it was kind of triggering.
And before I wouldn't say it
'cause I would worry if this would trigger someone.
You wanna know what happened?
It was like there was more connection.
And also, like, he, I could just tell respected me more,
because I was saying what I was actually,
it was real what I was saying,
even if he didn't maybe like it as much, you know.
Because I was being myself.
And understand that you are the most attractive
when you are just being unapologetically yourself.
Even if you polarize them at first,
you may be yourself,
and maybe that polarizes some people,
that's a good thing.
As long as you're being yourself in an authentic way.
And what that means is like being yourself
and not attached to outcome,
not doing it to get someone else's approval or validation.
Instead, you're doing it because it's an end of itself.
Now the biggest thing
if you're going on dates
and you're meeting other people,
and you are you're having this problem
where you attach yourself to their energy,
one of the biggest things you'll notice with this
is what happens is we immediately take ourself
out of the present moment,
and we're putting ourselves into the future,
or we're putting ourselves into the past.
So we're not present.
We're either wanting their validation and approval,
which means we're attached to outcome
or we're projecting that we're wanting something
that maybe we feel like we didn't get in childhood,
maybe also their validation and approval.
And what we end up doing is we take ourselves
outta the present moment,
and by being attached to outcome,
we're attaching ourselves to the past and the future.
The challenge with that
is that then we're not present.
And when we're not present,
we don't have that attractive energy.
We're not in our magnetic frame.
That's why awareness is so powerful.
Awareness is like just this this observation and this energy
of realizing the patterns you may be living out.
And if you have a needy energy
where you attach yourself to other people,
and you want their validation approval,
and you become aware of it,
that's where the transformation begins.
Because then you see,
"Oh, I don't have to continue to do this.
And then you can catch yourself too
if you start doing it,
and you're like, "Oh, I hope this date goes really well,"
or whatever it is,
you start going to the future,
you say, "No, I'm gonna stay and be present in the moment."
Even if in the moment you're feeling nervous,
if you let yourself feel nervous,
the energy dissipates.
If you don't let yourself feel nervous
and you think there's something wrong,
the energy stays locked into place.
And a lot of times,
that'll come out as trapped emotion.
So realize that for having magnetic energy,
all really is necessary is having self- acceptance.
It's accepting your weirdness.
It's accepting your own insecurities.
If you would just own your insecurities,
it would transform it.
People look at their insecurities and they're like,
"Oh, I have a freckle,
I have this big nose or I have this."
And then they feel like there's something wrong with them.
And then in their energy field,
they literally project out I have a weird face,
or I have this, or I have whatever.
And then people feel that energy.
But if you would just own whatever you have,
and know that it's actually what makes you
unique and special,
people would then feel that energy off of you.
A lot has to do with what you feel about you.
And that energy, it's almost like a wave field.
They say, you know, is it a particle or a wave?
And they talk about it a lot in physics.
But it's like I believe there's like these wave fields
that go off of your body,
and that are full of your most dominant core beliefs,
and then you perceive in reality
things that are equal to those beliefs.
So if you believe that,
"Oh I only attract people that like ditch me
or that take advantage of my energy,"
then guess what,
you will only allow people into your life
that are within that bandwidth of energy.
But if you become aware of that bandwidth and energy,
and maybe even see that that bandwidth of energy
was around in childhood,
something that you're just familiar with,
you can become aware of it.
Let it be there.
Don't try to control it or to change it
to think there's something wrong,
but as you be your awareness to it,
you then start to widen your sense of bandwidth
to where then you can attract people into your life
where you recognize the red flag
of someone's manipulating your energy,
and you can actually say what you really think
or feel and draw boundaries with it.
Awareness is key.
So in the same way,
if you're going out on a date,
and you're like,
"I really hope they give me this,
and I hope this happens, or this happens,"
you catch yourself.
And instead, you also focus on self amusement.
You focus on enjoying the experience,
enjoying the process.
Because when you're enjoying the process,
you're in the moment,
and your energy is attractive.
Go out on dates and do things you wanna do.
I remember in past relationships,
if I had put someone on a pedestal,
and I'd be like,
"Oh we're gonna go do what you wanna do
and we're go to the whatever restaurant you wanna go to,"
and I wasn't leading,
wasn't being in my true masculine frame.
And it's like, they couldn't then feel safe.
But then I was also like tailoring my own energy for them.
Then what I did is something interesting.
There was, of course you wanna be aware
of other people's energy
so you don't have to be like a narcissist
where it's like,
"I'm only gonna go to at, we're to eat where I wanna eat."
But then when I started doing in past relationships,
I started, "You know, what,
what do I wanna eat?"
And I would like,
I'd suggest and lead someone to let's go do this.
And then it was like refreshing for them.
Oh, they can relax,
and they're being led somewhere.
But that was also more attractive to them
because I was doing what I wanna do,
not just like tuning my,
there's a balance with this of course.
On one hand of that,
like where you're like,
"We're gonna do this no matter what."
That's like, you know, that could be narcissism
if you're always demanding and controlling like that.
Like, "Everyone has to adhere to my frame no matter what."
But on the other side of that,
there's people that, "I don't know what my frame is
and we'll do whatever you wanna do.
Yeah, honey, whatever you want
whatever you want, whatever you want."
And then the feminine can't feel safe.
So interesting enough,
what's been the most powerful
is we kind of having a balance and awareness of that,
but like ultimately doing what leading.
Leading has been like a really powerful thing with this.
And my buddy, Owen, over yesterday,
we were chilling,
and one interesting thing he said too
is he's done public speaking for like 10 years,
like three days a week sometimes.
He's done like out, like 10-hour talks.
Always talking about different ideas and stuff like that
at his seminars.
And one thing he told me,
I said, "What is your belief,
like when you go out on stage?"
He's like, "You know," he's got interesting energy.
He's like, "You know, it's interesting."
He's like, "I have, I've done so many of these
that I just like know it's gonna be awesome.
So like, when I do these events,
I just like know that it's like a privilege for everybody
to be there.
And I've spent like 10 years talking about this stuff,
so it's like, I just know that it's gonna land for them,
it's gonna be fricking awesome.
And I just believe that,
and therefore that's what they feel.
Because in his energy field that's what he feels.
You see, so in a similar way,
your energy, how you feel about you.
Your energy is being emanated off of you
and people are feeling it.
If there's a needy energy there,
if there's an energy of insecurity there,
people are feeling it.
And the best part is,
is you have the ability to bring awareness to it
and to change the meaning.
And to decide I am valuable to draw boundaries,
maybe even with other people.
And to understand that as you do draw boundaries,
you will feel completely different about yourself.
Boundaries are one of the most magnetic things
you can also lay with people,
because a boundary says,
"This is okay, this isn't okay."
And it makes it clear for people,
and you're expressing yourself with displays value.
I remember in the past,
like, someone I was dating a while,
like two years ago or something like that.
I was dating someone
and she had this thing
where she like would show up late.
Like anytime we were supposed to hang out,
she showed up like half an hour or an hour late.
Or she would then like sleep in,
and then like two or three hours later,
text me and say, "Oh, sorry, I fell asleep,"
and stuff like that.
And it happened two or three times,
so eventually what I did
is I literally just cut it off.
I was like, I don't, I value,
I had to come back to my own center,
and I was like going through a lot of my own transformation
at this time.
And I was like, I value my time,
and like, if this isn't a priority for you,
then I literally cut it off.
And when I cut it off,
all of a sudden, I could tell,
she realized, "Oh, shit, what was I doing?
Why was I being that way?"
And then she was more so like much more accepted.
And the next time we hung out,
she like showed up on time,
and was like extra communicative.
It was very interesting.
But I could tell that the attraction was way more there
when I was actually valuing myself,
and I was saying what I felt like.
It was like I felt like disturbed that it was like hour,
like my time wasn't being valued,
but I wouldn't say it.
But then all of a sudden I started saying it,
and then there was like, it felt good for me to say
because I was authentic.
And then it also, it like was more attractive.
So the reason I say this
is because what you think is your block,
or like isn't attractive is attractive if you own it.
And what you,
all you gotta really do is you gotta own it.
You gotta be in your own frame.
Maybe lead, be authentic, be vulnerable.
Own what you're saying and feeling,
and other people will feel that energy off of you.
- Now, there is a,
if you haven't heard of my three steps of transformation,
they're very simple,
but it basically has to do with awareness,
letting go, wiring in.
Awareness is 90% of all transformation.
I have a free PDF that will show you step-by-step
how to transform
into a new version of yourself authentically.
It's completely free,
it's in the top of the description box below,
or you go to aarondoughty.com/pdf.
Download that, and watch how you apply
those three simple steps
when you use metaphors and stuff like that to help you.
Watch how much your life changes 21 days from then.
And then also, if you haven't checked out this video yet,
this is the Five Secrets to Letting Go
That Make You Confident AF.
It's one of the most powerful videos I've ever made.
Watch this video
and watch how it transforms your confidence
from the inside out.
People feel what you feel about you.
The energy inside of our bodies are contagious.
And based on how we feel about ourselves, the.