(swooshing)
- You wanna give your boo the boot?
This is the perfect show for you!
- [Vena] Each one of these couples
thinks that one of them is going on a date
with one of us.
- [Chico Bean] The other one will be watching
and calling the shots from a secret location.
- [Karlous] At the end of the day we're gonna grade 'em
and let 'em know if they're relationship material or naw.
- Smash.
- I would say dash.
- [Chico Bean] Ladies and gentlemen, this is...
- [All] Smash or Dash!
- [Karlous] You should probably pick the latter.
On this episode, we have Shiry
who says William,
the younger guy she's seeing,
won't try anything that's out of his comfort zone
and doesn't wanna settle down.
Can he grow up
before she grows out of this relationship?
- What is going on, Shiry girl?
- Tell us everything.
- I'm dating a guy named Will.
He's cut or whatever--
- What does that mean?
"Cute or whatever?"
Is he cute, or is it whatever?
- He's so cute.
- How long y'all been talking?
- Like seven months now.
- That's a long time.
- But we're not like together, together.
I'm not his girl or anything.
- Are you seeing other people?
- I'm not, so I don't think he should either.
- That's unrealistic.
(Shiry sighs)
- So what do you think Willy needs to do
to prove to you that he's ready for what you're looking for?
- He should be more committed.
He is living in his comfort zone.
Like, I'm very adventurous, he's not.
The other day I went sky diving, he's like,
"Oh, are you crazy?"
Like, "I ain't doing that."
- Willy is very mature.
He was trying to save your life.
- So, I'ma be going on a date with your man.
I'ma see if he immature.
I'ma bring it out of him, okay?
And you 'gon be watching-- - Oh, I love it.
- This whole date with me and William.
You sure you want me to go?
- Don't take him. - 'Cause I might do that.
I got this.
- [Chico Bean] Now we got something.
- [Maddy] I think he's cute.
- [Shiry] He's cute.
What's wrong with him?
- Nothing.
- Hi! - Oh, (beep)!
- How are you? Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too! - Man!
- You look good.
- You look better.
- A lil' one-two.
A lil' one-two.
- Hell yeah I'm (beep) with it.
- [Vena] What's your name?
- I'm William.
- William, nice to meet you.
Pretty V.
I know, I know.
- Oh, he already knew who she was.
- How old are you?
- I'm 24.
I just turned 24.
My birthday was two days ago.
- He's a liar.
He 22.
He lying.
- Hi guys, I'm Hannah.
I'm gonna be your server.
- [Vena] Thank you.
- Thank you.
- I think we're ready to order though.
- You go first.
- Vena, order his food for him.
- I'm gonna have the prefix.
- Okay, great!
- And then for him, I'm gonna have the octopus.
- Whoa, whoa, you ordering?
You ordering for me?
- Yeah.
- Nah, I don't know about all that.
I don't do octopus.
- [Hannah] It's great.
- [William] Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Hamburger, french fries. - We do not have that.
- You don't have hamburger?
- No.
- This is America.
- It's a specialty restaurant.
- [Vena] Thank you so much.
- [Karlous] Ask him if he got a girlfriend, Vena.
- Are you single?
- Ah, it's complicated.
I got a little somethin'-somethin' but--
- Little somethin'-somethin'!
- Whew, you're not even a whole somethin'!
- Define little somethin'-somethin'
- Your little someethin'-somethin'?
What that mean?
I'm ready to just chill out and hear this.
- Yeah, go ahead, yeah, yeah.
I mean, she a little somethin'-somethin' though.
She got on my nerves a little bit.
Like, she not lady like, and she just be doing
some off the wall kind of things, like--
- [Vena] What do you mean she not lady like?
- All right.
- [Vena] What do you mean?
- Something like that.
But like a little extra.
She can be jumping out of planes,
bungee jumping-- - But isn't that good?
- No, it's not good!
But tell me 'bout yourself.
You single?
- I'm single.
I'm ready to mingle now.
- I'm right here.
- [Shiry] Get the (beep) outta here.
- So you interested, like--
- [William] Of course.
She's like on the side.
Right now I got, I guess you call like a wandering eye--
(Karlous screams)
- On the side.
You the side!
Oh!
- You know what?
- Oh!
Ah!
(William laughs)
- You good? - It's, I don't know.
Like, all morning something been going on under here.
- Ask him to rub your toes.
- [Vena] Can you rub that?
Like, just the big toe a little bit, please?
- Wait, you want me to rub your big toe?
- Yeah.
- [Vena] Please.
- I guess so.
Here you go.
There you go. - Ah, thank you, Willy.
- Oh, Willy rub feet on the first date.
- Call me Wet Willy.
- Wet Willy!
Okay!
- You can put that back on.
- Wet it up with your water.
Wet it up with your cup of water.
- Wet it up with my water?
- [Vena] Yeah, since you Wet Willy.
- I can make it wet other ways.
- [Vena] You can make it wet other ways?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Put your foot on his lap.
- So can I put my feet right here?
On your leg?
- I got you.
- Ooh.
- You strong!
- Yo, get the (beep) outta here.
(Karlous laughs)
- Does he rub your feet?
- No!
- [Maddy] What?
- He look adventurous to me.
- Yeah, wait a second.
- You sweating, Willy, underneath them arms.
- A little bit.
It's a little hot in here.
- It's a little hot in there?
- Might be a little nervous 'cause of you.
- So cute.
(Shiry sighs)
- Ay, dios mio.
- What the (beep)?
- Oh, that looks amazing!
- The octopus, we just killed that.
So, it's very fresh.
- Oh, that's good!
Let's pray first.
- Pray first?
- I'm spiritual.
- Of course.
- Yo I been tryna get him to church for mad long.
He doesn't wanna.
- He's not religious?
- "I don't wanna pray."
(William clears his throat)
- You the man, you the man, Jesus.
You the man.
I wanna thank shorty right here.
She looking beautiful.
Thank you for giving me a break from my girl.
Please let this octopus go down safely--
- I'm sorry.
Jesus, give me, but you said your girl in the prayer,
but you didn't have one at first.
- Huh?
Well girl, little shorty, little thing thing.
It's a little fling.
- So you're a liar.
- So you're lying, Willy!
- Amen!
Amen.
(Chico Bean laughs) - Willy, you have to
stop bugging out.
- This is a new person.
- I don't even know him.
- [Vena] Okay.
- That looks like...
(William laughs) - Come on.
You try it and I try it.
- You ordered it first.
You first.
- No, let's try it. - You got drinks?
Oh, thank you. - Yes.
- Thanks, thanks.
- You have a spicy margarita.
- You got any hot sauce?
- We do not, I'm sorry.
- A1 steak sauce? - No.
- Ketchup? - No.
- Just eat the (beep) octopus.
- Mayo?
- Just eat it.
(Megan and Chico Bean laugh)
- [Megan] Dummy, eat it!
- I will let you do me if you try this.
- All right now you,
you put it that way...
- Ah, yummy!
(Karlous and Chico Bean laugh)
- [William] Mm, mm, mm!
- Whew!
Whew, I just been so gassy.
What you eat, beans or something?
I been gassy this morning.
Oh my god.
- You wanna go to the bathroom?
- Oh, God.
- They got a bathroom for that.
- [Megan] Did he just freak out?
- So, shorty.
Are y'all still having sex?
- Yeah.
She can't get enough of me, duh.
- [Chico Bean] Oh, he knocking you down like that?
- You crackin' like that?
- Hey, what can I say?
I don't wanna toot my own horn, but toot-toot.
- Well, toot-toot.
- Toot-toot!
- They call be Big Willy.
- They call him Quick Willy.
- Oh, Quick Willy?
- Nah, I (beep) quick but I reload real quick.
(Karlous and Chico Bean laugh)
- TMI, Will.
- Will is keeping it 100 on this date.
- Aye.
- We should do something.
Wait, let's dance.
- Come on, I'm with that.
- Keep it loud, keep it loud.
- [Vena] Oh!
- Has he done this with you ever?
- No.
He says that I'm embarrassing every time I start dancing.
- What?
- You look good as hell.
- Thank you!
Do I make you feel better than shorty already?
- Hell yeah!
She don't do no fun (beep) like this.
- Aye.
(Karlous Megan and Chico Bean cheer)
(Karlous laughs)
- That's your dude, right?
That's him?
- Yes, that's him.
- He actin' brand new toady.
- Yeah, he is unique.
- Very.
- So would you smash me?
If I wanted you to? - Of course.
Of course.
Is that even a question?
We could go right now.
I show you my squid.
- Oh!
- [Megan] Whoa.
- You got a girlfriend.
- I mean...
- You said it's complicated, it's up and down.
- Well what's not complicated?
Math is complicated.
Everything's complicated.
(Chico Bean laughs)
- Dang, man.
Where did you find this dude?
- Look at you.
You getting (beep) already.
Damn, I really touched you.
- [Vena] Who getting (beep)?
- Look at you, you gettin' wet?
Damn, it's that affect I got on women.
- Oh.
- It's okay, babe.
- You doing a lot flirting.
I'm ready to go
- We out?
Where we going to?
- I got a surprise for you.
- 'Cause I got a surprise for you.
You ready?
- After you.
- Look what's in the building!
Okay!
This is what my surprise is.
- Oh.
Cheers.
- No (beep) cheers.
You know I was watching you the whole time, right?
- The whole, whole-- - The whole, whole time
I was watching you.
You was twerking with her?
(William sighs)
- Take a seat.
- Ah, man.
- [Vena] So right now she's tight.
She's upset. - Yeah, she a little tight.
- Yeah. - Look at her face.
Look what you've done, Willy.
- I was just being friendly.
- Too friendly.
- You told me to open up, be jokeful, you know what I mean?
- With me!
With me.
- It was practice.
It was practice for you.
- Mmm, all right.
- I got you, I got you.
'Cause you need somebody to do something for you
for a change.
- Now, we bout to get into
if we smashin' or are we dashin' you.
- With you?
- [All] No.
- Oh, oh. - Willy.
The hell wrong with you, man?
(Vena laughs) - Just clarifying.
I'm just clarifying.
Just clarifying.
- I would say dash.
You ain't interested, bruh. (tires screeching)
You out here tryna come up, man.
- You lied, you're not adventurous, so with you the show is,
to me, called, Dash or Dash.
- [Vena] Mmm! (tires screeching)
- Sorry, babe.
- You know what, Willy?
- Come on, big dog.
- You know what I'ma do?
- Talk to me, talk to me. - The same thing they did.
Dash.
You're terrible. (tires screeching)
You're making it bad for men everywhere.
- Definitely-- - Smash.
- Willy!
- Shiry, girl,
you gotta dash his ass. (tires screeching)
- I think we can all agree
that this is a dash situation.
Shiry?
- [William] She ain't going nowhere.
- Well, there you have it, folks!
Make sure you tune in next time
on Smash...
- [All] Or Dash!
- From Wet Willy and all of us, we out!
- [Karlous] You are despicable, Willy.
- [Vena] Nasty!
- I made a mistake!
- I'm not doing this.
This is so embarrassing.
Like, I can't.
- I'm young.
I'ma make mistakes.
You know that.
I'ma young man.
But you, as a woman, supposed to pick me up when I fall.
I'm falling right now.
I fell down.
You're not dashing.
There's no dashing going on.
We smashing.
- I'm definitely dashing.