Based on the dark brooding comic
That became a children's cartoon
That became the worst musical tour of all time
Comes a 90's movie that proves the turtles franchise was ridiculous way before Michael Bay got
his hands on it:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze.
The men in creepy rubber turtle suits are back in the hit sequel that held up much better when you were a kid, featuring
Cheesy looking fight sequences,
Outdated 90's references,
Corny freeze frames,
And bad cosplay.
I guess it looks better than ugly CGI...
Ugh!
Your favorite turtles have returned to kick some shell
But this time, due to stupid parent complaints about the first movie, watch as their iconic
weapons stay in their holsters and instead see them fight with
Belts,
Yo-yos,
Ties,
Blankets,
Soft Nerf bats,
Nerf bats,
Sausages,
"Combat cold cuts!"
And words.
"Cant we talk?"
"Shredder, you gotta listen to reason!"
C'mon! Just stab somebody already!
Get ready to hang ten with these four overly-large trained ninjas who are terrible at hiding,
Being silent,
"SHREDDER!"
Or sneaking around.
Oh did they get stuck in a net? Sure would be great if they could use their SWORDS OR SOMETHING!
I mean, c'mon! He's got 'em right there on his back!
What are they doing?
In a world full of cartoon characters and action figures you loved, spend more time with these human characters
you don't, like
Keno, an obnoxious little twerp,
"Dream on, dweeb!"
"But when I do, I'll dream of something a little thinner!"
This boring science guy,
And this complete random lady who calls herself April O'Neil
Did the people who made this even LIKE the cartoon? Where's Krang? Slash? Baxter? So
bogus.
Shredder has returned.
And returned.
And he probably smells like sh*t now,
Watch him strike fear into the hearts of men with his ability to stand and do nothing while
his enemies are right in front of him.
And his lieutenant Tatsu, who...
also stands and does nothing while his enemies are right in front of him.
Together, they'll recruit a city inexplicably filled with martial arts-trained teenage runaways
who vastly outnumber our heroes yet can't ever seem to take out
four slow dudes in huge rubber turtle suits.
Why are they dancing?
Tremble as they battle for control of the secret of the ooze, which is never really
explained now that I mention it
But for some reason it can
Turns turtles into ninja turtles,
Turns flowers into bigger flowers,
And turns BeeBop and Rocksteady into two lame-ass rip offs that no one ever asked for!
"Mama!"
So gear up for a kid's action flick so terrified to show any fun ninja action its climax consists of taking out
the Shredder with a guitar solo.
Taking out the Super Shredder with a bridge collapsing on itself.
And a Vanilla Ice concert.
"Go ninja, go ninja, go!"
When did they have time to coordinate this sh*t?
Stop dancing with Vanilla Ice.
STOP IT.
What are you doing?!
No ninja. No ninja. No!
Starring...
The Blue Ranger
Wreck-It-Raph
Bart Simpson
Nerdatello
Ratniss Neverclean
Surf Ninja
Asian Darth Vader
April's Mom
and Justin Bieber's Dad
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze
So parents were mad about them using their weapons, but totally OK with them advocating
an all-pizza diet?
Pssssh. Hypocrites.