THE CDC IS WARNING PEOPLE NOT TO EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH,
BECAUSE IT MAY CONTAIN GERMS THAT CAUSE SEVERE DIARRHEA.
BUT ON THE BRING SIDE, YOU CAN EAT COOKIE DOUGH WITHOUT GAINING
WEIGHT. IN AND OUT.
>>> IT WAS REPORTED THAT THE BOY SCOUTS OF AMERICA ARE
CONSIDERING FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY IN THE FACE OF
DECLINING MEMBERSHIP. YEAH, APPARENTLY THERE'S SOME
PROBLEM WITH THEIR BUSINESS MODEL OF HOPING PARENTS WILL PAY
ADULT STRANGERS TO TAKE THEIR CHILDREN DEEP INTO THE WOODS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >>> THE OCCASION OF SEX
ISLAND -- TERRIBLE TRANSITION. DIDN'T KNOW THAT WOULD BE BACK
TO BACK. THAT'S NOT A WEIRD BASH TO GET.
THE LOCATION OF SEX ISLAND, WHICH IS A FOUR-DAY DRUG FUELED
EVENT FEATURING PROSTITUTES AT AN EXCLUSIVE RESORT IS VEALED TO
BE AN ISLAND OFF THE COAST OF TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO, THIS
ACCORDING TO THE PLANE TICKET I SAW IN CHE'S HANDS.
>> SEE YOU THERE!
>>> FIREFIGHTERS IN TEXAS SAVED MORE THAN 100 SNAKES, INCLUDING
PYTHONS AND BOA CONSTRICTORS FROM A BURNING HOME, SAID THE
HOMEOWNER, COOL, SO WHERE IS MY WIFE?
>>> IT WAS ANNOUNCED THE BROADWAY MUSICAL ""AVENUE Q"
ABOUT RAUNCHY PUPPETS WILL CLOSE IN THE SPRING AFTER 15 YEARS.
BUT IF YOU STILL WANT TO SEE RAUNCHY PUPPETS, JUST HEAD TO
TIMES SQUARE AND WATCH ELMO KICK A PIGEON.
>>> A NEW STUDY FINDS FROGS ARE CALLING FEMALES BUT ANOTHER
STUDY SAYS, BE SHOPPING. >>> SO WE'RE DOING SOMETHING
DIFFERENT THIS YEAR READING JOKES.
>> THE OTHER PERSON IS GOING TO MAKE THE OTHER PERSON READ A
JOKE ON THE AIR THAT HE'S NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> DO YOU WANT ME TO GO FIRST?
>> YES, I DO. >> OKAY.
>> A CHURCH IN MASSACHUSETTS CREATED A NATIVITY SCENE THAT
COMMENTS ON THE IMMIGRATION DEBATE BY PLACING THE BABY JESUS
IN A CAGE. WHERE HE BELONGS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >>> A NEW STUDY SHOWS THE
AVERAGE AMERICAN TOUCHES THEIR MOBILE DEVICE MORE THAN 2,000
TIMES A DAY. ONLY 2,000 TIMES, SAID MY PENIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY.
>> NIGERIA'S PRESIDENT MOHAMMED BUHARI DENIED FOR MONTHS HE HAD
BEEN REPLACED BY A LOOK-ALIKE FROM SUDAN.
SEE, AFRICANS CAN'T TELL BLACK PEOPLE --
[ LAUGHTER ] >>> A NEW REPORT SHOWS HURRICANE
FLORENCE WAS THE WETTEST HURRICANE IN HISTORY, THE
PREVIOUS FOR WETNESS WAS SET ON THE OPENING NIGHT OF "MAGIC
MIKE." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THIS IS ON CARDS. I WANT TO SWITCH IT UP A LITTLE.
CHE DIDN'T WRITE THIS ONE. THIS IS ALL ME.