(cards flipping)
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- How do you think I describe you to others?
Interesting. - Dramatic.
- That's true.
- You've been using that word a lot
which is kind of annoying.
- But dramatic doesn't have to be a negative thing.
- Okay, here's my thing,
just because my normal is beyond your ordinary
doesn't mean I'm dramatic. - That's true, that's true.
- Maybe I think you're too plain Jane.
- But why is plain sort of a negative connotation?
- It's not, I love basic.
Listen, I love basic. - I'm not basic.
- But you're actually not--
- I actually am pretty basic.
- When I look at you,
you don't look basic right now.
- Actually I was thinking about that today.
- [Amit] What do you think I describe you as?
I'm asking you the question.
- Oh, he's always in his own world.
I feel like you would say something like that.
- I wouldn't say that.
I would say, I literally say that
you take up more than you can handle in your head
and then you start forgetting things
and I have to keep in check.
- So you just throw a positive twist on it.
- It has to be, right,
because you're also hardworking.
Like you do work a lot
and the fact that you work so much
that you start missing out on stuff
because you have overcommitted
because you don't want to say no to anyone.
That's the problem.
- I think I stopped overcommitting though.
- Yes, thanks to me, I will take that.
- I think I've just kind of slowed down.
- In a good way, I hope, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- When do you feel closest to me?
- The times when your phone is not around
and when we--
- This is gonna come back,
you know that right?
- Well, it's just the truth,
when your phone's not around and
when we're not worried about something.
I think when our minds are emotionally just like drained--
- So not the last one year
but before that?
Because the last one year has been emotionally draining.
- I think I can just tell when you want me there
to have that moment
and when your phone doesn't even need to be around.
That's what you think too?
- Oh, are you asking me?
- Oh, I don't know, since we're asking each other.
- I think I feel closest to you
when you actually come to bed at the same time I go to sleep
and not stay awake till four a.m. in the morning
because it doesn't feel like I matter to you.
It feels like we're roommates
when you don't come to bed at the same time.
- How do you think we have changed the most
since getting married?
- Oh, okay.
I really genuinely think we argue less.
Bigger things, I think we do argue
but I think we kind of come to a conclusion
where we both kind of agree on one thing
or agree to disagree.
So I think the argument factor has gone down.
- Do you think,
because this is how I look at things,
I don't mind arguing
but I don't want that argument
to carry on for the rest of the day,
meaning I don't want to be in a bad mood?
Like I'm selfish because I'm like
I don't want to be in a bad mood
but I kind of want to make my point
and I don't mind debating it
but then I don't want to walk away from that debate thinking
for the rest of the day being like,
shit, I have to like, get my brain back together.
- But when have you ever thought of that,
like I'm saying since we got married,
more than an hour that argument has lasted?
I don't even remember since we got married
like when we have ever argued
and we have done that the whole day
or not talked to each other the whole day.
- I do.
- I don't remember that.
- Yeah, I do.
- When do you remember that?
When was the time?
- On the cruise.
- On the cruise, you know that was different, right?
- Yeah but that's two days,
that was two days.
Those two days on vacation.
- But you know what happened.
- But I know, I'm just saying.
- Yeah, well that was opposing territory.
How were you raised differently
and how do you think it's affecting our relationship?
Oh man.
- Honestly, the only thing that's affected us is like
I come from a family
of like literally doing chores every day.
- Thank God you said it.
That's so annoying.
- I don't want to generalize
but in India, most people don't do their own chores.
Some people--
- Let me correct you,
my mother in the last 60 years
still doesn't have a maid.
She did every single thing by herself.
She went to work job nine to six,
came back, cooked.
- But most other people,
even the ones that don't have a lot of money,
have some type of service.
- Because it's affordable.
- It's affordable.
Service is affordable.
So they could afford whatever.
- But you have to look at it this way, right?
Dishes for you here is super simple.
You turn on the tap
and then you adjust the temperature
so it's warm enough for your hands.
In India, we don't have internal heating
coming from middle gas,
so you're plunging your hand in ice cold water in winters
and trying to scrub and do.
So even the basic task of doing dishes is a torture.
So that's the reason.
- So I think that that's completely--
- I think yes.
So being the single kid,
my mom taught me how to clean and cook.
I could do that to survive
but I wouldn't do that as an every day thing
because that's not a thing for me.
Now it is, I do it,
but your family is, your mom is really clean
and she's super hands on,
she really wants everything spotless and you're the same.
So I think that affects our relationship
because I feel that pressure every time everyone's home
like I have to do something,
I have to clean something.
But cleaning the house shouldn't be
like a 24/7.
- I think it should be a 24/7 thing.
- I think that's a problem.
- No, no, no, I think you should be conscious about it.
I think if you do a little bit every day,
it's a lot easier
than to like wait until you have that perfect Sunday
and do everything, which is kind of difficult,
and also honestly no one wants to do that
because they want to chill.
I think the best things I've learned from my mom
is how to manage time.
- Your mom?
- Yeah, to make things in,
like to make things in bulk and then freeze certain things
or if someone comes over,
within 15 minutes,
she could pull out the works.
- We can't do that in India,
we don't have freezers like that.
- No, I understand.
I'm not saying India, I'm saying here.
- I know, I get it.
- So I think those
are the most valuable lessons I've learned
but I don't know, we've gone off on a tangent.
- Actually what you just said, that's so interesting,
because in India, if you serve something to someone
which is already made
and even a day old,
they take it as offense.
- Sure, I can see that.
- So it's a whole cultural thing
where they don't even think it's a smart thing
to freeze it and reuse it,
they'd literally be offended
that you fed them something
which you have made days before.
- But also there's a, yeah, I get that,
and I get that in everything is like fresh--
- You have to,
you have to cook it right then and there.
- You don't even cook it right then and there.
You get the actual groceries right then and there
- Every single day, yeah,
you have to get it every single day.
- It's very different
because most people in America like eat really bad food
that's been frozen or preserved.
- No, but I think what we do cooking in bulk
is a very smart thing to do, it saves time,
100% agree on that
but it's just not a thing.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- When have you seen me the most vulnerable
and what have you learned from it?
Vulnerable, what have you learned from it?
- Without going into details,
I think the huge fight we had
in the beginning of our relationship,
which was quite hectic and draining,
that is the only time
which has been stretched for days and days,
I think that was the most vulnerable
because it looked like you had something to lose
and because you're usually in control.
Yeah you are, usually you're in control.
It's never like, I think that was one of the things.
I'm not going to go into details of it.
I don't want to.
And the second thing is when you came out to your mom
because you really wanted to see,
you really wanted your mom to be okay with us
and I think that was until she put her hand on you and said,
"It's going to be okay",
I think that was when, I didn't see you,
but what I heard from you
I think that would have been
one of the most vulnerable times.
- And what have you learned from it?
- What have I learned from it?
I never want to see you in that situation again
because it just like the image I have of you
is like you kind of take care of me.
I would take care of you, I would step up,
like you saw in recent things what you thought--
- I feel like you take care of me.
- I'll take it, I'll take that, I'll take that.
I don't see that but yeah, I'll take that.
Yeah I definitely take care of you
but I never want to see you in that situation
because I think that puts me to work,
like what just happened in my family,
I thought I will be a hot mess but I was not.
And I want to be a hot mess,
I just don't want to be in a situation
where I have to step and do the work thing.
Not because I don't want to work,
because I don't think I can handle it for too long.
So I think I just don't like it when you are vulnerable
because that's not the image that you have portrayed.
- Portrayed, I mean I am a vulnerable person.
- Yeah, yes I know, but you're not like crying
at the drop of a hat
like oh, this happened in my life,
that happened in my life,
you're never complaining about stuff like that.
- Well usually it's about the most important things
I'm probably least vulnerable
because I'm like trying to use my brain a lot more
and then keep my heart in control.
- That's what happened to me, right?
So I think those were the two times
I thought you were most vulnerable.
- Interesting, okay.
- Oh wow.
- Read it.
- If this were to be our last conversation
- Oh God.
- What's something you never want me to forget?
- You know what, I'll be honest, like
I feel like whenever I feel
like I want to tell you something
I just tell you.
So there's nothing I don't,
there's no last words,
you know how I feel and
like I always want to be at that state
where I don't have anything to say.
I don't have anything that no regrets,
I didn't not tell you something.
I tell you every day when I miss you
and I tell you every day when I love you.
- You do.
You've been very vocal these days, I like that.
What does my love feel like?
- Sometimes loud because it's always yelling,
don't do this, don't do that.
I think our love feels raw
because it's like not the cookie cutter
like perfect story
and also it's different every day
because it's very moody
and I think that's great because that's just life.
- No, I agree.
So that's it.
What does my love feel like?
- Calming.
- What?
- Yeah because you're always doing stuff like that,
oh you want to watch Netflix?
Here's food, here's a drink.
I think my love
should be consuming-- - That's different between
mommy and daddy.
Daddy is all about the car insurance bills and the taxes.
Mom is like what do you want to eat?
- Daddy's also like don't lose your passport,
dot lose your wallet three times,
don't lose your driver license three times a year.
There you go, so I think I agree on that.
It's nice, it's working.
- How do you love me?
Interesting.
- How do I love you?
Actually I get that question.
- I don't get it.
- I don't love you like
oh come here, let me cuddle with you,
let me do the whole rom-com cheesy dance in the living room
to the Bollywood music-- - But I like dancing
in the living room.
- Well I don't and I'm telling my perspective.
I love you as in I tell you every single day
don't F-ing text and drive,
don't talk on the phone and drive.
I want you alive
so I can love you.
I don't want you dead.
It doesn't matter how much I cuddle with you
if you're gone.
So the responsibility is
don't stop your car after the stop line,
stop it behind.
Did you eat today?
Did you lock the door?
Is the gas off so the house doesn't blow up?
That's how I love you.
My basic instinct is keeping a person alive.
- I think I have the same kind.
- No you don't.
You complain when I don't do all the cheesy stuff.
- No, I stay up at night and make you food
because I'm going the next day have other things to do
and I have to pack it for you
and I don't want you to be eating out.
- I still eat out
because I eat your food
and I eat the other stuff too.
But yeah, no, I get it.
I didn't think of that.
- So you're like the dad and I'm like the mom
in the most stereotypical way possible.
- We are, we are.
- Yeah, well I'm fine with that.
That's it.
- This was nice.
- Thank you.
(laughing)
- I can't.
- Hi everyone, thank you so much for watching this video.
If you want to explore your relationship,
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Thank you so much.