So I think we can agree on something here that the more you care about
something, the more you have a sense of empathy in connection with other
people's feelings, the more you can really just sense like the energy around
you and the energy with other people, the more painful bad things can be right. I
think it makes sense to me at least so if you're an ENFP or you're an INFP
you're an NF, you're very tied in with other people with their emotions and
feelings we tend to really care right, which has a lot of really positive
benefits it also has a big negative and it's that we tend to be avoiders we tend
to like if there's something in front of us that like a difficult conversation
maybe quitting a job or I need a relationship or just like asking or a
roommate to clean up will tend to avoid that because that situation can be a
little more difficult for us perhaps than it is for other people now
something that plays in with this avoidance is escapism and escapism is
our desire to you know leave difficult feelings and that could be an ongoing
feeling you know if you have a job you really don't like or you're in a bad
relationship where you just want to escape all of that or it could be
escaping sort of in the moment right you have to make a difficult call you you
check your phone you saw that your landlord called you have to call them
and be like I don't have any money and you're looking at your phone and the
right thing to do is just call them but suddenly you're like I could play some
games on my phone instead I could maybe you know go watch a Netflix show do
something else see what happens and this isn't good as you might imagine because
usually the things that we are avoiding aren't actually that hard to do and when
we do them 99% of the time they were easier than we
thought they would be because in our mind they blow up they become this big
terrible thing in real life not that big of a deal right but it's a BISM can then
become a really big problem now escapism in general is built into just about
every industry in life social media built on escapism movies videogames
escapism we want to be somewhere else we want to forget our current state of
emotions right alcohol drugs arguably smoking escapism right a way to feel
better regardless of what's going on in your life right life is going really bad
you play video game you feel a bit better life is going amazing you play a
video game you feel a bit worse you sort of neutralized in that escapism area
this isn't a terrible thing though I remember when I was in my mid-20s
maybe later 20s forget exactly when and I had a business failure and it was
quite a rough time for me but there was a light at the end of the tunnel I was
going you know I had to handle some things but they were being handled and I
knew I was just gonna have a lot of stress for like a month and I remember
meeting up with my dad and he gave me a gift certificate to the liquor store now
you could argue that drinking away your problems is probably not a good life
choice right but the way I thought of it at the time is I'm under a tremendous
amount of stress this isn't very healthy and there's a light at the end of the
tunnel I'm not drinking because I want to avoid a job I'm going to every day or
I'm not drinking because there's a relationship I'm in that I hate it's
like this is gonna be a tough couple of weeks let's you know have some wine at
the end of the night or the middle of the morning whatever and that's going to
make the whole thing you know easier and sometimes I think that's good if you're
getting open-heart surgery you want to escape that pain right do you want to
take some medicine and get out of that cool so I'm not against movies I love
going to movies I love playing xbox I like some level of escapism problem
comes when that takes over like the majority of your life or I would argue
more than an hour or two a day of your life especially if you're you know
trying to do something significant here this pulling away from whatever is
difficult not only does it stop you from doing that difficult thing but usually
we don't then move to the next item on our to-do list
right so if you're an entrepreneur you have to do list of ten things and one of
them is like fire Bob right poor Bob he's always my example so you want a
fire Bob but you hate firing people so you don't
you know want to do it you're trying to avoid it and so you look at your list
you like got a fire Bob it's the most important thing to do today I don't want
to fire Bob you know maybe I'll just I'm gonna check like Facebook quickly
you know maybe there's a message from that client or you know let's check my
email quickly so you escape out of the pain of having to have a really
difficult conversation with someone and you go and just do totally nothing like
play a video game or you know do whatever you usually don't say okay I
don't want to call Bob but let's go and do the next nine things on my to-do list
be really productive today and then at the end of the day maybe I'll call Bob
for whatever reason that's not how we're wired so when you have these parts of
your life that you're trying to avoid and then you you know escape to it ends
up having this huge snowball this huge snowball effect on your life where
you're just like avoiding everything and basically an entire day will go to waste
because you're trying to avoid like one thing that would take you five minutes
if you just actually went it did it fortunately there are some solutions to
this now I'm filming this as part of a series I'll do a couple other videos on
this on breaking addictions to like phone and Netflix and this sort of thing
and creating an empowering environment these all tie in with escapism and
avoidance so definitely check those out I'll make sure they're linked up here
another thing you can do is these activities you tend to avoid like yes I
would like to tell you meditate deeply overcome all your fears become Superman
overnight and just do those things unfortunately via a YouTube video I may
not have that ability if we were sitting face-to-face doing coaching for a few
hours probably work on that right so I don't know if you can just overcome all
that right now you definitely can over time in life you know get more
comfortable having confrontation learn how to fire people you know learn how to
make difficult phone calls or organize your inbox or whatever it is
but a better solution is probably finding ways to eliminate those
activities from your life if you know every time you need to I don't know
organize your calendar you procrastinate it all day maybe you should hire someone
to help you organize your calendar or just decide I'm never gonna have an
organized calendar which would be a disaster you shouldn't do that if you
hate you know sales calls but in your business you're trying to phone people
up and make sales take notes of that right every time you procrastinate you
feel bad you avoid that behavior write it down somewhere and go back to that
list and see like damn I've wasted weeks of time avoiding this I need to make a
change and that change could be hire someone to help you get really good at
sales like a trainer could be hire someone to do sales for you it could be
finding a new business model where you don't do sales so you just don't have to
do it basically doing anything except continuing to do the activity to avoid
will be better okay does that make sense so keep a list of all the activities
that you avoid and reflect back on that like how can you eliminate them how can
you delegate them how can you outsource them and do that every so often every
couple months and you'll find that once you get rid of those activities and I'm
speaking from someone who's basically done this guy very little things my
business I don't like or love doing it's so awesome like you have nothing you
procrastinate and you just get things done and it's awesome so I really
encourage you to do that check out the links to these other two videos one on
creating a really empowering environment and the other one on breaking those
addictions if you have been escaping to something like let's say video games or
you know heroine and your have that habit now you need to break that habit
before you can then sort of work on the whole escapism thing and kind of deal
with both at the same time as well but breaking that habits really important
check out those videos if you haven't already I'd encourage you to subscribe
to the channel get more of me we can become closer
friend catching the next one have an awesome day