- Uh...
attention ladies and gentlemen,
this is your pilot speakin'.
Uh...
we're approachin' 30,000 feet.
Uh...
thought I'd do a little rap for ya up here.
Get ready for it.
Uh...
♫ Whine about it
♫ Whine about it ♫
Hey everyone! My name is Matt Bellassai
and this is Whine About It, a weekly video series
where I get drunk at my desk and complain about stuff.
On this week's episode,
the worst types of people who take airplanes with me.
I know, everyone's got their airplane stories, alright?
But this is my struggle.
(dramatic music)
Let's drink!
(bossa nova music)
(coughs)
She's a sour one.
(bossa nova music)
Oh god.
Alright.
First of all, there's always that one bloated genital wart
who thinks it's acceptable to recline their (bleep) seat
10 seconds into every (bleep) flight.
Fitting me into an airplane seat
is like tryin' to fit a walrus
into one of them paddle boats.
It's difficult enough.
Then you gotta come in and make it worse
by pushing your seat all the way back!
For what?
For an extra little two inches of comfort.
That's all you get.
I should've figured.
'Cause any person who reclines their seat on an airplane
is exactly the kind of person who deserves joy
from two inches of comfort.
You get it?
You get it? Like penis.
Then there's those people who get on an airplane
and try to fight me over my (bleep) armrest!
Oh excuse me, sir!
I didn't choose to sit next to your
heaping mound of an existence.
Fate brought us together.
But so help me God,
I will use my two moisturized elbows
and I'll jab you right in the windpipe.
The last time I checked,
we were both on a flight to Acapulco.
We weren't on a flight to WWE ElbowMania,
but I'll turn it into that if it gets to that point sir!
Because I have two elbows right here.
I'm not afraid to use them.
Next.
People who bring food from home.
You think I wouldn't bring my Cornish game hens
from home if I could?
I'd eat the hell out of those Cornish game hens.
I'd finish before the plane even took off.
That's how good my Cornish game hens are.
They're so good. But I'm not a monster!
You on the other hand had the (bleep) nerve
to bring a plastic baggie full of cream of shrimp soup!
You're just suckin' it up with a straw,
right in your little plane seat.
An airplane is not the dumpster behind a Burger King.
I know that that's what you're used to
because you're a piece of garbage.
You can't just eat whatever you want.
You know, you can't just have it your way.
You can eat your cream of shrimp soup in the gutter,
like God intended.
Then there's always that person
who thinks it's fun to complain it out.
Airport security, like they're some kind of
special snowflake and everybody else
doesn't have to do everything that they gotta do.
You're not special just 'cause you have
buy one, get one, free shoes from Payless
that you don't wanna take off your (bleep) feet.
We're all here doing the same thing sir!
So take off your (bleep) shoes,
pull out your (bleep) laptop,
and get in (bleep) line!
You sniveling ass weasel!
That's what I say.
Next.
There's all those people who know
they should check their bags
but like still try to sneak it onto the airplanes,
even though it's too big.
You think this plane is just gonna be magically big enough
to fit all your (bleep) shit?
I didn't squeeze all my lotions
into tiny little bottles 'cause it's fun!
I did it 'cause them's the rules.
So that why don't you just put your luggages
into their little luggages rollercoaster,
like everybody else
and get on the (bleep) plane
and shut your (bleep) mouth.
Next,
there's all those people who try to judge you
for gettin' drunk on the airplane.
What!?
A grown man can't enjoy a nice adult beverage?
While he's soaring through the sky
like a majestic falcon?
Flying in unnatural and if you're gonna stick me
in a metal tube and launch me through the (bleep) sky,
I'm gonna need a (bleep) drink.
Okay?
Then there's those people
who take a big old shit,
right in the airplane.
You're just poopin' into a little plane bucket
that we have to carry with us
to all the way to where we're goin'.
We just have to fly with your poop.
You turned this plane into a flying outhouse.
It's like that scene from that movie
where Dorothy flies her house to the Wizard,
except with way more poop.
Then finally, there's always those people
who look perfect everytime they get off an airplane.
(Bleep) you and your perfect airplane hair,
you piece of shit.
Everybody should get off an airplane,
look like they just survived a fist fight
with a swamp monster in the middle of a hurricane.
That's what I look like.
Alright everybody.
Thank you for watching this week.
As always, you can find our videos every week
on whineaboutit.tumblr.com.
My page which is facebook.com/buzzfeedmatt
and find all our videos on
youtube.com/buzzfeedvideo
if you want.
And that's it. That's everythin'.
That's all of it. ♫ Whine about it
♫ Whine about it
♫ Whine about it ♫
Oh god.
Oh! I don't know how to take my shoes off!
Uh! I spent $30 at Payless
and I don't want to take off my shoes!
So what if they get dirty?
Just take off your (bleep) shoes.
I'm sick of it.