>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK.
WE'RE HERE WITH THE LOVELY AND TALENTED CONAN O'BRIEN.
YOU IS HAVE GONE TO SEVEN COUNTRIES IN LAST TWO YEARS.
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: YOU WENT TO CUBA.
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: ARMENNIA.
QATAR, SOUTH KOREA, GERMANY, MEXICO, AND MOST RECENTLY YOU
WENT TO ISRAEL.
>> YUP, YUP.
>> Stephen: INCREDIBLE TRIP.
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: I LOVE FOLLOWING IT, AND YOU POSTED IT ON
TWITTER, TOO.
WHAT DID YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT GOING TO ISRAEL?
BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS A FANTASTIC IDEA, YOU GO TO BE A
COMMON FOOL, YOU KNOW, FOR-- FOR TWO PEOPLE WHO DONT TALK TO EACH
OTHER OTHER LIKE THE PALESTINIANS AND ISRAELIS.
YOU'RE THE COMMON ELEMENT AND THEY BOTH THINK YOU'RE
RIDICULOUS, I IMAGINE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> THAT'S NOT THE WAY I WOULD HAVE PUT IT, BUT YES.
>> Stephen: I MEANT THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.
>> I KNOW.
I-- I LOVE-- MY GREATEST JOY IS TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH THAT
DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH, DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.
I LOVE THAT.
I LOVE GOING TO THESE OTHER COUNTRIES.
AND THIS IDEA STARTED VERY NATURALLY WHEN WE WENT TO CUBA
AND THEN IT SORT OF TOOK OFF FROM THERE.
IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF QUASI-DIPLOMACY THROUGH COMEDY.
I LIKE TO SHOW THAT AMERICANS ARE CURIOUS.
WE'RE HUMBLE.
WE'RE OKAY TO LOOK RIDICULOUS.
IT'S OKAY IF YOU LAUGH AT US.
BECAUSE -- >> Stephen: EVERY TIME I SEE
YOU DOING ONE OF THESE, I THINK, "OH, DAMN IT, THAT WAS SUCH A
GREAT IDEA" I FEEL LIKE YOU'VE STOLEN SOMETHING GREAT FROM THE
REST OF US.
>> YES, MORE OR LESS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: REALLY, HONESTLY.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT WAS NICE IS THAT IT'S-- IT'S SOMETHING THAT
HAS ENERGIZED ME THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS.
IT'S GIVEN ME-- SINCE WE STARTED DOING IT, I LOVE IT SO MUCH,
THAT IT GIVES ME, YOU KNOW, SOMEONE WHO GETS TO MY POINT
WITH ONE OF THESE SHOWS MIGHT THINK IT'S TIME TO GO JOIN THE
HORSE AT THE EQUINE MASSAGE SCHOOL.
>> Stephen: SOUNDS GOOD.
>> I HAVE ALL OF THIS ENERGY NOW, BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY LOVE
DOING IT, AND THEY LET US GO ANYWHERE.
WHEN I SHOW UP WITH A CAMERA CREW, THEY LET US INTO PLACES
THAT NORMALLY THEY WOULDN'T LET OTHER PEOPLE --
>> Stephen: YOU WERE IN THE HOLY LAND.
>> WE WERE IN THE HOLY LAND -- >> Stephen: ROMAN CATHOLIC.
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE?
DID YOU GO TO THE VIA DEL LA ROALSA.
>> WE ASKED, IS IT OKAY IF WE SEE THE CHURCH OF THE NATIVITY?
AND THEY SAID YES.
THE CHURCH OF THE NATIVITY, THIS IS WHERE THEY SAY THAT CHRIST
WAS BORN ON THIS SPOT.
>> Stephen: THE MANGER?
>> THEY SAY THE MANGER IS DOWN THERE.
AND THEY SAID, "COME ON IN.
YOU CAN COME IN, AND YOU CAN COME DOWN WITH YOUR CAMERA CREW
AND WITH YOUR SOUND OPERATOR.
YOU CAN COME DOWN AND SHOOT THIS FOR YOUR SHOW.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
WE KNOW YOU HAVE COME TO ISRAEL ON THIS MISSION OF PEACE.
COME ON DOWN."
WE START GOING DOWN LONG, WINDING STEPS-- BEAUTIFUL,
AMAZING CHURCH, AND THEN IT GETS CLAUSTROPHOBIC, INTO THE GROUND,
SPIRALG.
I HAVE A CAMERAMAN WITH A BIG CAMERA.
I HAVE A SOUND GUY WHO HAS A GIANT MACHINE STRAPPED TO HIS
CHEST WITH SOUND DIALS AND HE HAS A LONG BOOM MICROPHONE.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE ONE.
IT'S LIKE SIX FEET LONG-- I'LL BUY YOU ONE.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S GOT, LIKE, A BIG FLUFFY MIC
AT THE END, AND THAT'S HOW HE GETS THE SOUND.
WE'RE GOING DOWN THE STEPS, AND I'M NOIG THE THING SWINGING
AROUND KIND OF WILDLY.
AND WE GET DOWN TO THE BOTTOM.
AND THEY SAY, "THIS IS, THIS IS THE SITE WHERE CHRIST WAS BORN."
AND IT'S VERY POWERFUL.
THEY'RE SHOWING YOU, "THIS IS WHERE CHRIST WAS BORN."
AND MY SOUND GUY IS STRUGGLING WITH HIS BIG, LONG STICK.
AND I DON'T WANT TO SELL HIM OUT AND GIVE HIS NAME OR ANYTHING
BUT IT'S JASON MIEWN YEZ.
HIS GOD NUMBER IS 21445.
HE'S DOING THE BEST HE CAN.
AND THEY SAY, "THIS IS WHERE CHRIST WAS BORN."
AND THEY HAVE ANOTHER STAR ABOUT FIVE FEET AWAY AND THEY SAY,
"THIS IS WHERE HE WAS LAID IN THE MANGER.
THEY SAY THIS IS WHERE CHRIST WAS BORN, AND I SEE JASON SWING
AROUND WITH THE BOOM, HIT AN 800-YEAR-OLD LAMP, HOT OIL OFF
THE CANDLES.
DOWN ON JASON, SOME GOT ON THE PRIEST, HE WAS FINE.
AND THE THING IS EEK-EEK.
AND THE GUY IS SAYING, OVER HERE IS WHERE-- "THREE STOOGES"
SKETCH, WHAM!
BANG!
I'M SURE SOMEWHERE CHRIST IS LIKE, "GET HIM OUT OF THERE!
GET HIM OUT!
GET HIM!
>> Stephen: SOMEWHERE?
CHRIST IS SOMEWHERE SAYING THAT?
HE'S EVERYWHERE SAYING THAT.
>> HE'S SOME PLACE SPECIFIC IN MY MIND.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT THEORIES ABOUT WHERE CHRIST MAY
BE EXACTLY, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: WELL, I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T DESTROY THE CHURCH OF THE
NATIVITY.
GOT OUT OF THERE.
>> I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT.
>> Stephen: NOBODY MEANS TO.
>> I I AM TELLING-- ( LAUGHTER )
I AM TELLING YOU, I AM TELLING ALL COUNTRIES THAT MIGHT SEE
THIS, LET US IN.
LET ME IN.
DON'T LET THE SOUND GUY IN.
THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK.
I'M SORRY, BUT WE DO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE CONAN O'BRIEN, DON'T GO