*"Papa Roach - Last Resort" playing*
We open on waves peacefully crashing
Jon-o is like: "where 'em bloody dragons?"
Tyrion is thinking: "There's the cheeky bastard I know and love"
"A shitster"
"Hey you down, you're doing well? You're alright?"
The Dothraki offer a valet service
Davos wonders if he has to tip
He then chats up Missandei and she does the old
"I have a boyfriend" face
Davos says: "I reckon I'm in"
Drogon makes everyone shit themselves and then yells out: "It's just a prank, bro!"
Varys enjoys trash-talking so much
He climbed a cliff to trash-talk Melisandre
Dany and Jon meet for the first time
And the dick-measuring contest over who's the best commences
Dany has no worries when it comes to talking herself up
Jon-o fucking stinks at talking about his resume
Ser Davos has to jump in
He's like: "This bloke is a fucking legend"
"He used to drop truth bombs on Stanno, he befriended refugees"
"He bashes up bullies, and he came back from the dea- oh, never mind"
Varys checks his e-mails and found one with the subject line:
"Euron Greyjoy fucked your shit up"
The dick-measuring contest with Jon-o is rescheduled
Neither of them will bend a fucking knee to the other just yet
Theon gets rescued
He's like: "I reckon I killed 50 guys"
"We all know that's utter bullshit"
Euron has a bucket-load of new fans
I reckon his Twitter account is gonna blow up
He delivers Ellaria and Tyene to Cersei
She jizzes in her pants
He wants to know for sure if she'll marry him
She says: "Yes, and you've genuinely turned me on right now"
Down in Cersei's chamber of torture
She kills Tyene the same way Ellaria killed Myrcella
She wipes poison of her lips
Tells Ellaria she has to stay down here forever to watch her daughter rot
And rendez-vous with Jaime to give him a gobby
They're a happy family, again
Cersei then has a big business meeting, and manages to keep the Iron Bank on team Lannister
Jon-o is like: "Where did those Dothraki wankers park my fucking boat?"
Tyrion informs him that ser Davos never tipped them, so they probably hid it
Due to the inconvenience, he gives Jon-o some store credits
to spend at Dragonstone
Terms and conditions apply
Tyrion tells Dany that Jon wants to spend all of his new coupons on dragon glass
Jon stalks her and says: "Can I spend my fucking coupons on dragon glass, or what?"
She eventually says: "Fine, if it chats you up, you can have all the dragon glass available"
"I'll even get the Dothraki to help you mine it"
"If ser Davor tips them"
Sansa wants to order pizza for everyone and give them warmer clothes
Fuck yes Sansa, fuck yes
Littlefinger tells her to keep an eye on all of her friends and enemies
She's like: "Why are you still here, though?"
She then reunites with Bran-o
Big hugs!
He's like: "Roffle Mayo, I remember that time you got raped by Ramsey"
"I saw that!"
Sambo's scab-picking and ointment has worked a treat on Jorah
so he's ready to hit the road again
Wormsy and the gang manage to take Casterly Rock
But it was a fucking trap
The Lannister army is actually being used to take Highgarden
Jaime lets Lady Olenna have a painless death by poison
She's like: "Fuck yes, cheers mate!"
She sculls it as fast as former Ozzy Prime Minister Bob Hawke at the bloody cricket
*Cheers in background*
"Oh by the way, it was me who killed Joffrey"
"Roffle Mayo (roflmao) can't get mad"
"I'm already dying"
"He he he"
*"Marvin Gaye - Mercy Mercy Me" playing*
Yeah that's it
I reckon everyone should just let Cersei be in charged
Give her a fair go
Pack it up, go home, call it a day
Why would you want to fuck with her?
This one wins Scene of the Week for me
Not because I'm a twister dickhead
BUT I liked to be reminded that overthrowing Cersei will not be easy
Nor should it be
She's had a long character journey, just like everyone else
Any episode where Lena Heady gets a decent whack of screen time
is always gonna be a winner
I loved this meeting with the Iron Bank feller as well
To have such a normal institution like a bank
dictate what can happen in a world of dragons and magic
is fucking gold
We get reminded that money wins wars
Of course this scene at the end with Olenna Tyrell was a ripper
Is Jaime gonna tell Cersei that Tyrion didn't kill Joffrey?
Would she care for the truth?
Could she deviate from following the precise footsteps and fate of her father by forgiving Tyrion?
Enticing back over to their side
This is a fascinating episode for the good ol' Lannisters
I did enjoy the Dany and Jon scene
I did, I did, I did
I thought the power struggle between them was really well-written
Dany enjoys getting on a high horse and using the Targaryen name to intimidate
And I think Emilia Clarke wants us to always wonder if she'll be a psycho and merciless like her dad
I thought this was gonna turn sour real fast
but she tones it down and always shows a softer side of Dany just in time
Anyway, they'll be enjoying family Christmases together in no time
I like how this scene rhymes with Jon-o's scene as a leader previously too
Old houses had failed to stand by him, and he had to be forgiving yet firm and fair to regain their loyalty
Dany reminds him of how the Starks pledged loyalty to her family
But is she gonna be as cool as Jon-o when it comes to regaining someone's loyalty?
Yeah
Yep, it looks like it
Seeing a bit of leadership from Sansa was awesome
Her reunion with Bran-o was solid
You can't help but worry about young Bran though
He lives in a lot of different time zones these days
It's a bit annoying all of Tyrion's strategies and plans went to complete shit
But I guess he is up against his own family
So, maybe it's harder than he thought
Team Khaleesi got their asses absolutely handed to them
This episode is called "The Queen's Justice"
I'd say it's about how justice is interpreted and delivered
Cersei delivers her form of justice to Ellaria for killing her daughter
Which Ellaria thought was justified because of Oberyn's death
Cersei also takes down house Tyrell for rebelling against the crown
Olenna's admission in being part of Joffrey's death is a reminder that she not only rebelled against the crown
She took justice into her own hands to eradicate a shit king
Dany has to contemplate if it was just of house Stark to turn on her father
Sansa wants to make sure there's just rewards in the form of food and warmth
for those who stick with house Stark
And who gotta wonder if Sambo is being punished or rewarded
by getting access to these old scrolls and having to make a backup PDF
And now Bran-o is back in the game
You also gotta wonder if justice will catch up with Cersei and Jaime one day
for pushing him out of a window
or has Cersei become immune to justice, because of power, and money?
The administration of what is just by law, or fair from a personal standpoint
was oozing throughout most of the scenes in this episode
Overall, it's a big fuck yes from me!
See ya next week!
[{Outro Music "Nirvana - Where Did You Sleep Last Night"]