Have you ever admired those successful people who seem to "have it all"?
They're the ones with the best jobs, the nicest spouses, the finest friends and the biggest
bank accounts.
But wait a minute.
A lot of them aren't smarter than you.
They're not more educated than you.
They are not even more muscular or better looking.
What it boils down to is their more skillful way of dealing with fellow human beings.
And whether it's landing the job, winning the promotion or charming a new partner, other
people are your greatest resource.
The Internet has been touted as the ultimate tool for bringing people together.
You can have fun with an ever expanding network of "friends" on Facebook.
Still we have to remember that spending hours in front of a screen is a poor substitute
for the full spectrum of experience offered by face to face time with another person.
Today I'll be sharing five techniques from a great book on communication skills: "How
to talk to anyone" by Leil Lowndes.
So let's jump right in.
Technique number one:
THE FLOODING SMILE
You don't want to be walking around with a constant smile on your face.
Great communicators know their smile is one of their most powerful weapons, so they've
fine tuned it for maximum impact.
When their smile does emerge, it has more potency and the world smiles with them.
Don't flash an immediate smile when you greet someone.
Instead, look at the other person's face for a second.
Pause.
Soak in their persona.
Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes.
The split second delay convinces people your smile is genuine and only for them.
Technique number two:
STICKY EYES
To most people in the western culture, profound eye contact signals trust, knowledge and confidence.
The trick here is to pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner.
You don't break contact even after he or she has finished speaking.
And when you must look away, do it ever so slowly and reluctantly.
If you have trouble looking people in the eyes, just look at their eyebrows or their nose.
Exaggerated eye contact can be extremely advantageous, especially between men and women.
In business, even when romance is not in the picture, strong eye contact can pack a powerful
punch between sexes.
Now, gentlemen.
When talking to other men, you too can use sticky syes.
Just make them a little less sticky when discussing personal matters, or your listener might feel
threatened or misunderstand your intentions.
Technique number three:
LIMIT THE FIDGET
Professional communicators consciously suppress any signs anyone could mistake for shiftiness.
They don't massage their arm when it tingles or rub their nose when it itches.
They never put their hands on their faces.
They don't loosen their collar when it's hot, nor do they blink constantly.
They put up with discomfort, because they know fidgeting undermines their credibility.
Consider the infamous presidential debate between Richard Nixon and John Kennedy.
The speculation is that Nixon's fidgeting and rubbing his brow on camera lost him the election.
If you want to come across as entirely credible, try to limit all unnecessary movement when
your communication counts.
Let your nose itch, your ear tingle, and keep your hands away from your face.
If you don't, the listener will likely get a gut feeling you're lying or hiding something,
even though you're not.
Technique number four:
PARROTING
You know in tennis how the ball is going back and forth over the net?
Likewise in conversation, the conversational ball goes back and forth.
First you speak, then your partner speaks, then you speak, and so on.
Now what if the ball lands on your court and it's your turn to speak, but your mind goes blank?
Don't panic, just repeat or "parrot" the last two or three words your companion said, in
a sympathetic, questioning tone.
That throws the conversational ball right back in your partner's court and then all
you need to do is listen.
For example:
"Hey, I went to the theater last night."
"The theater?"
"Yes, it was a great show."
"Great show?"
"Yeah, great music and such a bizarre story ..."
"Bizarre story?"
You can also paddle back, and later in the conversation parrot previous phrases.
"You said it had great music?"
Don't overdo this, though, as it can get extremely annoying for your conversational partner if
they don't have too much to say either.
If they do have too much to say, this is the perfect technique to let them run their mouth.
Technique number five:
WEAR A WHATZIT
Starting a conversation with someone you don't know yet, can be hard.
A Whatzit can help you solve that problem.
What is a Whatzit?
It's something you wear or carry that is unusual.
A strange tie, a unique pin, an interesting purse, or an amusing hat.
It's any object that draws people's attention.
So whenever you go to a gathering, wear something unique to give people an excuse to approach you.
Same goes for when you're the one trying to start a conversation with someone you don't
know yet.
Try to find something interesting the person is wearing that could lead to potential communication.
I once got a T-shirt as a birthday gift.
It was nothing special, but it had a text on it that said: "Girls are mean".
Whenever I wore that shirt to a party, or anywhere else, I got tons of girls commenting
on it, instantly helping me break the ice.
I didn't even have to approach them, they approached me.
"Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your ... what is that?"
Thanks for watching.
These were five great techniques to upgrade your conversation skills today.
Let me know which one was your favorite in the comments down below.
And if you're still hungry for more, make sure to subscribe and watch part two.
Together we will become better than yesterday.