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The fact that you can celebrate New Year’s Eve twice in one night is about as obvious
as the fact that Epstein didn’t kill himself.
It’s all because of time.
As in, the time Epstein’s powerful co-conspirators would have had to take to go through a trial
before ultimately bribing the jury to get let off.
Murder was just more convenient.
Now for the two New Year’s Eve thing, all you’ve got to do is go to a place like New
Buffalo, Michigan, which is in the UTC - 5 timezone, then, after midnight, pop on down
to Michigan City, Indiana, which is at UTC - 6, for New Year’s Eve round two.
Now, I’m sure New Buffalo and Michigan City have some great New Year’s Eve celebrations,
but you can do this whole two New Year’s Even thing at an ever bigger scale.
For example, you can do round one in Hong Kong—where they do this amazing 4d fully
immersive fireworks experience—then hop on Cathay Pacific flight 872 at 12:55 AM and
fly east over the international date line to land in San Francisco at 8:50 PM the day
before, December 31st, for New Year’s Eve round two.
But of course, just as the Dutch said when they discovered Australia in 1606, we can
do better than that.
Those living in a land down under are surely familiar with their country’s screwy timezones.
This bit is at UTC + 8 with no daylight saving time, this bit is at UTC + 9:30 except during
daylight saving time when it’s at UTC + 10:30.
This bit and this other tiny bit is always at UTC + 9:30, and then there’s a bunch
of other arbitrary rules for the rest of the states.
Basically, nobody knows what’s going on, everyone’s confused, it’s all chaos, but
it does make for some fun tripoints.
Coincidently, that’s also apparently what was said when Britain and France carved up
the Ottoman Empire.
In summer, Australia has five different timezones meaning that at Cameron Corner, Poeppel Corner,
and Surveyor General Corner, three timezones meet at one point.
Therefore, at any one of these places, you could celebrate the new year three times just
by walking a few feet over the lines.
Although, your celebration would be in the middle of a desert surrounded by a bunch of
wild animals and a few dusty humans, though I guess that’s pretty much Burning Man.
Surely we can do better, though.
For example, Cameron and Poeppel Corners don’t look too far apart.
What if you just drove between them after New Year’s round three… and they’re
21 hours apart.
Australia’s crazy.
So that’s probably the most New Year’s Eve’s that a normal person can celebrate
in a night without spending crazy money.
So let’s rephrase the question: let’s say you’re Jeff Bezos, with an infinite
supply of tax-free money.
How many New Year’s Eve’s can you celebrate?
Well, Jeff, when New Year’s Eve happens at Cameron corner, New South Wales is first
to celebrate, followed by South Australia 30 minutes later, followed then by Queensland
30 minutes after that, but then Western Australia’s midnight is two hours behind that.
So, if you could get from here to here in less than two hours, you could add a fourth
New Year’s Eve into the mix.
We just need an airport.
This one’s only 70 miles or 100 kilometers away from Cameron Corner so it should be a
quick and easy trip… and it’s a six-hour drive.
Just build some roads Australia.
But remember, we are all Jeff Bezos on this blessed day, so we’re going to charter a
helicopter.
Queensland is the last of these three states to hit midnight so you don’t have to be
at the corner for when Queensland enters the New Year, you can be anywhere in the state,
so just after South Australia’s midnight, you start flying your helicopter east, staying
within Queensland.
That’ll take less than 30 minutes, in a fast helicopter at least, then you land, celebrate
the Queenslandic New Year’s Eve, then fly south the 15 minutes to Tibooburra Aerodrome,
in New South Wales.
There you hop in a private jet and fly the hour and a half west to Forrest Airport in
Western Australia.
You’ll get there just before their midnight, making it your fourth New Year’s Eve of
the night.
Unfortunately, there’s nowhere further west that is close enough to make it faster than
your private jet can fly west.
But of course, there’s the international date line.
So, fly the 13 hours north-east towards the Alaskan Aleutian Islands and land in Unalaska—which
despite its name is still very much Alaska—which is at UTC - 9.
There, hop in a seaplane to take you over to Akutan, the neighboring island, since there’s
no airport on it.
It’s at UTC - 8, so once that New Year’s is done hop back on the seaplane, fly back
to Unalaska, and celebrate your last New Year’s Eve of the night.
Ignoring the fact that, like, the North and South Pole exist, that is possibly, but honestly
probably not the most number of times you can celebrate New Year’s Eve in one night.
I’m sure the YouTube comments will do their magic and tell me why I’m wrong.
So let’s say that you, Jeff Bezos, actually go through with this plan and fly all around
the world in order to get an extra five New Year’s Eve’s in.
The carbon emissions from that night will be… substantial.
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