I battled depression for twenty years I
had alcohol problems and that's the only
time that I really felt good is when I
drank or normal so every day I would
drink something you know just to kind of
feel normal I had an anxiety attack or I
thought it was kind of a stroke or
something when I was 17 years old I went
to Germany and uh to visit some friends
and I don't know what happened but all
of a sudden I couldn't think my heart
was just beating out of my chest I
couldn't think anything but what's wrong
with me what's wrong with me what's
wrong with me and that happened four
days so you lost control yeah complete
control and I isolated myself for years
in years the only thing I did would die
I would go to work and then I would
drink and that's it and I really
wouldn't leave the house much or
anything like that because I was scared
to leave the house and I don't know I
guess I was always looking for something
you know something I tried you know the
alcohol and then uh drugs as well I
thought you know it was about maybe if I
made more money or my appearance was
better that people would like me better
and you know I I actually started taking
you know testosterone and my physical
appearance better didn't work made
things worse of course thank you I think
he's pretty hot
so so then I I guess I you know I was in
the corporate world for 15 years and
working a job that I hated and then a
friend of mine he turned me on to a
different different line of work
and I started that and that's when I
started making more money and and I
thought okay now it's about having the
cars and nice the nice things and that
didn't work either there was still that
that emptiness you know and so I was
working in Minnesota last year in
Minneapolis and I decided I kind of
stumbled onto his work on YouTube and I
decided that I was going to follow his
advice and get away from my environment
the people that I knew and I was just
gonna go I moved to Hawaii just decide
that yeah so I wanted to find out who I
was cuz I wasn't sure if I knew who I
was if I've been living all my life as
somebody else or my friends or you know
just I didn't know so when I was in
Hawaii I had you know i was i bought the
progressive workshop in and i and i I
listened to it and religiously probably
six to eight hours a day every day
Wow I was putting in the work
so so two days before the event or three
days something like that
I finally booked and I flew out to Santa
Fe and that was a great event
yes amazing so so when I got there you
know I uh I was doing you know the
breath work and then I finally had a I
kind of had a mystical experience kind
and uh I I knew at that point that you
know reality isn't what it seems there's
more to it now you know and then with
the the coherence healing that was a big
one for me the coherence healing you
know once we got done with the first one
and we said you know you know stand-up
or whatever look everybody in the eye
and I looked around the room and every
single person in the room was in tears
and I was like this is the way you're
supposed to live life right here this is
what it's about
[Music]
so
at that point I knew I'd found you know
I my soul was talking this is this is
what it is and and it's gone the
depression I don't have it anymore it's
not
I love my life it's uh it's it's it's
pretty amazing like I I trust I feel
guided I feel like the divine speaks
through me I don't I don't just talk
anymore I talked with a purpose
our speaker Curtis here now here's
another isn't he beautiful couple things
before he goes on when you have
depression the biggest challenge is that
you can't think greater than how you
feel and you're viewing your life
through the lens of hopelessness and
powerlessness and as I said the other
day most people who have depression have
anxiety and most people that have
anxiety have depression so when we live
for other people's opinions or to make
other people happy
we never know true freedom we never know
true happiness because every choice we
make is evaluated based on the people in
our life and what they're gonna think of
us so what happens is we try to control
more of our life and it's hard to
control your life especially in this day
and age and so one moment
where he's outside his environment and
he's not in control he has a panic
attack his heart racing and blood flow
diminishing to his brain and his
respiratory rate changing he is losing
control and the moment he feels that
internal state so dramatically altered
he's looking around in his outer
environment to figure out what's causing
it so then he doesn't want to show up in
his environment again because he doesn't
want to look foolish he doesn't want to
look out of control he spent his whole
life
gonna be somebody else other than
himself because that's the program are
you with me still and so you try the
alcohol it sedates the body you try the
drugs but when you're not on the drugs
or the alcohol there's a real strong
feeling that actually the emptiness gets
worse and you can't not pay attention to
it so you don't leave the house because
if you leave the house and you leave
your safe environment if it happens
again now it's gonna get worse and you
don't you know you can't control that
panic attack because it's programmed
subconsciously are you with me still and
so he retreats from his life he
disconnects from the familiar people the
job places remember the progressive
workshop in a world of thoughts and
feelings all the outer world it's made
up of your job your boss the enemies
your friends you know all of those
things your car your home all of that
you're identifying with and it's
reaffirming who you think you are so
then if your identity is trapped in all
the things that of ambition and success
and cars and money and looking good and
all of that stuff sooner or later you're
gonna outgrow that because it's never
gonna take away the emptiness because
nothing outside of us is gonna really
change how we feel inside of us because
success and and all the things that come
along with what the mail program is all
of a sudden reaches an end it becomes
finite I had it in my own life I
understand it is really the moment the
soul wakes up in a moment the soul is
nudging you like this every day don't
stop asking the questions we have all of
eternity but this is a good moment an
eternity to wake up and the only way out
of the program is love that's the door
why do you think we keep focusing on it
why do you think you keep surrendering
to love he surrendered fully to love
instead of to fear and this by the way
is what humbled greatness looks like you
can continue
you know the craziest thing about this
whole thing is is in Santa Fe and after
the Kohen hearing ceiling out yeah went
back to my room and I was pretty wired
that night I I hadn't felt that good in
as long as I can remember and I actually
remembered sitting there in my room
thinking about this opportunity right
here and it's happening right now
now I run into Borges yesterday on the
two-hour break and he comes up to me and
you know we're exercising and he says
hey I just want to tell you something
changed my life I said what's up oh and
he told me this story and I said excuse
me wait a second
you have an opportunity to go and give a
testimonial in front of the camera you
need people you will help by just
telling this story it's like what's a
testimonial I'm like you know the thing
that we ask people to do kind of
scratches his head like oh and he looked
like mmm I said well wait a second dude
what I was thinking was am I gonna be in
front of a group of people like this or
am I gonna be on a camera one-on-one
that's what I was thinking so it was
funny because he I jumped in the pool
yesterday just to get in the pool and
just hang out with everybody and I
hadn't been in the pool it's been
amongst you and just enjoy it so I just
I had my little brew house with me I had
my angels with me and I ran out there
jumped in the pool talked to a few
people everybody what do you think
people were saying in the pool all they
were saying over and over again is I'm
so grateful thank you I'm so grateful
I'm so happy to be here I feel so
abundant I feel like all my needs are
met this is the way we should live our
life this is exactly what I wanted to
hear and he gorgeous comes over and
looks at me and he's yells something me
I said what he said I want to do the
film thing
I said I okay I said what I want to do
something but okay so I was gonna take
questions and I thought no way is he
gonna get in front of a camera when I
have an audience here let's get him in
front of the audience so that he can
overcome a little bit more
now this is what I want you to pay
attention to I love him because he's so
authentic he there's no veneer
there's no bravado there's no there's no
mal for he's just happy with himself
he's happy and relaxed with himself that
is the way we should live our lives even
when people abandon us even when people
move away from him even when people talk
smack about us I know that's when you
should be totally relaxed and know that
nothing it's gonna take this feeling
away and that's when you're free and he
is free I appreciate it guys
this is so really really humbling and
pretty amazing experience cuz I never
never never thought I'd be able to do
this welcome to the unknown thank you
guys I appreciate everything
[Applause]
I want you to turn the person next to
you and I want you to tell them any
aspect of yourself that you see in him
that you want to change or want to
become think about it he is the living
example of truth he overcame something
that many of you have and if he can
overcome serious depression for 20 years
can you overcome your victimization turn
the person next to you and explain is he
not a light to the world hmm when I say
to you I want you to listen closely when
I say to you you have no idea what
you're doing today in overcoming
yourself who you will help in some
future time because you will be the
truth and people need to see the living
example of truth this is a time in
history where it's not enough to know
this is a time in history to know how
and become he will lead in his life not
because of what he says but because of
his essence and who he is
do you understand I love him I love him
because he is the truth