[THERAPIST] So you feel that there are aspects of your relationship you can improve upon?
[THERAPIST] Well, that's what couples therapy is all about.
I suggested electroshock therapy, but whatever.
Sometimes I feel like the affection is a little one-sided.
Well I could certainly use some more affection.
I meant the other side.
Oh, what are you talking about?
I fried your brain, I forced you to strip for my gangster pals,
I threw you into a vat of toxic chemicals...
I mean- what more do I have to do to prove that I care?
[THERAPIST] And how did that make you feel Harley?
[THERAPIST] Being thrown into a vat of toxic chemicals?
Wet.
Acidic.
Slightly irradiated?
[THERAPIST] No, how did it feel emotionally?
I guess I felt a little hurt.
A "little" hurt?
Well, obviously I didn't do it right.
Well it wasn't what I had in mind for our first date!
He didn't even bring a towel.
You gotta let that stuff soak in - it's how I got my sunny complexion.
Ooh! It's bright in here!
[THERAPIST] And Joker, how do you view your relationship with Harley?
[THERAPIST] Is there anything you're unhappy about?
I don't like the fact that she has so many male friends.
We're not friends, Puddin.
We're a squad!
Oh yeah, the "Suicide Squad"!
You don't need a squad to commit suicide!
I can give you suicide!
I can give you homicide, genocide, felicide...
There are so many 'cides to me that you never see
cos you're out skankin' it up with your man squad!
Hey!
You bought me these clothes, pervert!
Even plastered your property tag on the back of my jacket!
Look at all these tattoos!
Skulls, playing cards,
his own name just in case he gets lost in the supermarket.
But you won't find a single "Harley Quinn" anywhere!
Depends on how hard you're looking.
Hey!
Mother?
When was the last time you even saw your mother?
Last Feb when I killed her and fed her to y--
...me.
[GASP]
I knew there was something off about that Valentine's Day casserole.
You never cook!
I cook when it's family!
[THERAPIST] Joker has a point though, doesn't he Harley?
You do have a history of falling for unlawful men in your proximity.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
Let's try and keep this professional.
Venturing into unfamiliar territory?
If he didn't want me on the squad,
he should have rescued me from the prison at the very start!
I was busy! I have a life outside of you, you know.
Oh, how could I forget?
Speaking of spending too much time with other men,
how's Batman these days?
He's not a friend. He's a nemesis!
My life's mission is to destroy him!
And all he holds dear!
I thought I was you life's mission!
Now I have to share you with a nemesis?
You know, if you weren't out all last night searching for Batman
you wouldn't have missed the Gotham Bachelor finale!
You promised you'd watch it with me!
Oh, I hate that Bruce Wayne!
I can't believe he chose Pamela over Selina.
What?!
[THERAPIST] Harley, you used to be a psychiatrist yourself.
Before Joker turned you via physical and pyschological abuse.
Hey, hey!
Don't put ideas in my head, Doc!
[JOKER LAUGH]
[COUGHS]
Dammit!
I'm still working on the laugh.
[THERAPIST] But seriously, how would Dr. Harleen Quinzel--
[THERAPIST] ...ridiculous name...
[THERAPIST] --characterise this relationship?
Just a second, I'll ask her.
The number you have dialled has been disconected.
Please check the number and try again.
Well, you know what they say about an apple a day.
How do you like them apples?
[STARTS LAUGHING, CHOKES]
Ah, forget it.
How did Ledger do it?
[THERAPIST] Well I believe we've made some progress today.
[THERAPIST] So here's what I suggest:
[THERAPIST] Find a way to reconnect with each other through an activity.
[THERAPIST] Ask yourselves, what do you enjoy doing together?
[THERAPIST] What brings you mutual satisfaction?
[THERAPIST] That's your homework for tonight.
I think we just had a breakthrough!
[MUFFLED SCREAM]
[BATMAN] Hello Doctor.
Where can I find Joker and Harley Quinn?
[THERAPIST] You know I can't tell you that.
Doctor/patient confidentiality.
[BATMAN] Doctor, I'm growing im-patient.
[THERAPIST] You seem very determined to stop these two.
Almost as if by doing so,
you hope to prove something to yourself?
[BATMAN] Nice try, doctor.
I know how you therapists operate, and believe me:
this has nothing whatsoever to do with my dead parents and the fact that I failed them.
[THERAPIST] I see.
And why do you think you failed them?
[BATMAN] Oh, what? Am I on your couch now?
[COUCH NOISE] What the?
How did I get on this couch??
[THERAPIST] Just relax, and we'll start at the beginning.
When did you realise you were a bat trapped in a mans body?
A "trans-bat", if you will.
[BATMAN] I'm a boy.
I fall down a well.
It's different every time I remember it.
Sometimes there's one bat.
Sometimes there's hundreds.
Sometimes I'm... floating upwards with the bats? I...
Those ones are pretty weird.
But listen, Doc...
[THERAPIST] Oh, please - call me Martha.
[BATMAN] Martha?
What?
Why'd you say that name?
Why'd you say that name??
WHY'D YOU SAY THAT NAME??
WHY'D YOU SAY THAT NAME!!!
MARTHAAAAAA!!!!
[PHONE PICK-UP]
[THERAPIST] Ethel?
Clear my schedule.