and the psychoanalysts I think it air
too much on the side of the subject they
tend to think that too much of you is
inside of you and too little of you is
outside of you and part of the reason I
believe that is because of my clinical
experience I love the psychoanalyst man
they're brilliant they're brilliant
they're deep they grapple with real
problems like with the problems when
people have real problems and I mean
profound problems they're really
profound moral problems or problems of
good and evil really you know there are
things going on in their family that are
so terrible that well that there are
there are sometimes fatal
you know lie upon lie upon lie upon lie
for decades and decades and decades it's
awful and that's not exactly inside them
it's out there in the world and lots of
the people that I see very famous critic
of psychology I can't remember his name
but I probably will criticize the
practice of psychology quite effectively
in the leave in the early 60s the myth
of mental illness by Thomas says Szasz
it's classic you should read it if
you're interested in psychology read it
like it's it's a classic and he
basically said most people have problems
in living they don't have psychological
problems and so I've experienced despite
my love for the psychoanalysts very
frequently what I'm doing as a therapist
is helping people have a life that would
work you know and you can parameterize
that it's like what do you need how
about some friends that people kind of
like that how about an intimate
relationship with someone that you can
trust that maybe has a future that'd be
good how about a career that puts you in
a dominant Archy somewhere so at least
you've got some possibility of rising
some possibility of stabilizing yourself
and our schedule in a routine because
no one can live without a routine you
just forget that if you guys don't have
a routine I would recommend like you get
one going because you cannot be mentally
healthy without a routine you need to
pick a time to get up whatever time you
want but pick one and stick to it
because otherwise you dis regulate your
circadian rhythms and they regulate your
mood and eat something in the morning I
had lots of clients who've had anxiety
disorders I had one client who was
literally starving very smart girl sheet
there's very little that she liked she
kind of tried to subsist on like half a
cup of rice a day she came to me and
said I have no energy I come home all I
want to do is watch the same movie over
and over what like is that weird and I
thought well it depends on how hard you
work you know it's a little weird but
whatever it's familiar you're looking
for comfort so I did an analysis of her
diet it's like three quarters of a cup
of rice it's like you're starving eat
something you know you'll feel better
so she modified her diet and her all her
anxiety went away and she had some
energy it's like yeah you got to eat so
schedule that's a good thing man your
brain will thank you for it it will
stabilize your nervous system with it's
a bit of a plan that's a good thing you
need a career you need something
productive to do with your time you need
to regulate your use of drugs and
alcohol most particularly alcohol cuz
that does even a lot of people you need
a family like the family you have your
parents and all that be nice of you all
got along you could work on that that's
a good thing to work on and then you
know you probably need children at some
point that's life that's what life is
and if you're missing you know you may
have a good reason to not be operating
on one of those dimensions it's not
mandatory but I can tell you that if
you're not operating reasonably well on
for I think I mentioned six if you're
not operating reasonably well on at
least three of them
there's no way you're going to be
psychologically thriving and that's more
pragmatic in some sense than
psychological right human beings have a
nature there's things we need and if we
have them well that's good and if we
don't have them well then we feel the
lack and so behaviorists behavioral
psychologists concentrate a lot more on
that sort of thing
you know it's practical it's like
strategizing make a career plan figure
out how to negotiate because that's
bloody important figure out how to say
what you need figure out how to tell the
truth to people figure out how to listen
to your partner in particular because if
you listen to them they will actually
tell you what they want and sometimes
you can give it to them and maybe
they'll return the favor and if you
practice that for like 15 years well
then maybe you're constantly giving each
other what you want well hooray
that would be good and then there's two
of you under all circumstances and it's
better to have two brains than one
because people think differently because
of their temperament mostly and so the
negotiation is where the wisdom arises
and it's part of the transformation the
psychological transformation that's
attendant on an intimate relationship
and one of the fundamental purposes of a
long-term intimate relationship