I talk a lot about preventing problem behaviors, but rarely talk about what
you should do if you get problem behaviors. Today, we are talking all about what to do when
a child actually throws or hits and how to get these major problem behaviors at, or near zero.
Welcome back to another video. I’m Dr. Mary Barbera, autism mom, behavior analyst,
and bestselling author. Each week, I provide you with at least one video about turning
things around. So if you haven't subscribed to my YouTube channel, you can do that now.
So today I am sharing a small excerpt from podcast number 185, where we are talking about what to do
when you actually get problem behaviors, how to get out of it in the moment, how to be the
Monday morning quarterback and how to make a plan to get those problem behaviors to zero.
When she brought him, uh, a few months ago, back to back, you know, maybe a couple weeks apart,
he had some, some. um, throwing behavior, some hitting, a little bit of hitting, I mean, nothing
extremely dangerous. And so we wanted to talk about that because Rachel was even with her
special education background, her background with Lucas, her background as a program director, she
knows not to use bribes, not to use punishment. Um, but it gets tricky when you're in the moment
when you have a child that's throwing or hitting. And I all have always said done lots of podcasts
and video blogs on the fact that we need to spend 95% of our time preventing problem behavior. And I
don't really get into what to do when we actually have problem behavior, because it really varies.
And I don't wanna tell people to do something that's even more dangerous. Like if you do this,
the child may escalate, it may get worse. Um, and so, but before our very eyes Everett had had some
problem behaviors and neither one of us reacted great to them. And by the point when Rachel left,
um, she was almost in tears and asking me like, what should I do?
So while she was on her way home, I drafted an email and kind of was the Monday morning
quarterback to help her solve this issue of throwing and hitting and fast forward now,
hitting and throwing is gone. It's zero. So let's back up. Yep. And describe what happened. It
really, our second visit is, is really when we saw throwing a few times and a couple of hits.
Um, so, so in your, you know, from your memory as a mom, What did what happened? So, you know,
we wanted him to do what we wanted him to do, and he didn't want to and you know, so he was getting
up from the table. He was throwing materials from the table, like swiping them off. Um,
when I wanted him to then like, then I was forcing him, like pick it up,
um, and not really using my great strategies in the moment.
And, you know, then he picked it up and then he threw it.
Um, and then when I was trying to help him pick it up again, I got close. He swatted at me.
Um, You know, I I'm sweating at this point. So then I'm like, you know, if, if you're
not gonna be nice, then we have to leave. If you're not gonna listen, we have to go which,
We can't stay. Those are threats. If you're not gonna be nice, we have to leave. You know, we're
gonna go home. You're not gonna get the ice cream I promised. And you also use some bribes, come on,
we just have to do these couple things and then we're gonna go for the ice cream. So whenever
we're reminding kids of reinforcement in the moment as they're having problem behavior, that's
a bribe and that's gonna lead to more problem behavior because we're pulling out good things.
We're reminding them of reinforcement. So, and it's, you know, I was no banger BCBA either,
but I was like, I don't wanna really interfere here. He's not a client. You know,
you were also trying to like reason with him and trying to get down at his level and being very
kind and being, you know, no, thank you. We don't do that. Say you're sorry.
Um, Which I did a whole video blog on why I don't like, I'm sorry, either in the moment or later,
because it tends to put a lot of attention on problem behaviors. So, and when he was throwing
things, it wasn't like harmful things necessarily he was, or at people or anything, but it's still
throwing he threw like a little Playdoh container. Okay. That's not bad. But then when Rachel had him
pick it up, he took the play doh container and he banged it on the wall. And you know, again,
he's only three, it didn't harm my wall, but I, of course don't live in a palace either. Like a
lot of people might have a problem, a a child of any, you know, and as that child would get older,
um, you know, the damage could be worse. And then when, um, Rachel eventually took him
to the car. She actually was carrying him. He had a train in one hand and a dinosaur in the other,
and he ended up not even being upset. I don't know what he was doing, but all of a sudden he threw
this train, this metal train at Rachel's car. And at that point Rachel's like all done train,
but she let him have the dinosaur, the plastic dinosaur in his hands still.
Strapped him in the car seat, he's crying. Um, the other thing you did, I'm almost crying. You were
also saying like, he's tired, he got up last night kind of making excuses for him and Rachel's like,
as soon as this happened and then I emailed and she got the situation under control. I said,
you know, we should have you on the show if you're comfortable because this is life. This is what's
happening for many, many people who are listening, whether you're a parent or professional. Once a
child has problem behaviors, it's, it's a no win situation. Mm-hmm, it's not going to look perfect.
You're going to have to get out of that problem behavior one way or the other mm-hmm and
um, we want to be kind, we wanna be gentle and we wanna teach kids to,
um, to not have problem behaviors. Like that's stressful. I mean, Rachel's
has a three year old and a baby, you know, if she takes them both out,
it's a lot, it's a lot to handle. And if you have a three year old,
that's not being compliant with holding mommy's hand following along. If he's throwing things,
you know, the baby could get hurt, even if he's not throwing it at the baby.
Um, lots of things can happen. Yeah. So just talking through it too, like, I've even like,
as. I was trying to talk to him more. The behaviors were escalating, right? So first
he just swipes the play dough off the floor. Had I stopped then, like we may not have seen throwing
the play dough, banging on the wall, like, but I kept going because I wanted to explain it to him
and I wanted him to stop and he's got language. So I'm, I'm talking more and feeling like I need
to explain it to him, but really, like I should have just cut it off and we may not
have seen so many other issues, which is what I've been doing now, you know, like,
now that we've talked through this, it's been a lot easier moving forward.
I hope you enjoyed that short excerpt. If you did, I would love thumbs up,
leave a comment, share it with somebody else who may benefit and for more information
about how you might be able to join our online toddler course where you can help
your child or clients do better, whether they have a diagnosis of autism or not check out a
free workshop at marybarbera.com/workshop. And I will see you right here next week.