Welcome to this video on Counseling and Domestic Violence.
Domestic Violence, as defined by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
is "the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive
behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate
partner against another.
It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse.
The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically; however, the one constant
component of domestic violence is one partner's consistent efforts to
maintain power and control over the other."
Abusive behaviors vary in nature, and typically escalate from bad to worse.
Generally, abuse starts out with verbal abuse.
This can be demeaning comments, harsh name calling,aggressive threats or language, etc.
After verbal abuse typically comes the emotional abuse.
This could be manipulative conversations to point out flaws in the victim and to elevate
themselves, rejection, isolation, financial threats, ignoring needs and emotions, intentionally
placing the victim in danger, and withholding helpful guidance.
Physical abuse, generally, comes next on the continuum, in the form of restraining, slapping,
beating, biting, burning, striking with an object, strangulation, aggressive sexual advances,
rape, and the use of weapons with the intent of wounding or causing death.
President Bill Clinton signed the Violence Against Women Act of 1994, essentially what
the law said was we will have zero tolerance against violence.
Zero tolerance just means if abuse is reported, then for sure there will always be a consequence.
Enough with abusers getting off easy, or worse yet, getting completely off the hook.
However, instead of limiting abuse, what happened was women stopped reporting it
and began to withdraw from legal protection.
Abused women feared that: Police would take their children away from
them because there was violence coming from the husband or significant other.
That their husbands or significant others would seek revenge on them after being released from jail.
They even fear that they would be unable to support their children without their husband's
or significant other's income.
Women are the most at risk targets for abuse because they are:
Often times untrained in self-defense, and even if they are, typically, they are just
significantly weaker, physiologically.
Women tend to stay in physically abusive relationships for many reasons, including:
Seeing their mothers stay in a physically abusive relationship.
A social responsibility to keep up the facade of a happy home
Early learned insecurity that they are inferior and deserve abuse.
Medical professionals, in all fields, have adopted a set of identifiers to help screen
for abused women who do not self disclose.
There are three questions the woman is asked: Whether or not she has been physically struck
over the last year About the safety of her present relationship
About past relationships that may threaten her present safety
To help bring to light the severity, and excessiveness of abuse I think it is important to note that
abuse costs the American economy over of $4 billion dollars per year.
This total accounts for: Care for physical injuries by medical practitioners
Care for psychological injuries by mental health professionals
Violence prevention campaigns for victims and perpetrators
Police and judiciary costs Emergency housing Social Services costs
It does not include hidden costs from eroded social capital like:
Increased morbidity from stress
Lost pay from work absences
Low productivity from worry at work and painful movement
Lower earnings and savings Increased mortality from suicide through depression
Poor school performance by traumatized children Increased mortality from murder
The victim can be EITHER member of an intimate relationship.
The children in violent homes are often neglected or abused.
Victims of childhood abuse often become the perpetrators of violence in later life.
Many suffer from poor self-esteem that undermines their job choices and social interactions.
Abuse in any form often creates an inescapable cycle for those involved.
Physical and mental issues often develop in a child from an abusive home that follows
him or her into adulthood.
Some common behavior and social problems are:
Deficient social skills; inadequate problem-solving skills
aggressiveness delinquency
oppositional behaviors attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD) suicidal tendencies; drug and alcohol abuse
social disengagement denial
anxiety and depression social withdrawal
avoidance of problems excessive self-criticism
These social, behavioral, and intimacy problems are very prevalent and costly to our society,
but more importantly degrade the quality of life for children.
Male abusers were usually abused as children, or watched their mothers being abused, or
saw abuse perpetrated by male friends (e.g., gang rapes as initiation rites for girls at skip parties).
The male abuser often has a disproportionate sense of entitlement that he has the right
to hurt others, especially females.
The male abuser usually does not have a good opinion of women because that is the way he was socialized.
The male abuser often justifies his behavior by stating he was drunk or high on drugs at the time of an attack.
The abuser truly believes he has the right to hit a woman if she is unfaithful or withholding sex from him.
One type of abuser may have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),
a delayed reaction caused by trauma or witnessing an event that caused him a great deal of suffering.
Other psychological problems common to abusers are depression,
poor self-esteem, personality disorders, and psychopathy.
Male abusers may have been abandoned as children.
Abandonment leads to a state of rage in the adult male.
Be alert to three states of child abuse that commonly have detrimental effects on the future
adult male: The father or an adult male authority figure inflicts physical abuse on a male child
The father inflicts emotional abuse by rejecting and humiliating his son
The mother does not form a maternal bond with her son
Anger is part of the attachment process.
The attachment object may be the victim of the violence as the male abuser takes out
his feelings of jealousy or rejection.
The male's veneer of icy indifference conceals a strong emotional dependency on the significant other or wife.
Abusers of either sex have various unmet psychological needs or motivations.
These types of abusers are common: Type #1: A person who assaults his or her
victims in the home setting and has a strong need to dominate relationships with his or her intimate partners.
Type #2:
The abuser suffering from significant psychological issues, like antisocial personality disorder,
who is a convicted criminal or has past assault and battery charges (often dropped by intimidated victims).
Type #3:
The person who works through a continuum of abusive behaviors, beginning with verbal
and emotional abuses, which lead to throwing objects at the victim, intimidation,
and an effort to dominate the relationship by withholding money or restraining movement and social access.
Violence can escalate, followed by feelings of remorse.
The pattern can become part of a never-ending cycle of behavior.
Abuser #3 often victimizes seniors or the disabled.
Let's take a look at treatment for the abuser:
Your first step is to determine if abuse actually exists and to diagnose the type of abuser.
Rule out addiction to drugs or alcohol.
If the abuser is an addict, refer the abuser to a separate drug or alcohol intervention program,
in conjunction with your treatment.
Next, determine the severity of past abuses perpetrated on the abuser when he or she was a child.
It doesn't have to be the case that abuse was directed at the child.
It is sufficient that he or she witnessed violence being perpetrated on other family members.
Evaluate the abuser for borderline personality disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Provide the abuser with anger management training in a group setting.
Anger management involves discussions of dominant and controlling behaviors,
and the development of personal responsibility.
The abuser needs to control his own or her own behavior.
Counsel the male abuser regarding the abuse that was perpetrated on him as a child.
The male adult should understand that he was a victim himself, and is not to be blamed
for the past abuse perpetrated upon him as a child.
He is not the one that caused others to hurt him.
Gently bring to light his wrong assumptions, and try to develop his understanding of the
root of his self-esteem issues.
The male needs to develop a healthier self-view and learn thought patterns that lead to appropriate behavior.
Encourage him to discuss and help him to deal with internal conflicts and the internalized pain of his past.
There may be a harshness, coldness, or unwillingness to admit any wrongdoing, or vulnerability.
Be patient.
Use a motivational approach to help your male client gain a healthy perspective on his behavior.
Base your approach on cognitive, emotional, and behavioral conflicts in your patient's life.
Treatment that involves discussing your client's abusive relationship with others may unearth
feelings that are uncomfortable for both your client and you.
(The terms "he" and "his" are not used to here discriminate, but because the abuser
is statistically more likely to be male.)
Your client may want to place blame for his actions on his wife or significant other.
Help your client to understand the motivations behind his actions and his desire to lay the blame elsewhere.
Understanding helps your client to establish a closer relationship with his wife.
Do not try and force your client to take responsibility for his behavior, or criticize him, as your
client will become defensive.
Do not force a confrontation that could turn into an aggressive act.
Confrontations increase the sense of humiliation your client is feeling.
Humiliation will lead your client to express feelings of blame and anger.
However, that sense of humiliation can be a very effective tool if guided in a caring
way by the counselor.
The anger management treatment group should consist of 6-8 male members.
DO NOT to try to counsel a couple in an abusive relationship, as this can lead to further abuse.
Assess your clients individually, followed by group therapy.
The small group of 6-8 members should be led either by a sole male counselor, or male and
female co-counselors to help the clients see positive interaction between a male and female.
The male and female counselors must understand each other's strengths and weakness, and seek
to engage one another in a complementary way.
The focus and intention of the group is to help
patients identify their wrongs, and reveal their need for help.
Each individual in the group should examine his or her emotional
responses that are reflected in angry behaviors.
The emotions behind the anger are usually sadness, pain, rejection, humiliation, and at the core of all of it.
pride.
Help them to identify the underlying feelings or mindset that the anger is stemming from,
and allow them to talk about what is going on beneath the surface.
Discuss families and relationships.
Relate childhood experiences to present attitudes and behaviors.
Anger management group therapy generally go on for 20 weeks with one session per week.
Here is a suggested outline for your discussion topics:
Week 1:
The group makes a participation agreement.
Each individual shares his personal violence statement.
Week 2:
Clients learn to identify feelings of anger, and attempt to step back before acting on it.
Discuss other anger management principles.
Give some stress management skill instructions.
Week 3:
Each client participates in a discussion on issues he faces in his daily life
that he feels like he has control over and issues that he feels like he cannot control.
Follow this discussion with another on conflict, emotions, and actions.
Encourage clients to practice the use of "I" messages to communicate their feelings.
Help your clients to gain insight into assertive requests and refusals.
Week 4:
Involve your clients in an examination of values and discuss the clients' reactions.
Week 5:
Discuss the continuum of abuse and the power wheel.
Week 6:
Discuss childhood experiences,
especially the parental relationship that the child witnessed, and parenting styles.
Week 7:
Discuss how abuse of the child is reflected in the life of the adult.
The resulting conversation will deal with emotions that this discussion conjures up.
Week 8:
Clients discuss the difference between punishment and discipline.
Week 9:
Clients discuss encouragement and respect.
Week 10:
Discuss identifying wrong thinking and its impact, and examine scripts.
Week 11:
Discuss the abuse cycle along with a conversation regarding communication.
Week 12: Involves empathy, listening, and reflection.
Week 13:
Discuss assertiveness.
Week 14: Summarize and consolidate the communication skills you taught in the first 13 weeks.
Week 15: Review the power wheel and include a practice exercise.
Week 16: Discuss intimacy.
Week 17: Give empathy exercises.
Week 18: Follow-up to the empathy exercises.
Week 19: Outline a relapse prevention plan.
Week 20: Summarize and reinforce what was learned in the previous 19 weeks.
In your ending conversation, discuss ways to implement the relapse prevention plan in
case a problem develops.
Abuse is rampant in homes all throughout the U.S., and the world.
We are excited that it has been pressed upon your heart to understand it, and be used to
help grab people from the ongoing cycle.
I hope that this video was effective in equipping you with the necessary tools and information.
For further help, be sure to check out our other video's right here.
See you next time!