How to get over a breakup
when you treated her like a queen
and she treated you like a joker
leaving you crushed and suffering.
Maybe you're not even sure you want
another heart wrecker.
I don't blame you
I had a viewer comment recently
that reminded me
of a fellow I was working with a few years ago
who had gone through a terrible breakup,
his heart was broken,
he didn't even know if he wanted to be here.
But what happened?
Let's call it Stan's story.
Let's look at Stan's story
so that the viewer
and perhaps yourself
can figure out
not only how to get over a painful breakup
but also how to get
an even better girl
without being too nice.
Welcome to just the tip Tuesday.
Ashley, not her real name
was an amazing girl
everything Stan was looking for.
She was sweet, she was sexy,
she was fun to be with.
They spent every spare minute together,
they laughed a lot and the *** was amazing.
She introduced him to
her family and her friends
things were going great
and Stan thought for sure
Ashley was the one,
then something started to change.
Now, you might recognize this
she started pulling away
and not being nearly as available.
She started making excuses
saying she was always busy or tired
or didn't really even have a good excuse
for not spending time with Stan.
So, of course, what did Stan do?
Like what have a lot of you probably done
in a similar situation
he tried even harder
he thought what...
Okay, I'll leave that one alone.
He tried harder
and was giving her way
more compliments and attention
and even gifts
because he thought
there was something he was doing wrong
or not enough of for her to keep her happy.
Now, a lot of you experienced guys
no this is not the way to go about it.
You can't overdo it
because what happens
it makes her even more cranky
and she pulls away even more
and she doesn't even understand
why she's doing that.
She just understands that she needs space.
Have you ever heard that?
I need space.
If you have, write it in the comments.
So, what did Stan do
after she's pulling away even more?
Well, he ditches his work to be with her
and his friends and the gym and
he gets into this mindset
where everything is about Ashley,
but of course that wasn't working.
Everything he was doing
was actually just pushing her further away
and pretty soon
there was no more fantastic ***.
There was actually no *** at all.
Finally, Ashley tells Stan
she wants to take a break
maybe let's be friends.
Have you ever heard that one?
Write your story in the comments below.
And of course feeling hurt and reactive
maybe even watching some videos
on the what to do
Stan reacts by saying
never mind we're done.
Difference between reacting and responding
says a lot. More on that in a moment.
And of course immediately
he misses her like crazy and he's lonely
and he starts sinking into a depression
in a downward spiral
focusing only on
all the positive memories that
cloud his judgment
of the real Ashley.
More on that in a minute.
Meanwhile, his heart is broken,
his confidence destroyed,
and it's taking everything in his soul
not to beg her for another chance.
At least, he knows
that anything he says
is going to sound desperate anyway
because he is feeling desperate.
You can probably relate
what does Stan decide to do?
He decides
maybe it's time to give up on women
because he just can't take another chance
of going through this
again, with someone else.
All right, does this sound familiar?
If it does
share your story in the comments
you'll get some great feedback
from the Wingman fam
and remember you're not alone.
You feel alone
but like I say write your story below
you're going to get a lot of support
and encouragement
from other guys who've gone through this
and come out the other end
and figured it out
and are now in
healthy, wonderful relationships.
At least, some of them are
or maybe they're just single and happy.
All right, now let's look at what Stan did
based on my recommendations
to get over a breakup with Ashley
and get an even better girl for him.
So, what was the problem?
Well, you probably recognize
that Stan lost himself
to Ashley and the relationship.
Similar to my recent viewers comment
who said
I made her feel way too secure
in the relationship
and I worshipped her.
Maybe you've heard me say many times
if you put her on a pedestal she'll look down on you.
But also more importantly
even it wasn't
that Stan made Ashley
feel too secure in the relationship
but that Stan himself
was too insecure in the relationship.
He probably saw Ashley
as being out of his league.
When you try too hard
it comes across as needy and desperate.
Needy and desperate
is not attractive to women.
I think that's pretty obvious
but not only that
women are extremely sensitive
to the perception of you
they see
as the potential for a long-term partner.
Let me explain women's needs.
As I've said many times before
women's primary need
in fact all our need
is to feel safe and secure.
Now, women have an especially sensitive need
to feel physically, emotionally,
financially, spiritually, the work safe
because we are
"technically the weaker sex"
like at least physically.
So, when Stan gave up
what was important for his health
that actually made Ashley,
feel unsafe with him for the long-term.
Women unconsciously or subconsciously know
that we don't always
make the right choices.
It's true none of us do.
So, when Stan acted
like whatever Ashley wanted
was right and appropriate
she lost trust in his ability
to remain level-headed
logical and overall a responsible man.
Is irresponsibility attractive?
No, remember whether by nature or nurture
men and women do have differences.
Now, that's changing a little bit in the younger generation
but there are still so many differences
that impact
our dating and relationships.
Key point,
women need men
to stay strong
in the areas where women aren't as strong
or might not always be as strong.
Example, when Stan
ditched his friends to be with Ashley
that showed his lack
of emotional responsibility
to be able to have a social life
aside from Ashley.
Making your girlfriend or your partner
the only person
that's important in your social world
is not healthy
creates dependency.
Is being dependent sexy?
No, when Stan ditched his work
to be with Ashley
that showed his lack
of financial responsibility
and commitment to his own career.
And when Stan ditched the gym
to be with Ashley
that showed a lack of commitment
to his own health.
What's going to happen down the road?
Is he going to just kick it because
he just showed up to be with Ashley all the time
when he should have been also
maintaining his own health.
Never mind the effects that had on his physique,
which maybe was a selling feature for Ashley.
Maybe it was part of a selling feature
just like Ashley's beauty
was a selling feature for him.
And when Stan bought Ashley things that
he couldn't afford
or that he could afford
but should have been saving that money
for something more meaningful
that proved he didn't have
financial responsibility.
Now, remember
you're like oh, what about the gold diggers?
Are those the kind of girls you want
for a long-term relationship?
I think not.
When you put a woman on a pedestal
she will look down on you
because women mirror your feelings about yourself.
When Stan acted like
Ashley was better than him
even if he maybe didn't think so on a logical level
but he treated her that way,
then she subconsciously starts to believe
what don't I know about him that he knows
that makes me better than him?
And key point,
even if
she didn't think
he had some hidden flaw.
The fact that he was making her out
to be better than him
would have told her subconsciously
he's not seeing the real her.
The real her has some flaws
he has to be able to acknowledge that
for her to be able to be like okay,
he loves me even with my flaws.
Personality flaws whatever,
character flaws,
physical flaws.
We all want to be loved
for who we really are
be seen for who we really are.
If you can't see it as a person
as a whole including the parts
that are maybe not so pretty
then it's going to feel like
you're not really seeing her.
Okay, so how do you get over it?
I know well, you know the preamble was important.
How to get over breakup?
You must focus on yourself
and your own needs first.
Sound selfish.
If you haven't done this in the past
but that's the primary
put your own mask on first.
Remember, but Anna,
Ashley is my need.
No, she's not, silly.
And if you really think that
that's a problem.
You must always and forever after
well maybe until you have kids.
Meet your own needs first
in terms of finance and career
and health and social life and spirituality
and charity.
You need to have a well-rounded life
as though you were going to be single forever
even if you're in a relationship
that's what makes you sexy
when you don't need someone
because you got this full life.
You got to focus on what you can do.
Create a social life
yes, you can.
Improve your health
especially where you slacked,
better your financial situation,
make your career more satisfying,
get back into your hobbies
you neglected while you were with her.
Refocus on the goals you used to have
and if you didn't have goals create some.
A man with purpose is sexy.
The more well-rounded you are
in all of those areas
the more attractive you'll be
to the greater number
of attractive women.
But Anna, I don't even know where to start.
I hear you.
You either have to
take a look at what the most urgent thing
you've neglected in your life is
and work on that or the thing that's going to cause you problems
if you don't deal with it asap
and work on that.
Or you get my wake up to love program
and I give you a step-by-step process
to figuring out what your number one
priority should be.
And then a step-by-step process
for how to tackle each of those areas.
But Anna, I did that sort of...
No, you didn't
if you took my program
and it didn't work for you
it's because you didn't do the work.
Part of the work is reviewing regularly.
You don't take your car to the shop once
and it's good for the rest well, maybe
if it's a Tesla I’m not sure about that.
You don't take your body
to the gym once and then you're fit
it's an ongoing maintenance process.
So, what happened to Stan?
And Stan realized
that he felt unworthy of Ashley,
he knew something had to change
and he started working on those things.
For Stan, he realized his number one priority
was to get his body back in the gym.
He used to be super fit
and he kind of let himself go
and it wasn't feeling good on the inside
and it wasn't looking as good on the outside.
And soon as he started doing that
he started boosting up his confidence
and I’m not kidding you within a few months
Stan got another girlfriend
a better girlfriend for Stan.
Not only that, but the gym was a great place
for him to take out his frustrations
about the situation.
He started feeling normal again,
his confidence was up
and that helped him
start tackling some of the other things
on his list that he either
neglected or never even started
because he got so obsessed with Ashley.
So, this is where our current viewer
our most recent viewer
might find an aha moment
by focusing on himself.
Stan not only
got over Ashley
and started feeling better about himself and his life.
He realized
that it did take a little while
for him to stop missing
certain aspects of being with Ashley
before he found a new girlfriend.
But he realized
he was able to see clearly enough to realize
Ashley wasn't a good match for him.
There were things about their relationship
that were not in alignment
with his goals and values and dreams in life.
But as you know
when you find someone who's a
awesome cuddle buddy
and then some, ignore those things.
Key point,
when Stan started doing those things in his life
that were for his own
self-development and betterment
many of which he had to get out of his comfort zone to do
his perception of himself
changed for the better.
Taking specific actions
where it mattered most in his life
ended up not only improving his life
but improving his confidence,
improving his market value as a man.
And even more importantly
his self-perception
of his market value as a man
and when he did he no longer
acted needy and desperate
because he no longer was needy and desperate.
Now, if the "Stan"
I’m talking about is watching this
please share your story in the comments
so others can learn and be encouraged
by your positive experience.
And if you haven't got my program
get on it.
Thanks for being here, God bless.
(Music)