In the words of our Lord and Saviour Lady Gaga,
"Hands up to the sky. I'll be your galaxy."
Up and away!
-Wow. -It's quite slow.
It's really got some speed to it.
Tayce, do you know what? Five years in the making,
we've been apart for quite some time,
but it's so good to be reunited with you.
I mean who'd have thought? You, me, us, like this.
Netflix just pushed us into a taxi,
and we've ended up in some random place.
We're gonna be doing something
based around a Netflix show, but…
Wait.
Uh…
We're at the zoo.
Getting animalistic, are we, girl? Who'd have thought?
We're going to The zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you?
Do you think we're doing the real-life Squid Game?
I don't want to die today, so let's forget that.
-Red light. -Green light.
But what about some Nailed It kind of vibe?
Bake a penguin cake?
Well, I hope we're only doing vegan baking.
It would be offensive if we were at a zoo baking.
What about something like
David Attenborough vibes, Planet Earth.
-Sir David, are you here? -David, are you with us?
-No. -Okay. He's still with us.
He's still with us. He's not with us right now.
Okay.
Go on, go on, go on.
-What? -Is it Tiger King?
-Is it Tiger King? -Yes, Tiger King 2.
Two. Part two, the remix.
When you think you've seen it all,
you haven't quite seen it all.
You have a prepaid call from…
Joe Exotic.
Right. Let's go find the tigers.
The lions. The bears.
-Oh, my. -All of them.
But first, let's go see some penguins. Fabulous divas.
-Let's go! -Come on!
-Oh, yeah. At the zoo. -We're at the zoo!
Day at the zoo. Can you believe?
-Hi! -Hello!
Welcome to ZSL London Zoo!
-How are you? -Thanks for having us.
So good. It's early, but we don't care.
We're at a bloomin' zoo.
-Excited? -Yes.
I just can't hide it.
-My name's Jodie. -I'm Cheryl.
-I'm Tayce, baby. -Know what you're doing?
Something to do with animals.
You're helping us with some tasks.
-A little bit of cleaning. -Oh.
-Going in with some animals. -Camp.
Doing a bit of zookeeper work for today.
I'm ready to get down and dirty. Gloves on, boots on.
Do you have any experience with animals?
I used to have eight snakes, chameleons…
-Eight?! -Praying mantises… Yeah.
I'm down, I'm good.
And a praying mantis?
My mum overfed it and its belly exploded,
and it died.
Yeah, enough about that.
Are you ready to meet some animals?
Yes! Oh my God.
I'm ready to see them roar, ready to see them pounce.
Oh yes, baby.
The zoo life chose us today and I am ready, baby.
-Show me the beast. -Show me the money.
Very excited. Come with me!
Let's keep it 100.
Us drag queens, we can adapt to any situation.
Oh yeah.
Put us in a bar where there's no stage…
We're the bartenders, the performers, the cleaners.
We will make any situation work,
so throwing us in a zoo,
we are the zoo.
Come on, London Zoo. ZSL, let me hear you scream.
Over and out.
The first thing we're doing,
the most important part of our day…
We're cleaning up some poo!
Yeah!
-Absolutely. -Oh…
You'll love it.
-I've got to ask. -Uh-huh.
Is it wet poo or pebbly poo?
Ooh.
It's like tiny Maltesers, it's really easy to clean.
-Oh, okay. -Don't mistake it, Tayce.
Just have a little poo-pile snowball fight. Poo!
I'm ready, got my gloves on, let's rock and roll, baby.
Wow. Okay, we're doing this.
This is something. Oh, yes.
Round round Baby, round round
Let's rake, girl. Come on.
Oh. Wait a minute.
We're gonna step all over it. Jesus Christ.
Okay.
Does it smudge if you tread on it?
Well, I don't really want to find out, to be honest.
It's quite dry.
-It's not too bad. -Kinda like your vagina.
Excuse me, lady.
You're meant to be on the bloody pooper-scooper.
-Nice and dry. -No, you didn't pick it up!
Go on. It's just a bit of poo, Cheryl.
Do you know what?
We've just got to embrace it.
-Chookie. -Go on, girl.
Wait, I'm brushing it and it's doing nothing.
You're stepping on it.
I thought we were gonna be on food.
I thought I was gonna be a dinner lady.
Chookie, I don't believe
that you are a tidy person in the slightest.
Listen, I can be tidy when I want.
Organised mess.
Organised chaos, that's what I say.
I will say that Tayce used to
put her makeup brushes in a McDonald's cup,
and travel to the gig
with her stuff in a Sainsbury's carrier bag.
Still do, sometimes.
-You do not! -I do, I do.
I put it in the nice Louis luggage,
but inside is your Sainsbury's bag,
your bag for life, your Tesco's bag.
Little bit of Aldi, little bit of Lidl.
You got your creams, your foundations,
your powders, your lipsticks.
A bag for life really is for life, isn't it, chookie?
Exactly.
And it's not just for life: it's for Christmas.
-Right, time to shovel? -Yep.
You need to bring it in here, girl,
bring it in here.
Come on, you can do it. I believe, I believe.
Yes, yes!
Yes! Yes!
Bam!
Uh, excuse me. Look at the Peeping Tom.
You made this mess. You want trouble,
my gosh, you're gonna get it in spade-loads, my love.
Which one of you did a bloody shit?
Disgusting!
Still a good three piles here.
-Jeez Louise. -Right, come on. Let's…
There's a few strays. I'll bring 'em in.
Yeah, come on, come on, good girl.
Attagirl, Kim!
Oh, that was a good one.
Right, no, I think we can do this.
All in one, yes!
Yep, yep, yep.
Right, one more. One more for luck.
We're doing it for London Zoo,
for the giraffes.
I'm not gonna lie,
pooper-scooping isn't the most challenging job.
It's not. It's not runny and all over the place,
it was kind of compact and neat.
It was a Malteser.
You know when you open the box of Maltesers
and they scatter everywhere?
You've gotta pick them up. We were just doing the same.
-Exactly, yeah. -Just not eating them.
Follow me, we're gonna get some food for the giraffes.
-Oh, morning brekkie! -Come on then, girl.
So, in here we have got…
-The dunny. -The lovely…
-Fermented leaves. -Oh.
You can have a nice smell, if you like.
Oh!
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
It's like that scene in Bridesmaids where she's…
Look away, Megan!
The fermented leaves weren't a problem.
I thought it just smelt like really, really high-end tea.
Like strong-as-hell tea.
That's a different kind of tea, Mama.
I'm not sure what I prefer, this or the poo.
Oh, wow.
I'm just a little girl.
I'm not strong enough for this.
It smells like your tights.
That's absolutely disgraceful.
I won't take that, not in here, not like this.
Yeah.
Oh, yes.
Oh yes, that's right.
On the runways of every fashion show
next year, these.
The new handbag.
Taking in…
Taking the world by storm.
-Off to the BRIT Awards. -Oh yes, here we go.
-Go on, get it in. -Yes.
Yes. Mm-hm.
Uh-huh. Oh.
Oh, one arm, okay.
I like your style. Gorgeous.
-Ooh, no. -That's enough.
That's enough for me, I'm done.
Okay.
Oh! The little ears.
So we're gonna clip them
on a little machine that takes them up in the air,
so the giraffes can eat them high up
like they would with the trees in the wild.
This is a full-blown buffet. Let's do it.
What an experience!
Right. Do you want us to just put it anywhere?
You can clip it on here or on the actual clip.
-There you go. -Right, that's one done.
Two.
-Bam! -There we go.
We're on. We're in. We're locked and loaded.
In the words of our Lord and Saviour Lady Gaga,
"Hands up to the sky. I'll be your galaxy."
Up and away!
-Wow. -It's quite slow.
It's really got some speed to it.
-I thought it'd be a bit… -Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah. -It's not too dramatic.
That was a lovely send-off, thank you Cheryl.
-The power drag. -The power drag.
I'm not gonna lie,
I feel like we're at a funeral
for our fermented leaves.
Bye!
It was a nice life. We had some good times.
Au revoir.
Adios,
amigo.
Or amiga.
-Grub's up. -Come on, chookie.
Good morning.
-Hello, baby. -Oh, yes, bitch.
Good morning, divalina.
Gorgeous lady-girl.
Did you have a gorgeous sleep?
Straight for my ball.
So glam.
I would love a giraffe tongue.
What for?
Cheryl Hole.
Oh, wow.
Have I made it too challenging for them?
I think you stuffed your ball a bit too tight,
Chezzy Hole.
-Oh, go on. Oh, yeah. -Get that tongue in there.
You've done this before, missy.
This ain't my first time at the zoo.
The giraffes will always gravitate towards
the diva that's put the most passion into their projects,
and of course,
I shoved those fermented leaves
into that ball, and I just think
they went, "There's so much passion in this."
-Wow. -"It's radiating."
Okay, let's go with that. Mm-hm.
I'm not gonna lie,
I'm very proud of everything that we've just done,
because, look.
This diva is enjoying the fermented leaves.
At the end of the day,
if we didn't wake up this morning
and come to this zoo,
scoop up that poop and stuff those balls,
these giraffes wouldn't be eating today.
I know.
And I think that's a beat that we can all dance to.
I mean, the giraffes were a bit tentative with us,
coming out.
A bit diva. They were a bit diva vibes, weren't they.
-Takes one to know one. -Not quite the GC Diva.
No, not quite the CH, but…
Ready to find out what we're meeting?
-Born ready, baby. -Let's go.
-I'm ready when you are. -Lions? Tigers? Bears?
Oh, it's a bit muddy. Oh!
Ooh, it's little meerkats!
Aw, baby!
Watch my rolls overspill.
Hello, chookie.
I'm just gonna pop some delicious celery,
I'm gonna pop some in your hands,
and they're gonna take it out of your hand.
Go on, baby.
-Right little claws. -Oh, yes.
Oh, they're so cute!
Didn't think you'd be doing this today, did you?
What's that in your lap?
It's a meerkat.
We've got Timon, because you can't have meerkats
without calling one of them Timon.
There's Timon, does that make me Pumbaa?
You've gotta work for it.
You want a hot body, a Bugatti, a Maserati,
you gotta work, work, clean version.
You've got very sharp little claws.
We need to take you to the salon.
Excuse me, don't bite me.
Thank you very much.
I loved the meerkats.
I've never been one for having animals on my lap.
So to have one just, you know, jump on,
jump on here,
I was like, let's just do it, get stuck in.
You only do this once in a lifetime.
Why not go out with a bang?
Wait, are the bugs actually--
Yeah, we've got some live bugs
that we're gonna feed them.
Don't worry, I won't put these in your hands.
These are just going on the floor.
I don't like this bit.
It's raining bugs.
I thought the meerkats were so good, so cute.
I'd deffo come back and feed them once a week. Why not?
Maybe once a month. Once a month.
-Wash their paws first. -Yeah.
We're gonna take you to meet an animal
that's a bit bigger,
but we're gonna go via another animal first.
I'm not normally a size queen, but let's go bigger.
Is it snakes, like,
a lot of snakes hanging from you or something?
-I'm a slithery snake. -You love snakes.
Not quite.
-Uh… -One more guess?
Oh wait, wait, wait, I know exactly where we are.
We're here to see the lemur-demurs.
-Come on then. -Got some just up here.
Look at those tails, they're so fabulous.
Oh my God.
Hello, gorgeous.
Gorgey little chookies.
I feel like if I sat like that,
I'd let out a big fat fart.
You still would, you still do.
Still could do right now.
So they'll do something called stink fights,
when they fight for dominance.
-Oh no. -The stinkiest one wins.
They're the most dominant. Are you giving it a try?
Tayce, you're the winner today.
Excuse me. Speak for yourself, chookie.
How dare you?
I'm not gonna have this trouble in this zoo.
-Oh, hello. -Oh yes, you better, bitch.
-What are they eating? -What's on the menu?
Some lovely corn.
All it's missing is some hummus.
Oh yes, this is pretty fabulous.
I wanna dance to their chomping noises, it's like…
React.
It felt like it was gonna pounce on my face.
Oh, go on.
I love it.
It's like that Madonna music video.
Are you ready to jump? Get ready to jump
-Maybe I'm a lemur. -Maybe you are a lemur.
Come on, pounce off, Chezzy.
Come on, girl. Oh yes.
I've not seen an animal today move as quick as them.
And it's like me trying to get out
before everybody leaves the O2 Arena.
You just gotta get up and go.
Before there's a health and safety concern
on your hands.
-Yes! -No!
This is quite the ensemble.
Imagine if this was a drag queen?
Like, wouldn't you be, like, "Wow, look at her."
She's got it all, and I want it.
It's like a train that you can turn into a scarf.
How they wrap it around their necks
is just so fabulous. These must have been
drag queens in a previous life.
Or maybe they're just drag queens now.
Isn't everybody a drag queen these days?
I mean…
I thought the lemurs were stunning.
Those long glamourous tails, I mean, honey.
And you can change that from a tail to a scarf.
I mean… Blew my mind.
One more surprise for you.
The best part of the day, the grand finale.
-Are you ready? -Yes!
I'm ready, and I said that with some determination.
Born ready, baby. Let's go.
-Let's go. -Come on.
Oh yes.
Alexa, play "Roar".
Aren't they glorious? Aren't they majestic?
So grand. What beautiful beasts.
-Look at the penguins. -They're gorgeous. So cute.
It's like me after a Chinese buffet.
-Waddle, waddle. -Waddle, waddle, baby.
Look at them go.
We're not gonna meet the tigers today,
but we can meet the lovely penguins!
This is a winner winner, chicken dinner,
and I'm not gonna die, so…
-These are your favourites. -Yes!
You might be able to stroke one.
I'll let you know which ones like a stroke.
Some of them like to be touched in different places.
-Oh, don't we all! -Saucy minx indeed.
You can do it, Bruce!
There you go.
She's gonna eat your gloves.
She likes the gloves.
Shall we try some non-gloved hands?
I think, yeah.
-It's the gloves. -There we go.
Clearly can't handle the gloves.
No glove, no love, baby.
Look at me, being the penguin whisperer.
-Very maternal. -Mother Teresa.
Darling.
She's called Primrose.
Here I am, walking Primrose
Cheryl and Primrose Sitting in a tree
Not K-I-S-S-I-N-G-ing
No, that would be very wrong.
Primrose, we're a match made in heaven.
Uh, no, lady.
No nippy-nooing.
I'm moving in.
Bring in the luggage!
'Cause the penguins love me so much, I'm a bit biased.
I love my fans, I like to give back to the fans.
So the penguins were my fave.
Your bestie, your new best friend.
-Here we go, darling. -There we go.
Feeling a bit left out, I'm not gonna lie.
Seems like they don't really have a thing for
black vinyl PVC gloves.
I mean, they just love the touch of the diva's hands.
You know, came out to see some penguins,
and they don't like me, so, great.
I might as well pack it up now and bugger off home.
Do you know what? I'm not gonna lie.
I think we should be employed by the zoo.
Ten out of ten, I'd say, all the way.
I mean, look at the grace,
the decorum, the outfits, the effort.
I mean, honey. Zookeepers. Come on.
Let it be known. Let it be shown.
The TP. The Total Package.
So, give me the verdict, baby.
How did we do?
You did great!
I think you can come work with us.
Oh my God, we're employed! We've passed probation.
You can scoop as much poo as you like.
One Tuesday a month, I could be down.
I'm down.
You'll live with the penguins.
These are my babies. These are my children.
I can tell.
And I believe the children are the future.
Teach them well, and let them lead the way.
Well, we got our lovely little tents over here.
I mean, let's hope we can fit.
You'll fit. I won't.
Well, honey, they hate my fingers,
so you're good to go, really, darling.
Everybody loves your fingers.
Excuse me, that's a story for another day, missy.
Oh, it's been a fabulous old time.
Me and Chezzy, coming up to the zoo,
for your nerve and pleasure,
playing around with animals, having the best old time.
You can't complain.
Reunited and it feels so good.
Feels so right.
But I'm not gonna lie,
those sofas were starting to hurt my back
in the Granny living room,
so I'm glad that I'm out and about,
using my limbs.
Clickety clacks.
Oh yes. It's been gorgeous, hasn't it, girl?
Dear executives at Netflix,
I hope you're proud,
I hope you've enjoyed everything that we've done.
Our blood, sweat and tears went into this zookeeping,
so come on.
Have us back. You know you want to.
-You asking for it? -You're dying for it!
I think, Tayce, it's only appropriate
that we skip on out of this gorgeous zoo.
-Shall we? -Shall we?
-Come on. -Let's go, girl.
Until next time.
Peace out, London Zoo.
Thank you, divas.
-Good night! -Cheers, ZSL!