Quick question: Would you be able to tell if your partner was trying to manipulate you?
Well, let's see if you can spot the body language and verbal clues that Jada Pinkett revealed
when talking to Will Smith about her cheating:
In this video you are going to learn:
Number One - Manipulation clues hidden in Jada Pinkett's behavior,
Number Two - The nonverbal evidence that tells us Will Smith does not feel comfortable with
her
Number Three - One powerful tip that you can use if you find out your partner is trying
to manipulate you.
Pinkett and Smith sat down in her show Red Table to open up about her affair with rapper
August Alsina.
This relationship happened over a period when Pinkett and Smith were separated.
And one of the things she wanted to clear up, was about the media saying that she did
it under Smiths' permission.
The scandal began in June 30th, when Alsina was interviewed by Angela Yee. In that interview,
he said:
“I actually sat down with Will and had a conversation due to the transformation from
their marriage to life partnership … he gave me his blessing … I totally gave myself
to that relationship for years of my life”.
So, not only Jada Pinkett had an affair, but apparently Smith was OK with that? Let’s
find out.
Before we get started, I'm sure you can help me support my channel liking this video and
hitting the subscribe button so you don’t miss any of my body language analysis.
During the conversation, they had very different attitudes, especially when talking about the
reasons behind her having a relationship outside her marriage.
As in every body language analysis you have to start with a bird's eye view of the attitudes
of both.
And the easiest way to do this, is through their posture. But we have a problem: this
video is supposed to be a candid conversation between two spouses; a live moment to open
up and come clean about what happened.
But if you remember my analysis of Myka Stauffer's apology, you'll notice something similar and
very odd in the way this video is edited.
This was not a spontaneous conversation and you can tell this thanks to the heavy editing
jumps that you can spot throughout the video.
Here, for example. Pinkett shows a gesture that ends right in front of her chest. And
then the video is cut to a shot where you can see the same gesture from one side, right?
But in this shot her hand is *not* in front of her. It's to her side, in front of her
shoulder. Those were two different moments that were edited to appear continuous.
Another clue of heavy video editing is one shot where we see her sitting over her legs
crossed and almost immediately we see one of her feet planted to the ground.
I must say, it looked like a fluid conversation but it's not, it has been edited. And the
problem with video editing is that you try to convey sincerity, but to be sincere you
have to be spontaneous,
And those cuts are telling us that this was not a spontaneous conversation.
And I wonder, how many times do you think they have talked about this in private? easily,
dozens of times. In fact, Smith is clear about it:
- Our experience of working through it, fighting through it, talking through it... er... therapizing
Now you sit in front of a camera and you can't have a fluid conversation about it?
If a couple can't talk spontaneously about a problem that suppossedly they have overcome,
it's because it still hurts.
And if the problem still hurts, you have to compare each other's attitude to that framing.
In that sense, the first question is wether or not Pinkett feels pain or regret about
this.
But through the whole video she’s focused on downplaying what she did. And using several
manipulation techniques for that.
So let’s go through these manipulation clues so you can spot them if someone, including
your partner, uses them on you.
For example: She says “there’s people’s feelings involved”. She doesn’t say “your
feelings”, or “my feelings” or “our feelings”
She talks impersonally so it doesn’t hurt as much. Shortly after, she does the hands
over chest gesture.
Other times I’ve told you: do this gesture yourself and find out what do you feel when
you hold it a few seconds.
It’s a rather histrionic gesture used to show an emotion rather than reflect an actual
emotion that you’re feeling.
She repeats the same the same gesture, with more intensity, later on. She’s trying to
show an emotion. That she cares, that she feels, but her face never expresses that feeling.
You start to notice that she’s really trying to downplay the situation when she says,
“there’s a lot of stuff going in the world right now… this is minuscule”. She’s
trying to frame their problem on a global scale, of course it is going to appear minuscule.
But that’s another thing manipulators do; trying to frame a problem in such a way so
you feel you are overreacting. Things are not that bad, after all.
Smith remains calm and even playful most of the time, but right after Pinkett says the
words “This is a very personal journey that became very public”, he responds “absolutely”
through his teeth.
- Absolutely
That is suppressed anger. Even when he has nothing to hide, he’s really upset of this
situation gone public.
That is a dissonance because all the time they’re trying to act like this is no big
deal and they are over it. Right?
So there’s a deeper emotion that he’s trying to hide, and he shows it for a split
second when he says "I was done with you", referring to the difficult times they've been
through. In that instant he raises his chin, defiantly, but still keeps his eyes low.
He really thought they were done at that moment.
The other way she tries to frame her cheating is stating several times that they were not
together at the moment.
But even as Smith tries to soften it, she is adamant about it.
- Basically, we broke up
- That particular point in time, it was indefinite
- We were over
And it’s funny that she tries three times to be extremely clear about this, because
when she is going to talk about what she actually did, she uses the word “entanglement”.
And she says that word because Smith asks her, “What did you do, Jada” Right after
that question we can clearly see that Smith clenches his jaw.
Once again, he is upset about what happened.
There's also the clue of Smith's breathing patterns. You can measure someones' anxiety
and stress over a topic if their breathing pattern changes.
And as they were getting into the subject of the cheating, there's a change in his breathing.
A way of spotting these changes is paying attention to the shoulders.
That’s one of the few moments when Smith’s attitude changes from playful to serious.
He says: “I think you need to say clearly what happened”
But sends two conflicting signals: he puts his hand palm down over the table, and that
gesture projects that “I’m serious”, but at the same time he lowers his gaze showing
insecurity.
And she actually answers: “As far as what?” She plays dumb right before repeating, “entanglement”,
and that’s when he corrects her, playfully, that it was no entanglement. It was a relationship.
You can actually feel the difference between the two attitudes. She had her chin up, looking
straight at him, while he can’t hold his gaze and has his shoulders dropped.
You see an attitude of defiance in her, as in “what I did was no big deal”, and he
tries to correct her but with very low confidence.
Then she tries to make it clear that nobody gave her permission to do what she did. And
she says it very strongly, very emphatically. Almost proud of it.
- You know, the only person that can give permission... in that particular circumstances
is myself
- Yes, exactly
Smith's reaction is a rapid succession of three emotions. First a neutral face, then
a playful smile, and then a bit of sadness. Those successions usually happen as an emotional
reaction to something you heard, and in fact he was going to say something else because
he parted his lips for a split second.
Now, writing this analysis I got some comments in my social networks, like: "There's nothing
to see here, they've had an open relationship for ages", "It could be polyamory", "They
got over it a long time ago"
And... that is precisely my question.
If apparently everybody knows they're in an open relationship, and they had problems
a few years ago but already got over them, then why make this video?
It can only mean that what Alsina said is true, they didn't want the public to know
and when the media storm started, they had to do some crisis management.
Anyway, she tried again to downplay what had happened with phrases like "I was in a lot
of pain" and "It felt great to help heal somebody", and of course this last sentence sparked a
lot of jokes about her healing abilities.
But just for the record: she talks about codependency, and there's actually something called the
Savior Complex that is a psychological construct that creates an imbalance and forces people
to look for others to take care of them, heal them or... save them in any way.
But again, that's a very cruel way to justify what she did.
She also states that she's really grateful for that lesson, and once again she doesn't
have any emotion on her face...
- And I think that that whole process with Aug show me that and taught me that, and I'm
really grateful for that lesson.
...much less when she says: "I actually don't look it as a transgression at all"
- I actually don't look at it as a transgression at all
As you can see, she has over and over again reframed, minimized, justified what she did
with outrageous and even absurd arguments, and that's what manipulators do. And you can
see by the pain in Smith's eyes that he's totally in love with her and she knows it.
And when a manipulator knows that they have this power over someone, they know they can
get away with almost anything even in a public statement.
And to help themselves get away with it, they are going to show gestures like showing their
palms a lot, like saying I come in peace, I'm innocent, I'm clean.
And Smith is totally convinced. He even says "There's a real power just in knowing that
somebody is riding with you no matter what." And at that moment he reaches out with his
foot.
Then there's something that Smith says that I don't get. He says, "I'm going to get you
back". Are not they in good terms already? That would be a nice discussion in the comments.
In fact, she answers: "you don't have to get me back, you already got me back." But mere
seconds after she says "I don't think it's about getting anybody back" and he responds:
"no, for me, it is".
- No, but I... and I don't think is about getting anybody back
- No, for me, it is
- Ok
He really means that he wants her back. But look at his expression when he says "25 years
and counting".
- 25 years and counting
It's a really sad expression. There's a huge conflict inside him.
And to top it all off, she uses a power manipulation technique. She says:
"I didn't know if you would be willing to find the deep capacity to love me"
Wow. That is one great example of narcissism disguised as praise.
He just answers with a naive question: How am I doing?
And she responds "You're doing great", but she says no with her head.
And the powerful tip that you can use if you feel that someone is trying to downplay something,
is the same as Smith when he did not accept the term entanglement.
He made it clear that she had a relationship. And that's very important. Do not surrender
to the use of confusing or ambiguous words. Make it clear yourself.
"What you really want to say, what you really mean, is this and this".
That way you take some power off the manipulator.
Did you see any other clue in the video? if you want to learn all the body language secrets,
all you have to do is like this video and subscribe so you don't miss any of my analysis.