- So a guy asks you out for Saturday,
and now it's Thursday
and he hasn't confirmed exactly what the plan is.
How can you confirm the date without sounding desperate?
That's exactly what we're gonna talk about today.
Keep watching.
(gentle music)
Hey, I'm Mat Boggs,
and I'm the founder of the Love and Relationships Division
of the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission
is "empowering people to create and live a life they love."
So if you're new to this channel or you love this video,
go ahead and click the little subscribe button
and the little bell
because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
So this question comes up a lot
both in the comments of these videos,
but also with my coaching clients,
where they say "how can I confirm a date
and not sound desperate?
I wanna do it in a cool, classy way."
Well, you may not know this,
but a guy's experience is really interesting.
Why do guys hesitate on sending you all the plans
for the date
or locking in something specific?
What's fascinating is that guys have actually been trained
to not do this by their dating experiences.
We'll pull back the curtain for a moment.
Look at this,
when a guy sends a woman all the plans,
like he says, hey,
let's go out next Saturday.
And on Sunday he says,
here, let's go hiking,
we're gonna meet at this time, at this place,
he will often get resistance from the woman.
She'll say, "oh,
that sounds good.
Let me wait and I'll confirm with you."
And so men have actually found it more advantageous
to create loose plans because the woman,
she doesn't know exactly how she's gonna feel on Saturday,
if she wants to go hiking or what she wants to do.
And so if he makes it a bit more vague
and then locks in the specifics of the plan
later in the week,
he has more success of her actually agreeing and saying yes.
Now, I know that might not be you.
I know that you might like to know earlier versus later,
but it's important that you understand the frame
and the experience that guys are having
and why they're waiting longer to confirm.
Now, here's an important premise.
It is really hard to screw up the right thing.
In other words,
you could pretty much send the right guy
any kind of message
and he's gonna take it the right way.
It's hard to screw up the right thing
when it's the right guy.
And the reason I share that with you
is just to give you a sense of relaxation,
take the pressure off.
Now, if you want specific things to say,
I'm gonna share with you three strategies
that you can use that'll make it easy for you,
but allow yourself to use these strategies
in the sense of calm and peace,
knowing that whatever you send,
if it's the right guy,
he's gonna take it the right way.
So I'm gonna share with you several options right now
and I want you to decide
if you believe this is a great text to send.
Here we go,
option number one.
- [Woman] "Hey, I'm holding Saturday for you.
Are we still on?"
(buzzer beeping)
- Now, again, the right guy,
he's gonna take this text okay.
But if you're looking for a great text,
I wouldn't send this one
because it doesn't come across as confident.
You're questioning, "are we still on?"
The confident woman assumes that you're still on.
How about this next text?
- [Woman] "Hey there, I have other guys
who are asking me out.
Let me know if we're still on
or I'm gonna have to say yes to somebody else."
(buzzer beeping)
- Yeah, probably not the best text to send.
It's too cold and it's too threatening.
It's like, hey, Bob,
I'm gonna go in another direction
if you don't confirm with me right now.
And while it's probably true,
you do have other guys asking you out,
there's a different way to communicate
that will get a better result.
All right, let's take a look at this third option.
- [Woman] "Hey, Mr. Busy,
you plan on sharing the details for Saturday?" (laughs).
(buzzer beeping)
- Yeah, probably wouldn't send this one either
because this one comes across passive aggressive.
You're trying to be funny,
but at the same time,
we can sense that you're irritated in this text.
So I wouldn't send any of those texts,
instead use these three strategies.
Number one, come from love abundance.
Love abundance is about having choice,
knowing that things can work out with this guy.
And if they don't,
there's another guy that they're gonna work out with.
You've got lots of choices and lots of options.
That helps put you in a relaxed state,
and love abundance is about,
this isn't just about getting,
this is about giving,
and what can you bring to the experience as well?
How can you have a great time
and help him have a great time as well?
That energy and that state of generosity
and gratitude and options
creates a beautiful vibration
from which you're communicating.
Step two is to affirm your interest in him.
And this is really easy to do,
simply open a text with hey, handsome,
or hey, sexy.
Hey gorgeous, hey you,
any of those lets him know that you like him to some degree,
that you're interested in him,
you're attracted to him.
All those things feel really good to a guy.
Remember, he's looking for your interest.
He's looking that you would like to go out with him,
so that's a very positive thing to open out of the gate.
Now, if you would love other phrases,
other things that you can text him,
I've got a great texting guide,
"How to Text Guys."
And it gives you texts for all different kinds of scenarios
that you would love.
It's a gift from me to you.
I'll link it up next to this video,
click that link,
download that guide
because I'm sure there are gonna be texts in there
that you can use and that you'll love.
And step number three is assume he's still in.
Assume that he still wants to go out with you,
assume that he's excited about Saturday.
Just assume that energy,
and whatever you get back is way better
when you lead with that energy.
So you can send something like,
hey, sexy, looking forward to getting together on Saturday,
what's the plan?
What's great about this kind of a text
is it's direct enough
that you are put in a position of confidence,
being empowered,
and you're gonna absolutely the information
that you're looking for.
Now, here's a caveat.
Don't wait to send this text
until you're already irritated
that he hasn't sent you the plan
because that's just gonna carry your irritation.
If you wait until Friday
and you're just steaming
because he hasn't set the plan up with you
and he's just like all the other guys,
that's not gonna be the vibe
with which you wanna send a text.
Better to send the text earlier.
Let's say it's Tuesday
and you wanna know the plan for Saturday,
send them this text, say, "hey,
I'm looking forward to getting together on Saturday.
What's the plan?"
The guy who is resisting sending you the plan
because he didn't wanna scare you off
now has a big green light from you to send you the plan.
And it'll either go one of two ways.
He'll give you the plan
or you'll learn that he's not really that interested
in going out on Saturday.
Better to learn that earlier
because now you're able to set up a new date on Saturday.
So there you have it,
the three strategies that can help you confirm a date
without sounding desperate.
So my question for you
is what strategies have you found
for confirming a date without sounding desperate?
Go ahead and put those strategies
in the comment section below.
This community is brilliant and amazing
and they love to share,
so I encourage you to check out those comments
because you guys always come up
with amazing additional insights.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching and I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)