i'm good i'm good i'm good
i can't play music and it's raining so hello
i'm driving in the rain i'm driving in the rain it's not a glorious feeling
but i have to do it or else i'm gonna get out of practice and then i'm gonna start
having panic attacks every time i get in the car again whether i'm driving or not
all of that effort and i'm just now about to get out of my neighborhood
so nice person was waiting for me i mean i do have the right of way but i still wave it people okay
we are
driving in the rain so where am i going i'm going to starbucks
oh squirrel don't run in the middle of the road i'm going to starbucks
because i promised myself that next time i drove i would get myself a little treat
there's going to be a lot of cursing i apologize all right we're going we're going we're going
why did you have to fall anyway i only have to be on an actual road for like
two seconds we are safe we are sound i am okay this is easy i've done this drive a
million times why are we already stopping the light is all the way up there what though okay
it's fine it's fine everything's fine i'm not nervous anxiety nope don't know her
is on my dick because i'm so low i should preface i'm not saying and like singing all of these
things because i'm trying to be entertaining i just get so anxious when i'm in the car
that i have to like um constantly occupy my mind with random [ __ ] because if i get two in my head
that's when the anxiety kind of starts to like manifest itself so i just like whatever pops into
my mind i freaking i'm gonna say it because who cares first of all and also it is slightly helpful
which is also why i brought you with me so you are welcome and i'm not gonna look at my phone again
until we are at a stop sign here we are we're at a stop sign and we're stopped hi you look cute
aw hi can i get a grande iced chai latte with oat milk oh no worries can i do almond milk thank you
we did it we have acquired the coffee that's not even coffee freaking shy oh nice we've got a
parking spot with a view of absolutely nothing so let's do a little let's just do a little first sip
yeah yeah that's good so i'm gonna film from both my phone and my camera just in case the audio
is really shitty on one of them it's a good plan right so i got this car in february of 2020 and i
maybe drove it like three or four times before the panera happened and then once you know april hit
i i stopped needing to drive like anywhere like i didn't have my acting class to go to i didn't have
anything so i just literally didn't drive for months on end i would drive like every once in a
while like i think i've only filled up this car's tank three times four times it's been a year it's
been a literal year but then in december i got a letter saying that i had to report for jury duty
everyone's favorite right and i knew i wanted to get back into driving and i figured like jury duty
would be a good excuse to start driving again because i would have to like go on a highway
and like drive on main roads and stuff like that and it would be like a fair drive i would have
a panic attack any time i started driving like it was really it was really freaking difficult y'all
and then jury duty ended up being cancelled anyway so but i went on medication because i knew that i
didn't want my anxiety to always be like this bad she's medicated now thank you zoloft i am
a pfizer girl my vaccine is pfizer and i'm on zoloft which is also pfizer um where was i where
was i in my story so it kept getting worse to the point where i could like literally no longer
drive myself anywhere got to the point where i was so unable to do it that i literally could not
drive out of my own neighborhood without having a panic attack yeah that's that's a little rough
and then i also got to the point where even as a passenger i couldn't be a passenger without
getting really anxious and or having a panic attack so like that's obviously not a good way
to live and then this past weekend i needed to make a little drive so i made a little drive it
was like 25 30 minutes traffic main roads the whole the whole shebang and i freaking did it
like i was so proud of myself i got myself some duncan like i i was a donut and coffee like i
treated myself but now that i'm driving again i don't want to freaking get to that point where
i like go such a long time without driving that my body and like my brain is no longer used to it and
freaks out when i get in the car so i give myself a little treat and today that treat is starbucks
that was a really long explanation for why i got starbucks i'm gonna sit here and i'm gonna enjoy
my starbees in the rain in a parking lot and then i might drive around a little bit later some more
i also want to talk about the fact that like for a bit i kind of beat myself up because i was like
okay i should be able to drive like it's so simple to just drive like it's not that big
of a deal it would have been a lot harder of a process to like get myself back used to driving
again had i not gone on medication i think it's like i think it's easy to like look back and be
like well it was easy like you just have to get in the car and drive like it's not that hard but like
no in that moment it was freaking impossible but yeah we gotta be nice to ourselves y'all we gotta
be a little kind gentle with ourselves especially if you deal with like chronic mental health issues
or any type of chronic issues you know what may seem simple for some people might not seem simple
for you and like that's chill that is a-okay because maybe one day it'll seem simple for
you again it's so pretty out watermelon sugar high watermelon sugar high i don't want to drive again
well i do want to drive again maybe i'll drive to like a different spot
look at this look at this go where shall we go
how does my phone know when i'm in the car
i just realized my lights were on that whole time thankfully i wasn't there for too long
let's talk about instantly demonetized
i'm good i'm good i'm good i'm chilling i'm fine i'm fine i've never been so relaxed in my life
i feel like i'm about to have a [ __ ] panic attack i'm okay i'm okay i'm okay i'm okay
well all right thank you guys for
hanging out with me and going on this drive with me honestly vlogging it kind of helped because it
was like okay i know i have i know i got friends with me feel free to like and subscribe the rain
is so loud right here i always love hanging out with you guys and i will see you next week
you