And instead,
you become overly emotional,
overly sensitive,
overly insecure.
And you do things that
only shoot yourself in the foot.
Or you allow yourself
to be blinded by your emotions
and not realize that
you just might be dealing with a woman
you shouldn't be dealing with.
(Music)
What's up everybody, this is Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks.
Your certified life and relationship coach.
And today I have a message for the men.
Listen, let me first start off by saying this,
a lot of you
and when I say you
I mean the women who are watching this.
You think men aren't getting hurt out here.
You think women aren't playing games out here.
But it's happening,
it's happening every day.
And the reality is that
there is toxic behavior
on both sides of the equation
when it comes to relationships, all right.
However, unfortunately,
a lot of men don't know
how to handle these situations
and get themselves damaged.
And now take that damage
and pour it into someone else.
Whether it be another woman,
whether it be a family, whether it be their kids.
I just want to throw that message out there real quick.
But let's not focus on that.
Let's shift to today's topic.
Today's topic is when she pulls away.
Now, listen, back to these guys,
men.
Here's the reality, all right.
And I want to put this within the context of
You're dealing with a woman you actually like.
You really like,
you have genuine feelings for
you have genuine serious interest in, all right.
And everything seems to be going great.
And now, all of a sudden she pulls away.
And what I've seen a lot of men do
is completely mishandle this situation
because you allow your emotions
to get the best of you.
And you don't know how to
stand strong in your masculinity.
And I want you to understand
that's a very important thing.
You've got to maintain your masculine energy,
but we'll get into that.
And instead, you become overly emotional,
overly sensitive,
overly insecure,
and you do things that
only shoot yourself in the foot.
Or you allow yourself
to be blinded by your emotions
and not realize that
you just might be dealing with a woman
you shouldn't be dealing with.
So, let's start there real quick
number one, understand this.
When she pulls away
don't panic, don't overreact,
take a deep breath, and ask yourself
is she really even for me?
Did you have genuine interest in this woman?
Or were you caught up in her beauty?
Were you caught up in the hype?
Or was there a real connection here?
Because if it was just superficial,
if it was a woman who
you just got lost in the moment with
well, then guess what?
Thank God she pulled away.
It's a blessing in disguise.
Because she was going to
only be a distraction in your life
and completely take you off the path
God wants you to be on.
So, accept that her exit
is your opportunity, all right.
Never, get beside yourself and overreact
because you're just focused in on the moment.
You've got to learn to see past that moment
and understand is this what's best right now?
But let's just say
it was a genuine situation.
And again, you had real feelings involved
and you really felt like this could be it.
Well, listen, step number one, again,
do not react.
Take a step back, think, pray, evaluate.
Understand that if the woman pulls back,
number one, it may not even be
because she's not feeling you right now.
It may be because she's scared.
You don't know what that woman has been through.
And the mistake that a lot of men make is that
you get triggered by her poor reaction.
Because the reality is it was unhealthy for her
to just pull away like that.
But as a man you've got to learn
how to properly handle this situation.
So, rather than reacting,
lashing out, getting upset,
approach her calmly with confidence.
And point out to her hey,
I noticed I'm not hearing from you.
I noticed that you seem to be more distant.
Let's talk about it.
Show your willingness to discuss the things.
Now, guess what? She may not
want to talk at that moment.
Or she may dance around the issue.
Now, listen, again do not get mad.
Don't react emotionally.
In that moment, say to her, okay, listen,
when you're ready to talk about it,
let me know.
But until then,
we can't keep doing it like this.
You've got to let her know that
there's going to be a line drawn.
That you're not going to tolerate unhealthy behavior.
If she cannot have
good proper communication with you
to help you understand what's going on
then, you don't need to be trying to
deal with this woman in the meantime.
Because what's going to happen is
you're going to now shift to trying so hard
to make sure that you're not triggering her.
You're not saying the wrong thing.
You're going to become verily
overly insecure
walking on eggshells
and you're going to drive yourself crazy.
It's not healthy.
So, if she is unwilling to take
a better more effective approach in that moment,
let her go.
You are letting her go in love
not in lashing out,
not in teaching her a lesson,
not in being bitter.
In simply understanding that
maybe right now is not the time for her.
And cool, if it's not, so be it.
But the whole time,
you maintain a mature approach.
You maintain a positive masculine energy
to the situation.
When you do that,
one, you will gain her respect.
And you will allow yourself to have an opportunity
to reconcile the situation
when the time is right.
But so many men in that moment,
because of that overreaction,
because of letting emotions get the best of them,
you end up pouring more negativity into situation.
If she's scared,
you just gave her more reasons to be scared.
If she was damaged,
you just added more damage to her life.
You are shooting yourself in the foot
when you allow your emotions
to get the best of you.
So, you've got to make sure
again, take a step back.
But more importantly,
if you're a believer talk to God.
He knows what's going on whether you can see,
whether you can understand or not.
God can lead you in that situation.
Do not let your boys tell you how to handle it,
do not let some other women tell you how to handle it.
Because I've got stories for days
of women sabotaging those situations.
Because she may secretly want you,
or she may feel like
that woman doesn't deserve you
from her own perception
and her advice is biased.
So, you got to be careful about
who you allow to guide you in that moment.
The one person, the one thing
that can guide you properly is God.
I'm giving you some advice
but I still want you to pray about this.
But again, when she pulls away,
don't internalize it.
Don't assume it's about you or what you lack.
It may simply be that you know what?
Maybe you guys aren't for each other.
It may be that she's so into you that
she don't know how to handle it right now.
Either way just stay calm, stay cool,
focus on what you need to do,
focus on what God wants you to do
and everything will work out as it needs to.
(Music)