- Okay, y'all, we come to the part
in all our mothering conversations talk
about mistakes in mothering.
And I thought I'll own this one because this resembles me.
Just recently, I came home and had a just a crazy, crazy,
hair on fire day, I got home my nephew is living with
us for a while, he's 20 years old, great kid.
But he doesn't have his whole frontal lobe.
So he's a little messy, and I walked in the house
and he and Missy, I mean it look like jackals
had been having a fraternity party at our house.
And you know how you just go,
It's been a really long day, I don't want to deal with
my kitchen being just wrecked, and he was running out
the door to Bible study, and so he didn't even catch.
And I thought I'm not gonna say anything now because
he's going to Bible study, so I'll tell him later.
Maybe to not be so wild, but Missy caught my face.
And Missy's real intuitive and Missy went, Mom, are you mad?
And I said, no baby. I'm not mad and she went, you look mad.
And I said, Honey, I'm just, I'm frustrated.
I said it's been a really long day, and to come home
and you and John Michael have just trashed the house.
So I know I need to clean the house.
I said, I'm just a little bit frustrated.
She goes, why are you frustrated and all my godly
went out the window and I went, because
you were both piglets, and I came home to this crap.
And I went huh, you know when you're like,
I didn't mean to say that out loud and I don't
normally say that word, I know it's not a good Bible word.
But I just I was at the end of my rope, and as soon
as I said it, I watched her shut down,
because that's how Missy deals with,
if I'm inappropriate, she will shut down and I said,
Honey, I'm really sorry, and I said shouldn't have said
you're Piglet and I shouldn't use that word.
That's an ugly word, and it was,
it was I will give you my Haitian stare.
I will not join the conversation, that's how she deals.
And I said, Okay, baby, go get the feeling chart.
And we have, you know, the chart of faces and
the face having emotion below them.
So you got a happy face, you've got sad face.
When she didn't speak English we use that chart
from we did a lot of play therapy,
and now I love that chart, sometimes I hate that chart.
But anyway, she brings the chart in and I said,
Do you want to tell me what you're feeling?
She goes, yes, ma'am, I am mad. I am sad.
I am frustrated, and I'm disappointed.
- [Laurie] Goldstar in all.
- And I was like
- Wow.
- Okay.
I said, that's totally fair.
I said, if my mama came in and told me I was a piglet
and use the word crap, I'd probably all those things, too.
And I said, so that's totally fair.
I said, is there anything I can do,
to help you move, back toward peace and joy?
She said, yes, ma'am.
I said alright.
I said besides apologizing, I had already
told her I was sorry, so what can I do and she said,
I want you to write the way you made me write because
we we've been on a plane earlier that week,
and she had been naughty on the plane,
and I didn't want to discipline or with words
with all the people around, so I was just like
you will write, the I will not.
She'd written that or notebook and I said,
Honey, that's fair. I said, you get a vote in this house.
I was inappropriate, I said, alright.
What would you like me to write?
She said, I want you to write, I will not raise my voice.
Like that's fair, using her pencil,
I will not raise my voice.
So she said several other things she wanted me to own.
The third or fourth thing was, I want you to say
I will not be sad.
And so baby, I can't write I will not be sad because
some of the stuff we're dealing with as a family right now
we've got some addiction issues with our family.
And I said some of that stuff makes me sad,
and I said, I'll tell you what I can write,
I can write I will work on being less sad, and
focus more on the hope we have in Jesus.
And she said, that's good Momma, that's good.
So anyway, we write it all, it's it's done.
It's everything's kind of reconciled, everything's good.
Two days later this, group of people came over to our house
'cause they were having a little interview
with Missy on adoption.
And so she was interviewing with them and I said,
Baby, you want me in the living room while they talk to you
or do you want me to give you privacy and
she's like, I want to do this by myself, Mama.
I was like that's cool, so I go out sit on the porch,
friend had come over, we're talking after like an hour,
the video guy comes out, and he goes,
man your kid is so intuitive.
And I was like, really 'cause a lot of times
people miss that in her, because she didn't learn English
till later, it's just easy to miss unless you really focus.
And I said, well, that's great, 'cause of course
I think she's, you know, smarter than Einstein
a little bit pathologically biased.
And he said, yeah, I mean, I was getting B roll,
in your house and the whole, I will work on being less sad.
And I said, oh, no, no, no.
That was me, She had taken it, unbeknownst to me,
taken that piece of notebook paper I'd written in pencil.
She had put it into the magnetic strip, you put their
artwork on, she had just, I mean, high, large, and charged.
Put it up there for everybody to see,
I hadn't noticed it, and I was like, oh, no, that was
all me, that was actually me,
but it was so good for me
to tell her, I'm really sorry. I'm the Mama,
I'm in charge, but it's also incumbent upon me when
I am unkind to you to say, I'm really sorry,
that wasn't okay, and I just I know people have a whole lot
of different opinions on that and some mamas think,
you don't ever let your guard down with your kids.
But I think part of earning her respect
is for me to acknowledge when I'm not being a godly Mama.
So how do y'all handle mistakes with your kids?
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