- If you like chocking, choke me.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- Cause I really will choke you.
- Sure.
- Okay. Now put your hands on your boobs. Okay, there we go.
That's how we do it.
(dramatic music)
- Good, how are you?
- Just dandy. My name is Matt.
- Matt, Saysaw.
- Saysaw?
- Yeah. Cute huh?
- Super cute.
- (laughing)
- What can you tell about me from my voice?
- I'm guessing you're a white Caucasian.
- Yeah, white as fuck.
- Okay, I can tell from the voice. What about me?
- I was going to say, probably not white.
- Definitely not.
- (laughing)
- Oh, okay. (laughing)
- Damn girl!
- You're cute. A little short but that's okay. That's okay.
- Yup, let's go.
- Yee-haw!
I've literally never played Beer Pong with beers.
- You've never played with beers?
- No.
- It's called beer pong.
- I was homeschooled actually so...oh dang.
Little bit nervous. Describe the last time you masturbated
in vivid detail for one uninterrupted minute.
Drink if you can't last a minute.
- Yeah, of course I'm going to do it.
- Okay, sweet. So I think it was last week,
and I was in bed, and I finished into some paper towels.
- I mean, what did you do it to?
- Just thinking bout like random things. (laughing)
- Like what?
- I like tall people.
- Oh, tall people. Just tall people, no...
- Tall people that are really fit.
- How was the orgasm? Was it like a...
- It was probably a 6 or 7 out of 10 I'd say.
- Like show me how it was. Face wise.
Wow! Looks like you're having a seizure but okay.
(clapping)
- You've done (mumbles). Oh man. Reenact your favorite
sex positions, roles reversed.
- I'm down.
- If you'd just sit down.
- Like right here?
- Like right there.
- Okay. How does this work?
- Well it's roles reversed, so if you think about it,
it works.
- Oh she's the...okay.
- Yeah.
(laughing)
- Okay, there we go. That's how we do it. (grunting)
(clapping)
- If I get one. Nope.
- Have you ever played before?
- Like eight times. I also took my glasses off for this,
so that's probably not helping any. Can I get my glasses?
- Oh, I see why you don't wear them. I'm kidding.
(laughing)
- Thanks, yeah. Ah, gosh dang it!
Woo, finally!
Is it a good one?
- Lick whipped cream off your opponent's foot.
- Oh, heck yeah.
- Oh, hecks no.
- You're not going to do it?
- (laughing) No.
- Oh, come on. We did our sex positions,
I talked about masturbation.
- Okay, let's do it. Jeez! Okay, no.
- Now my foot's gonna just smell like whipped cream
for like two weeks (mumbles).
- Better than what it's smelling like right now.
- Oh yeah, get the pro. Woo! Work it. Oh no!
- Ah, fuck it.
- Ah, yeah. No there's some on there still.
You got to finish that, girl.
No, you missed the part on the bottom. Oh, there you go.
Okay. Oh, it's looking pretty good. Nicely done.
(clapping)
- Was my foot clean?
- Absolutely not.
- Wasn't? Great.
- No.
- Woo! Oh, dang. If they consent, give your opponent a sexy,
sultry, believable, lap dance. If they don't consent,
give an empty chair the same experience.
- (laughing) Give it to an empty chair.
- (laughing) Woo!
- But it has to be believable.
- I've never even...
- No, you have to wave the shirt in the air. Wow.
I don't believe it.
- Well, get in the chair. (laughing)
- There you go. I won't bite. Get into it.
Touch the ground. There you go. (laughing)
(clapping)
- Sweet. Like, first loser...oh.
(laughing)
- Do a dramatic performance of your own orgasm.
Absolutely not. (laughing)
- Come on!
- Do you really want to see it?
- Sure.
- You do?
- I mean, we've done way worse things so far I think so...
- Okay, I'll show you. It's not great.
I'm telling you, it's not that great. Okay. Oh my god.
So, I'm on all fours. Say, it's a dark room right?
And then, you know, right when he hits that spot,
this is the face I make. (grunting)
Oh yeah! (laughing)
- I don't know. That was like...
- That was lame.
- I felt like that was like, yeah.
- Okay.
(laughing)
- Nice! Accidentally sext your parents.
- Last night was great. Love the way you bended over,
touched the floor.
- Gosh, dang it! (laughing)
- Wait. You gotta wait. Gotta wait.
- Seriously this is taking like, this might be the longest..
(laughing) Oh my god!
- You gotta say it!
- Hey Becky, last night was great.
Loved the way I pull your hair and smacked your ass.
Thinking of (beep) you right now.
Let me put my (beep) on you and fuck your brains out.
(laughing) I don't know how I'm going to send that, man.
- Oh, come on.
- How long have you worked at Macy's?
(laughing) Do it! Come on!
- Rub glue over your naked torso
and let your opponent shower you with glitter.
- Oh, heck yeah.
- Ahhh. Okay, fine. Fine.
- Alright. Okay, arm coming in.
- Oh my god.
- Oh yeah.
- It kinda feels like, when he like jizz on your stomach.
- Oh, I don't know what that feels like so.
- Oh!
- Woohoo! Oh yeah, just shake it on. Yeah!
(clapping)
- I like it.
- You like it? See, it looks good on you.
- Look at that.
- Oh dang, it's raining. (mumbles)
Oh dang. Cut your shirt into a cape
and wear it for the rest of your game.
Of course we're going to do that.
(laughing) Fair enough.
- You gotta go! Go! Straight! Fly!
- Woo!
(clapping)
- Oh no. Call your parents and tell them
a sex tape of yours has been leaked.
They always know what to do.
Absolutely not. My mom would kill me.
- No? Shucks.
- To plans after this?
- I'm might hangout and see how I can get some food.
If you want to get some food.
- [Girl] Yeah, let's go get some food.
- Ah, dang it! (laughing)
(loud horn and clapping)
- Yes!
- The last one? Let's see. What was it?
- I wanna know what could've happened.
- Okay. (laughing) With your opponent's consent,
make out with them for one minute.
- Dang.
Do you wanna do it?
- (laughing) No.
- No?
- Oh yeah.
(clapping)
- Nice!
- Oh, it was great. Pick up the Fear Pong game,
so you can wear capes and glitter all the time.