In this video, you will learn the 6 steps to becoming a priority in your man’s life.
So, if you’re dating a man who makes you feel more like an option than a priority,
then this is the video for you. Don’t go anywhere because we are starting right now.
hi everyone.. I’m dr Antonio Borrello and I’m a psychologist and relationship coach.
This channel is all about helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy
with the people you love. So, if you’re interested in making your love life the best
part of your life, start now by clicking the subscribe button and the bell notification
so you aren’t missing anything. OK.. how to become a priority in his life.
Most of you are probably familiar with the saying.. don’t make someone your priority
when you are simply their option. It’s a quote that has been going around for a while
and it really resonates with people because it is so relatable, yet it is profound.
And here is the reason.. When you are a man’s second option.. rather than his priority,
you're fooled into thinking you matter, except it's really not true.
You're getting just bits and pieces of this man’s attention when it’s convenient for
him, or when he doesn’t have something better
to do, but somehow you’re hanging on to the hopes that things will turn around and
he will recognize your value and make you a priority in his life.
And as you know, being in this state of limbo, being his second choice and knowing that you
are not a priority is a very frustrating and painful place.
The good news.. you’re going to learn the 6 steps to turn things around.. oh and then
I’m going to share the most important point of this whole video… so make sure you stick
around and get the last and most important point.
OK… so how do you know you are an option and not his priority.. Well, First,
1. 1. He Doesn’t Consistently Return Your Calls or Texts.
Notice, I didn’t say instantly, I said consistently…. There is a difference.
I mean people have work, school, and other obligations and can’t always be immediately
available, right? But consistently means that the person is
excited about you and they’re eager to stay in touch and communicate with you. So, if
he’s busy, he may not be able to respond right away,
but he always responds and usually explains his delay…
Now, if he goes days and days without returning your phone calls and texts and then acts like
it’s no big deal.. Yeah.. you probably not a priority
2. He only makes plans that are convenient for him.
In other words, He doesn’t go out of his way to see you. A guy who makes you a priority
will make efforts to show you how special you are to him.
Actions speak louder than words here. A man can tell you anything he wants… but if he
is not willing to put in the effort… to go out of his way to show you how special
you are… well, then something is wrong.
3. He makes excuses instead of making time No matter how busy a man is, he either makes
time for you, or he makes excuses for you. if you or your relationship is important and
a high priority, he will find the time or make the time for you.
If he doesn’t make the time, your relationship is just not a high priority at this time.
But… and this is important… it’s not necessarily a reflection of you… it could
simply be that this man is too focused on other goals.. The problem is that maybe he
shouldn’t be dating at all… especially if he’s sending mixed messages or leading
people on.
And this is one that strikes close to home for me, so forgive me for sharing this…
, But, I don’t really date that much at all..
for this very reason. I can’t even tell you the last time I went on a date…
I just feel too busy and haven’t made the time that a relationship deserves. So, rather
than lead anyone on, I just haven’t been dating.
And That reminds me of a meme I wrote a few years ago……. A relationship is a full
time job.. don’t apply if you are only available part time.
4. He tells you he's not ready for a relationship. This is a popular one that both men and women
use when they are not into someone. If a guy is telling you upfront… I’m not
ready for a relationship, but wants to continue dating and hanging out… It’s likely you
are an option rather than a priority.. because remember, ½ of the motivation for
getting into a relationship and a commitment, is because you don’t you’re your partner
to be single and available to fall in love with someone else.
So, if he’s not worried about you dating other people, you’re likely an option.
OK, so how do you turn things around and become his priority.. Well, follow these steps in
order and things are sure to turn around.
1. Stop initiating communications If you want a man to recognize your value
and importance in his life, you must pull away.
So, Do not initiate calls or texts to him. Notice, I didn’t say ignore him or stop
communicating. I’m saying stop being the one that is always looking for him and starting
communications.. In other words... you’re not the one who’s
going to be starting the day with a good morning call or text. Instead, let him do it.
Eventually, he will recognize the difference and wonder why you’ve suddenly gone silent
on him. Let him feel a little down and realize he was happier when things were different.
Oh, and Make him wait before you return his calls and texts. I understand the urge to
respond back immediately, especially if you’ve been waiting to hear from him for a while.
But Taking some time before Responding to his contact sends the message that you are
busy and not just sitting by your phone waiting for him to reach out.
Have patience and take your time before responding… doing so will certainly increase his yearning
for you.
2. Become Scarce. This can be difficult to do.. because When
you like someone, you want to spend as much time with them as possible, right?
But that can often backfire… because when you are constantly available, you’re diminishing
your value. That’s why you need to start being a little less available.
Think about the "law of scarcity." We all know this one: People want what they can't
have.. things that are scarce are more valuable…. If your time is scarce, it’s has more value..
So.. don’t be so available.. when he calls to ask you out last minute …. Wait..
let me stress this point.. when he calls you with a last minute request, you must decline
his request…. DO NOT Accept last minute plans with him.
Instead, offer him an alternative time when you’re available for a date. this will make
him prioritize and plan his time with you.
#3 Be a little bit Mysterious.. That means you don’t have to share every
detail of your daily activities with him. You don’t need to over explain every little
thing that you’re doing… you want him to wonder.. to develop intrigue…
it’s ok if he’s a little worried too. Remember, before he won your heart… he was
a bit anxious and worried that you might even reject him, right?
When you have plans with friends… tell him you have plans with friends.. you don’t
have to go above and beyond to make him feel at ease about what you’re doing.. remember…
you want him to appreciate you and your time… and you want him to remember your value as
a friend. So… let him wonder and if he needs to ask, let him do that too.
4. Let him invest in you. People care more when they put more effort
into their relationships, So, let your partner invest in you. When they do, they are increasing
their feelings of love and appreciation for you. But how do you get him to invest in you
if you aren’t his priority? Seems tricky, right?
Well there are a few ways.. For example, if he wants to see you, make him come to your
side of town… let him drive to you and pick you up. Don’t make it so easy… make him
work for it.
And when you are with him, ask him to help you with small favors… for example, you
could ask him to help you with some work that you need completed… or ask him for help
solving a problem. See, when he helps you with something, he
is investing his time and energy into you and he will be valuing and appreciating you
more as a result.
Another way he can invest.. instead of you agreeing to watch football with him all day,
ask him to binge watch a show that you will both enjoy.. and when he loves it, you now
have something more in common. Remember, The more he invests, the more he will like you
as a result… I know it seems counterintuitive, but trust me… we appreciate and value the
things we work hard for. This one is super important, so find a way to incorporate it.
5 PRIORITIZE YOUR NEEDS… PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Sometimes people go out of their way to show
the person they’re dating how much they like them. … they jump at every opportunity
to talk, hang out, text… Usually that’s a good thing.. but not if you’re trying
to raise your value or trying to get him to make you a priority,
In this case, you need to take the attention off of him, and put it back onto yourself.
Go out with your friends and have fun. Do something for you… take up a new hobby or
do something that you enjoy. This forces him to recognize your independence and that you’re
not just sitting by the phone waiting for his calls.
Remember, one of the most important things that men find attractive in women is independence.
He’s got to know how full and complete your life is. And, if he becomes part of it, it
is because you WANT him to be part of it, not because you NEED him to part of it. Remember,
he needs to see you as a high value woman with an exciting life…. And when he sees
you that way, he is going to want to be a part of it… and to be a part of your life,
he has to make you a priority.
6. Be willing to walk away You MUST be willing to walk away from someone
and something if it isn’t working. This one is super important..
he must know that you aren’t willing to settle, that you aren’t going to tolerate
behaviors or actions of his that you don’t agree with, and that you’re not anyone’s
second choice.
In addition, in order for him to really appreciate you, he needs to experience this ‘fear of
loss’ – essentially, the fear of losing you. But He will only experience this if he
knows you are willing and able to walk away from something that isn’t right for YOU.
And that brings me to the most important point of the video. If you’ve spent some time
doing all of these steps, and you find that he still isn’t prioritizing you or the relationship,
then you must walk away with your head up high.
Look, I know it is not easy to accept the fact that a man doesn’t want a relationship
with you… or that a man hasn’t made you a priority. It hurts…. A lot…
that’s because people deeply personalize romantic rejection to the point of attaching
their value and self-worth to whether or not a man is wants them.
But, when you do that… you give away your power and rely on the validation of a man
to tell you that you are good enough. Let me repeat that.. when your self worth
and value is attached to whether or not some man wants a relationship with you, you give
up all over your power... hoping to get validation from him. So, If he doesn’t want you, you
start to question yourself… and ask “What’s wrong with me?” And that is the opposite
of the way you should be thinking about it. The question you should be asking is, what’s
wrong with him?
Think about it this way..... this is a man who hasn’t known you very long. He’s just
a person you’ve went on a few dates with. He doesn’t know you or your value. And Your
value and worth has nothing to do with his perception of you. After all, his perception
is simply based on his imagination and the limited interactions that he’s had with
you (both good and bad).
So Take your power back and trust the process. Regardless of how badly you want him, If he
isn’t into you, accept this fact and trust that it is meant to be, for your well-being
as well as his. it is not personal and it says absolutely
nothing about your value as a human being, how lovable you are, or whether or not you
will ever find Mr. Right. Giving your power away, by basing your worth
on someone else’s opinion of you will always create emotional suffering. But When you shift
into what you want, instead of whether or not someone want’s you - you gain so much
freedom and you move forward with confidence. Check out this video for about how self love
changes the way you date, or click here to watch a video that youtube thinks you will
like… I’ll see you in that video