(man grunting)
(body thudding)
- I think I see something.
It's him!
Call Ranger Collin!
(radio blips) - Ranger Collins, we found him!
He's right next to a tree.
Oh my god, he's dead!
- No he's not, I can tell.
- How can you tell?
- Just a feeling.
I can feel his soul, it's bumpin'.
- Bumpin'?
He's dead, dude.
- No, he is not dead.
We didn't do all this for nothing.
- Goodbye, my sweet prince.
- Punch him in the heart.
- What? MMA?
- Yeah, MMA.
Jab, hook, uppercut.
- I got this with my tiny little knuckles.
(gasping)
- You guys see how spooky this forest is?
Pretty sick, right?
- Thought you died.
- I'm fine.
Look, I was going to take a piss,
and then it felt like someone
made a bag of microwave popcorn in my chest.
Next thing I know, woke from a little catnap and here I am.
But we're good.
I think we need to just move on,
and then, you know, I'd love to go see
those bamboo waterfalls before noon.
That's important to me, guys.
- I think you had a heart attack.
- Yeah, man.
I think you need to chill for a minute.
- Guys, I'm fine.
Let's just keep going.
Honestly, this is the only thing I really wanted to see.
(body thudding)
(screaming)
- Not again!
- We gotta punch him in the heart.
- Stop saying punch him in the heart.
We can't punch him back to life.
- Okay, well, we need baby aspirin.
I saw it on a commercial at my granny's house.
- It's a medical punch to the chest.
- Okay, okay, I have adult-size aspirin.
Is that okay?
- It's better than what we looking at right now.
- Okay, fine.
- Oh my gosh.
(grunting)
(retching)
All right, I'm good.
- I'm good. - You good?
- How'd you guys do that?
- Strength.
- I'm an adult man.
- Ah, okay.
- All right, uh, what do we do?
- We gotta put it in one of his holes.
- Too many holes.
- It's seven.
We start from the top,
but we gotta work our way to the butt.
(retching)
(exclaiming)
- What the hell?
- Don't move, you're having a heart attack.
- Okay, I'm not having a heart attack, guys.
Honestly, it's starting to feel a little bit
like you're fat-shaming me.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Dude, you're really having a heart attack.
- Just cut it out, gang.
Let's make it positive.
Let's compliment each other's bodies this time, okay?
- We're not fat-shaming you, man.
We're concerned about you, and we all have body issues.
I'm vertically fat.
- Yeah, you're tall, Dean.
That's good.
That's something people like.
- I'm scrawny.
- Oh my god, Chad, no.
You're thin.
That's literally the ideal body type.
And you.
Let me guess.
I'm perfect; that's my problem.
It's tough to be perfect.
- I mean, it's not easy.
- You guys make me sick.
You know, you come out here, you make me feel bad,
sprinkle poison in my mouth.
- We're really not trying to be jerks.
We just think, oh, okay, you don't need that.
Oh.
- This can't be good for the situation.
- What sit--
(booming)
- Oh god, he's dead again!
- Okay, okay, we just need to crush up more aspirin.
Here you go.
We'll do the thing again.
- No, no, no, hey guys, hey guys, stop, stop stop!
You're killing him!.
Pardon me, pardon me, fellas.
Let me step in here.
Let me step in.
Okay, here we go.
Where are you at, buddy?
Where are you at?
Here we go.
And one, and two, and three, and four, and--
- You gonna do mouth-to-mouth?
- Actually no, Dean.
That's a great question.
The American Heart Association changed the way we do CPR.
It's just chest compressions.
There's no more mouth-to-mouth.
23, 24--
(gasping)
There you are.
- Whoa, meow.
Did I die and go to dreamboat heaven?
Boing.
(laughing)
- No, no, but I think
you had a pulmonary embolism.
- Interesting.
So not a heart attack.
- Yeah, no, definitely not a heart attack.
Pulmonary embolism.
- Okay, seems so obvious.
- Very serious, life-threatening event,
but not a heart attack.
- Yeah, yeah, that's good to know
that it was definitely not a heart attack,
because if I were to diagnose this as a heart attack,
god, I'd be riddled with guilt.
- You'd have to be pretty reckless, careless--
- What kind of person gets up in the morning
and wrongfully accuses another person
of having a heart attack?
- Not any kind of person that I'd wanna
ever be around or know.
- I mean, then again, you can't blame people
that would rush to a judgment like that.
They come from broken homes, right?
They're not good people.
- Yeah, bad people, bad families.
- Their mom was making a lot of lead paint casserole,
so you can't blame them.
- Yeah, probably feeding them toxic stuff.
- All three of these men
deserve to be physically punished, I just feel like.
- I think they should be lined up and you should
roundhouse kick each one of them in the face
as hard as you can.
These foolish, reckless, moronic, abject loser idiots.
- I say we should be harvesting their organs
because they're too dumb to live.
- I don't think you wanna be giving anybody those organs.
- Okay, right.
Those are tainted organs.
- Yeah, those are dumb organs.
- So bottom line, not a heart attack.
- No, absolutely, 100%, positively, not a heart attack.
Very serious life event, but not a heart attack.
- Okay, great.
- Great.
- Thank you.
Pumped to see that waterfall, guys,
'cause it's not a heart attack.
(groaning)
- Prepare to have your worlds rocked
when you see this bamboo waterfall.
-Oh, man.
- Is it nice?
- Ah, it's exquisite.
Eight people died viewing it,
but from what I heard from their families,
it was worth it.