(mellow jazz music)
(wine splashes)
- I'm Grant, and I drink wine with dinner.
- My name is Tad and I am a sommelier.
- My name is Michele and I am a master somm.
(plunking)
(mellow jazz music)
- Thank you. Yeah, okay.
Okay, the aromas are a definitely
very mature fruit flavor.
Mm, mm-hmm.
Yeah, it's definitely a 1998 Bordeaux.
(bell rings)
(sniffing)
- 1998 Bordeaux, left bank from Graves.
(bell rings) Next.
(slurping)
- Probably some kind of red wine.
- Yeah?
- Yeah! - Oh!
Hey, oh I'm good at this!
(bell rings)
- Wonderful, thank you.
- Okay, let's see, two for two.
(sniffing)
- Definitely an earthy aroma.
- This glass is warm.
(sniffs)
- Mm hmm.
- Mm, oh, hints of peanut butter and...
Okay, don't tell me, pad thai.
- This could be the dog shit.
Or an old earth wine.
- See about that.
(mellow jazz music)
This is really dog shit.
What -- what the fuck?
I thought you were kidding.
Is this fresh?
I'm not fucking drinking this!
(slurping)
- Yeah, wow, wow, I wanted to take my time with that.
Really get some flavor in there.
(slurping)
- Hmm, chalky minerality to it.
Probably the dog shit.
Potentially an old dog.
- God, that's gorgeous.
- What, you just held a wine glass under your dog's butt.
So, this is shit from a street dog.
(coughing and gagging)
(gargling)
- Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm.
- Fuck. Who fucking green lit this?
- This would go perfectly with a red snapper,
tilapia if you're poor,
if it didn't have dog shit.
I am confident in saying I think this is a pinot grigio
with dog shit.
(bell rings)
- Final conclusion, 2016 pinot grigio from Loir Valley
with feces from a 12-year-old vizsla,
who's diet consists mainly of hummus.
(bell rings)
- You're gonna hear from my lawyer,
get this fucking microphone off of me!
- All right, oh yes. (laughs)
How'd I do?
The photos look okay, yeah?
Thank you, thank you for having me.
- Can I get some real wine?
Wine is wine.
(slurping and gulping)
- I do.