Do you or do you perhaps know anyone who has this habit of constantly comparing
their life to someone else's for example thinking or saying he he has such a
great life he has this huge house he has this awesome family and he has a job
that is so well-paying or his life looks so easy he's inherited this business
from his parents so he it seems like he doesn't need to do much and all this
money just keeps flowing in these examples that I've just mentioned are
all obvious examples of envy but what I think is even worse than that is the
self-pity that is involved in this kind of thinking so if you notice that you
have this tendency to think in this way or perhaps it's not you maybe it's
someone close to you that you know who has this pattern of thinking I would
challenge you or challenge you to say to this person the next time that she or he
mentions something like this - first ask themselves these three questions that I
will go into now I wanted to make this video for some time because I myself
have someone in my more extended family who has this kind of thought pattern
this person has a tendency to say his life is so great or he or she has it so
easy if I could only be like that if I could only have a life like that and I
think that it's much more than annoying it's something that's very concerning
and self-defeating and self-depreciating and most of all it does no good at all
it's of no use at all to think in that kind of way and most of all by thinking
and saying these things the person is putting him or herself in a victimhood
mentality which basically means that they feel like they do not have control
over their own lives there was a time in my life when if someone would say
something like that for example oh his or her life is so
awesome she has it so easy she's so lucky then I would just go along with it
just to be polite and nod my head but now I'm starting to think that that is
actually not good for the person saying so I thought of three things that you
might ask him or her or even yourself if it's relevant the next time
that kind of comment comes up and I think that asking these question and
putting the person in a position where he or she needs to really think about
what they're saying might really change the person's perspective the first
possible question to ask would be do you know are you aware about how much work
they put into it oftentimes we look at other people's success and we only see
the great things from the outside but we really don't realize how much work went
into it and one example that I can tell you from my own life is in relation to
the acting and filmmaking that I did before I started acting and filmmaking
I took it quite lightly I saw that acting was a very easy and Sun job which
it is it is a fun job but it is not just about the fun it is indeed a lot of hard
training and dedication that maybe people are not not aware of and it's the
same thing with other things in life for example people making an app it's very
easy for people to say oh he made an app and now he's earning millions off of it
he's he's so lucky he has such a great life most people don't have any idea how
much work goes into developing and making it distributing it etc the second
question to ask as a response to a thought or comments such as he or she
has such a great life is at what cost that he or she achieves that if we look
at someone who is very rich successful and famous do we think that they were
able to get there without sacrificing anything else in their life that was
perhaps as valuable we might look at a businessman or at an inventor and think
oh he's so super smart he's so successful he has everything that he
needs in his life but what do we know about the person's health what do we
know about the person's relationship think of Steve Jobs so successful but in
the end he died from cancer at such a young age or maybe we might envy the
life of some executive who has a very high position in in her company but what
do we know about her family what do we know about the sacrifices she made maybe
she sacrificed being able to have a fine in order to climb up that career ladder
to get there and I want to share with you another example about Albert
Einstein everyone knows about the success that Albert Einstein had in his
professional career but very few people are aware about his personal life and
that there was a time where his marriage was really breaking down and at that
time he presented his wife with a contract listing all the things that he
expected from her if the relationship was to continue and these are the
conditions a you will make sure one that my clothes and laundry are kept in good
order number two that I will receive my three meals regularly in my room number
three that my bedroom and study are kept neat and especially that my desk is left
for my youth only B you will renounce all personal relationships with me
insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons
specifically you will forego one my sitting at home with you number two my
going out or traveling with you C you will obey the following points in your
relations with me number one you will not expect any intimacy from me nor will
you reproach me in any way number two you will stop talking to me
if I request it number three you will leave my bedroom or study immediately
without protest if I request it D you will undertake not to belittle me in
front of our children either through words or behavior so here we can clearly
see that Albert Einstein's success came at a cost not only to himself meaning
that his relationship with his wife was less than ideal but also for his family
his family sacrificed a lot in order to create the kind of situation atmosphere
that was conducive in his mind for him to work on his career it might not be
that extreme in other cases but I think it does make sense to ask yourself
before jumping to conclusions about how great other people's lives are at what
cost it actually came and following from that ask yourself would I be willing to
make that kind of big sacrifice in order to achieve what that person achieved
many people were looking at or judging a situation such as for example a person
success or how great their lives to be failed to take into consideration
the complete equation they look at the output which is all the glamorous the
glorious the positive the fun and nice fancy stuff but they fail to think of or
they're just ignorant of all the parts that went into the equation which is all
the hard work the sweat the blood and the frustration the disappoint when the
long nights working the fear and everything the next question to ask is
is this person actually happy or is he or she at least at peace
many people envy celebrities who seem to have this perfect and glamorous life but
how much do we actually know about their happiness how they feel inside
everything may look totally perfect on the outside but inside they might be
dying they might be rotting away so I think that the saying don't judge a book
by its cover goes in two ways it's not only the case that something might look
unattractive from the outside that is actually very valuable inside but it can
also be the other way around something may look very glamorous and
beautiful and perfect from the outside but once you open it up then you see all
the damage all the shortcomings all the negative stuff inside I think that as
human beings it's completely normal if once in a while we are envious of
something that someone else has or that someone else gets to experience but it
becomes a problem when it becomes a habit when you notice yourself or
someone else doing this on a constant basis the other person has different
genetics they grew up in a different environment they had a different
upbringing and a different set of parents and they lived in very different
circumstances than use a huge part of what determines our success and
happiness in our own lives is the way we sink and the way we talk to ourselves
and because of that we need to put in a lot of care into our thoughts and the
things that we believe I also think that comparing your life to someone else's
life in an envious way and and not in a constructive way is a way of saying that
you've given up because let's say that you are working very hard on something
for example you want to get to a certain position
certain level in your company or you want to make a certain amount of money
or you want to win some competition and then there comes the times when things
start to get really difficult and really hard and you feel like you want to give
up and on top of that then you also start to compare yourself and your life
with other people's life that really brings you down and there's often a very
easy way of saying I give up and that's based on the belief that someone else's
success was achieved without a lot of effort and without a lot of pain which
is obviously not true that is why I think it's so important
for us to question the premise behind other people's success if we look at
other people's success and we acknowledge and we are aware of the
amount of work and sacrifice that went into his or her process and if we can
look at the success of other people in that way then it will also be easier for
us to reframe our own experience in relation to success then we will realize
that we ourselves have ownership over our lives that we are not a victim in
our lives that we have a big influence over our successes and failures in our
lives okay guys this was a different kind of video today this was a bit of a
rant let me know in the comments below what you think do you know anyone in
your life maybe your friends or someone in your family who has this habit of
constantly comparing their lives to someone else's lives I'd be curious to
hear about your own experience in relation to this don't forget to check
out my channel because I have tons of other videos on career career change and
motivation as always thank you so much for watching have an awesome day take
care and I hope to catch you again soon