(funky music)
- [Announcer] From West Hollywood, California,
the only news team that doesn't know
what's on the teleprompter before they read it.
Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points.
This is, Breaking News.
- Good evening everyone, welcome
to the breaking news, the show where
we have no idea what we're about to say
and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm Prune Hub.
- And I'm Tom Wanks.
- What?
- [Prune] Oh no, for the duration
of this episode, I will be holding
these two dumbbells out.
- And I - I have arthritis for real
in my shoulders.
- And I will be wearing this mouth prop
for the entire duration of this episode.
Am I wearing it right?
- Put it sideways.
- Yeah. - Like that?
- This goes on your lip, yeah,
right, exactly. - Oh God.
- [Tom] I can't it was killing me.
- Okay, our first story takes place at the YMCA.
(Prune yells in pain) The city tested the water
at the YMCA's pool and found it was
99% old people hair and somehow
just one percent water.
YMCA members were livid with the Y.
MC Rap Attack, a DJ and YMCA member said,
"This is disgusting, I am never coming back
to the YMCA ever again.
The YMCA has screwed me over for the last time
I'll see to my revenge on the Y, this life or the next."
When asked for comment the Y just responded with,
"Y stands for Young, C stands for Chrisitan still,
M stands for Men, A stands for Association."
- Thanks Prune Hub.
In other news, Coachella
has announced their lineup for 2020.
Headlining the festival will be a slippery dog
and its greasy owner, Pasty White People
featuring Ben Gibbard,
Hippopotamus Purple Funk Phantom Menace,
Gravity Bong Slurps, and his first live performance
since he announced his retirement,
Dukie Pinochet and the Droopy Avenues.
- Wow, now that's a lineup.
If only the Village People, the creators
of YMCA, were also there.
- Yeah sure, comedy acts will include,
the dentist from the viral video
"David After the Dentist", the production assistants
from the t.v. show "Workaholics", and Danica Patrick.
You remember Danica Patrick, right?
From those GoDaddy commercials?
Well, she's doing stand-up now
and it's a sight to see, wowie.
- Sounds like it'll be a really good time.
Now, let's go down to the place
where sand come from on the beach.
Our reporter who's standing on one
of those wobbly balance boards
is down by the street.
Whoa, Diane, how's it going down there?
- Oh my god you gotta be. - [Grant] Oh no.
Oh no.
To steal the lingo of some of the people down here
I'd say it's a real hang ten!
Cowabunga dude!
The waves are gnarly right now.
I saw a sweet sewll that must have been
as high as a helicopter following
a high speed chase on the one oh one.
Forecast says it's nothing but sun and shine down here.
- Have you been eating any good barbecue down there?
- You know what, I gotta bulk up you know?
With my routine and all the stuff that's
happening right now. - Aw, hell yeah.
- A big manta ray actually ate my dog, Puppers,
when I was on the beach and so it has scarred me
from ever going to the beach.
- That's a horrifying story and I wish
you'd never told me that.
It really hurts to look at you, I just can't.
- This is awful, all of this is awful.
- Sometimes I wish - Oh no
- I could play as the mayor from jaws
and see how I would handle the situation
if a great white shark was attacking my town.
- Now I realize also that the longer I speak,
the longer that YMCA - We gotta talk faster!
- Thanks Diane, shred the gnar.
- And now we take you to the Gordon Ram-It-In-Me,
reporting on traffic.
- Thanks Prune Hub. (Screams)
- Oh no!
- I appear to be reporting from the scene
in a normal manner, no challenge yet.
(Screams)
Traffic appears to be doing pretty well
on the one oh one and four oh five.
The idiots are just leaving their jobs
to just go home to their big mansions in the valley.
There's a huge traffic jam on Sunset because
everyone's rushing to be first in line for an improv show.
Traffic is crazy towards the Hollywood Bowl because
all four Beatles have been reincarnated
and are now playing a bunch of songs,
and that's traffic.
- Thanks Gordon Ram-It-In-Me.
Well, that's all the time we have for tonight.
- Before we go, our loser of the week is Erika.
Thanks for watching!
- (screams) I will beat you up!
- You all knew this was happening!
Every single one of you was conspiring against us!
- I'm so upset. - You knew!
- I'm so upset, this is a bad show.
We shouldn't make this show anymore.
Who wrote this?
I'm gonna find out who wrote this,
and I'm gonna tweet about it. - We're gonna kill them!
- Hi, I still don't know what I'm about to say
because I'm a big, stupid idiot.
If you like that video, you can go to hell.
And then you can go to dropout.tv
to start your free trial today.
For every episode of Breaking News that's here
there's another episode only available on dropout.tv.
Until next time, I'm Grant O'Brian,
which is Irish for Grant of Brian.