From why people can’t awaken from a coma, to what would happen if Earth became 5000 degrees for 5
seconds, my name is Darlink and I’m here to answer everyone’s burning questions about life.
Hello dere. I’m Danger Dolan and I’m- Here to blow our minds with things that
are preposterous and untrue? Am I a joke to you?
Well- You think you can just show up to
Planet Dolan and say WHATEVER you want? Well-
You know what YOU are, Darlink? Yeah? What?
I’ll tell you! Go on.
I’ll tell you EXACTLY what you are, Darlink. But first I gotta ask you a bunch of stuff.
What do those bristles on the side of escalators do?
The main function of these bristles is to deflect any trash or debris from sliding
into the gap of the escalator, where it would clog up the machinery. There was
even a case of a lit cigarette falling in that ignited the grease, causing a fire.
They also de-incentivise people from standing all the way on the edge, reducing the risk of damage,
or of toes getting caught in the moving track. Everyone knows those bristles were placed there to
provide free shoe shine for anyone traveling up or down. But it’s not recommended anymore ever since
that one child got sucked up into the bristles like a vacuum cleaner and was never seen again.
Wait, seriously!? The kid’s parents didn’t even go searching for them?
Na. There was a gentle whisper of “good riddance” and talk of a
private party. But otherwise the child was written off like a tax expense.
Well they sound like really terrible parents. Yeah. They were pretty bad.
If freezing damages tissue, how can we freeze human eggs and embryos for birth later?
This is because eggs are extremely simple single cells capable of freezing instantaneously.
Typically freezing would cause damage with ice crystals, and in fact they do damage
eggs where it’s expected over a quarter of all frozen eggs won’t survive the process.
Likewise, it’s possible to freeze very small animals and thaw them, but at the moment the
technology does not exist to freeze and thaw anything large without causing immense damage.
What are you talking about? I freeze eggs in my fridge all the time.
How else do you think we get arctic chickens and snow birds? You freeze the eggs,
they hatch and then when they’re old enough they’ll lay ice cubes.
Well what about human eggs then? Don’t be silly. Humans can’t lay eggs.
Or can they…? I am very obviously NOT a human.
Hmm. Your story checks out. But if I see an egg around here, I’ll know it was you.
Why do we feel cold when we have a fever? Shouldn’t we
feel hot if we have a high temperature? Your body is actually trying to warn you
that in order to fight off the infection, you need to raise your body temperature
higher. You will shiver involuntarily as your muscles expend stored energy to release heat,
and you’ll feel cold making you want to find the nearest blanket to wrap yourself inside.
You’ll know your fever has broken when you suddenly feel hot and sweaty,
as that means you’re safe to lower your temperature again now that the
danger period for infection has passed. If your temperature fluctuates, it means your body is
trying to figure out the level of inflammation that the infection is assaulting you with.
This is normal. Your body is meant to feel the exact opposite of sensations to protect
you. Kinda like when you stub your toe and it feels pleasurable, but having
someone give you a thoughtful gift fills you with extreme rage. That’s how we all feel.
That is extremely weird. I really think you need to see a doctor.
That’s rich coming from you. That last time we had a fever you took
me to that ice box to “chill out”. I mean yeah, but it worked great.
Yeah. For you. Nobody else alive can produce the heat you can. Something suss going on.
You’re imagining things. Yeah. Must be.
What prevents people in a coma from waking up? A coma isn’t just sleep, it’s usually caused
by brain damage. Neurons that should be firing have stopped, and depending
on which ones you’ll have a different type of coma. You can typically measure the different
types by whether the person responds to pain or whether they can open their eyes.
However there are some instances where people are put in artificial comas, like pneumonia for
example. They’re able to be woken usually after weeks when the ventilation and fluid draining has
finished, as otherwise if you were awake you may panic by reflex which would hamper the procedures.
Waking people up from a coma is offensive. They are LITERALLY trying to catch up on
months of sleep, but it’s a non-stop carousel of doctors hassling them, or loved ones coming
up to shed tears at their bedside - terrible! I’ll bet when I had my two year sleep I had
all kinds of fools coming up to visit- Really? No friends or family? No-one?
Well… a rat crawled over you once. Does that count?
Good ol’ Rat. Phew. For a second there I thought absolutely nobody loved me.
How is it that you can easily walk for miles but standing
still for 20 minutes makes you uncomfortable? This is because of your calf muscles that pump
blood from your legs up to your heart when active. If you sit or stand for long periods, aside from
the soreness, you also pool blood in the veins in your legs, causing eventual blood clots. This
is why it’s important for you to remain active and not sit at a desk for too long in a day.
If you notice your feet are sore, it’s because the muscles in your feet have constant pressure
from standing still, whereas moving shifts that pressure between the different areas
of your foot, making it much easier to bear. The only reason standing still would make you
uncomfortable is if you’re a restless zoomer who can’t RELAX. Just look at Darlink - always
bouncing off the walls, can never get her to stand still for more than 10 seconds.
Hey, Mr D, do you wanna come hike up that mountain and paraglide off it with me?
No. I really can’t express how much I don’t want to do that.
Huh? You say something? Come on. I invented this game, it’s called
flaming motorbike. Let’s ride. Noooooooooo. Not again.
What if Earth became 1000 degrees for 5 secs? If this happened, the air itself would feel
like silk, and wind would all but stop. To put it into perspective, 1000 degrees is hotter than
the surface of Venus. Anyone on a beach would be incinerated. Cars would explode. Nuts and bolts
would melt, and it’s likely buildings and bridges would just collapse. A lot of things would implode
because of the massive and sudden increase in pressure. Assuming you don’t burn to death,
your skin would turn yellow and you’d struggle to breathe, likely losing consciousness.
The devastation would be catastrophic and widespread.
I agree. This would not be good. Oh, of COURSE you - wait,
what? You agree with me? Are you feeling okay? Let’s test out what would happen. To the beach!
Mmm, this is so nice. Oh yeah? Well if you are indeed the same species
as me as you so claim, you’ll know that our pale skin doesn’t do great in sunlight. So let’s see
what happens at 5000 degrees. So how was that?
Haha hey Mr D. Do you possibly have any room under that umbrella?
Is it actually possible that all snowflakes are unique?
It is theoretically possible, but so hilariously improbable that it’s unrealistic to expect to
ever see this occur. Their patterns would have to arrange in exactly the same way,
with exactly the same number of molecules, with the same impurities throughout. You
could perhaps find two that look very similar, but breaking down the components, finding the
exact same duplicate would be like rolling a random number out of trillions and trillions
and landing on the same number twice in a row. Everyone is raised believing they are a special
snowflake, one-of-a-kind. But this is a LIE. People are manufactured drones with hardly
anything to differentiate them. They’re not capable of anything exciting or unexpected-
What the-?
Mister D! Mister D! Where are you? Ican’tseeyou…!
Love me! LOVE ME!
It’s all mine now.
Mr D? Mr D! Sorry to wake you from your coma.
Darlink… you are… I’m what?
You are…
…terrifying.