When he offers he wants to do it,
this is his opportunity to show you love,
to show you respect, to show you desire,
let him do it.
(Music)
Good evening,
so, for a woman that is very independent
and when you're dating
you don't have to depend on a man
so, not knowing how to allow...
I've even noticed with myself like,
even if a man is like oh, let me get that for you
I'm like no it's okay, I got it.
How do you kind of start to transition
from being super independent
to kind of preparing to be
interdependent in a relationship?
Okay, okay.
(Applause)
So, step number one,
stop calling yourself an independent woman.
Because when you carry that label,
you are defining yourself
by the exact thing
that chokes life out of a relationship.
As you mentioned, you need interdependence
not independence,
but if you keep saying
I'm an independent woman,
I'm an independent woman, I'm an independent woman.
You're going to speak that into existence,
you're going to live that life
and you're going to make it harder for you
to come out of that mindset.
So, number one,
you're not an independent woman
you're a woman who knows how to be independent
you have the skill
you can do for you when needed,
but you are able
to allow someone to do for you.
Now, when you are conscious of
the fact that you're trying to switch
to an interdependent mindset
then simply in the example that you gave
when a man offers, let him do it.
See you don't ever have to feel like
you got to ask a man and beg him for it
and all that kind of stuff.
But when he offers he wants to do it,
this is his opportunity to show you love,
to show you respect, to show you desire,
let him do it.
And there's nothing wrong with that
because consider this,
it happens to women too with their kids.
Women have kids
and women want to show love to their children
by whether it'd be
cooking for them or doing this for them
or doing that for them.
And when that child becomes older and "independent"
and now start to deny
that mother's opportunity to show love
it makes her feel some kind of way
and then what happens to some of these women,
they go have another kid
because they want someone who's going to
receive their love, all right.
So, nobody likes to be rejected
when we're trying to do for each other.
So, if you're dating a man and he offers,
let him do it.
And not only let him do it,
but show appreciation for him doing it, all right.
So, say thank you
because some of you all be looking at the man like,
so, what you want a cookie now?
You ain't doing nothing special,
this ain't nothing serious, I could do it myself.
Stop all that stop all that.
That's not going to work, all right.
Say thank you, kiss him on the cheek,
pat him on the back, whatever, show appreciation
Clap for that. Yes, clapping up for that yes, say thank you.
I've often been told a lot
by even male figures I surround
that the reason why guys don't approach you
is because they're intimidated by you.
So, what am I giving off or doing wrong
that's making guys be intimidated with me?
You coming off hard and difficult,
I mean at the end of the day...
Well, let me backtrack
sometimes it's coming off hard and difficult,
sometimes you may look like
you operate at a standard that they're not willing to meet.
So, there is situations where they can be
genuinely intimidated,
they might think you're too expensive for them, all right.
There's different perceptions that can happen
based off of what you're giving off.
Now, again, you have to ask yourself
are you giving off positive approachable energy,
that's the key.
Now, if you're doing that
and they still don't want to approach you,
that's on them, they're intimidated.
But if you aren't doing that
then I would say that yes,
some of it is just you look like you don't want to be bothered
and the reality is that
genuine guys, respectful men
are going to see your energy and say
let me not waste my time,
let me not bother her,
let me respect her space.
The guy who just wants sex
doesn't care about your negative energy,
doesn't care about how hard you look,
he's still going to approach you.
So, if you're looking for something genuine
then understand that you have to give off
an approachable energy
to make the genuine men feel comfortable stepping to you.
Because all those genuine men
hear women complain all the time
about getting randomly approached
and how you're all tired of it
and you don't want to be bothered sometimes.
So, how's he supposed to know
in that moment it's okay for him to talk to you?
You've got to set that stage to make it,
to create that environment that allows him to say
okay, I can step to her
and at least express my interest
and take it from there.
(Music)