um I was wondering how can I deal with insecurity in my relationship because I have my mind creates
thoughts and I get so caught up in them that sometimes I cannot see if it's if it's my
thoughts just telling me stories or it's maybe my intuition that is trying to tell me something
and sometimes it comes to the point where I'm actually feel I'm sabotaging my relationship
yes okay and sometimes I feel like well maybe it's better just to leave it all because then
I won't have to deal with that insecurity okay what you're experiencing this insecurity is an
intuition I know you were hoping not to hear that but I'm afraid you're right it's an intuition but
it's not the intuition that you think it is in other words it's not the intuition that your
relationship is about to come to an end it may be I have no idea and but but when I say it's
an intuition it is an intuition but it is not an intuition about the fate of your particular
relationship it's a much deeper intuition and it's an intuition that nothing in your life is reliable
you're right to feel insecure about your relationship it is insecure
so we should all grow up and face that fact now I'm not making a comment about your particular
relationship you may stay happily together for the rest of your life you may not so this
insecurity you're feeling is it is right but don't misinterpret it don't don't miss the opportunity
that this intuition is giving you and make it something about your your relationship it's a
much bigger intuition it's an intuition that comes from from from an innate knowledge that each of us
has that everything is insecure nothing objective lasts nothing and if we invest our happiness our
security and our identity in an object that is a relationship an activity a teaching a teacher our
intelligence our health our wealth if we invest our happiness security and identity in anything
objective it is a recipe for misery we have to just face that fact honestly and courageously
so it's very good that that you realize that your relationship and all relationships with all
people and all objects is insecure they could be taken away from you at any moment so what is the
cure for this insecurity to get married to make marriage vows to to to vow to each other that your
stay happily together for the rest of your life no obviously not what what is the what is the remedy
for this insecurity which is expressing itself as an insecurity in a relationship but it's actually
even if you weren't in a relationship this same insecurity we don't would be expressing itself in
another aspect of your life so what is the remedy for this existential insecurity there is a remedy
it can only be to find out if there is something secure in your life because if
you're going to invest your happiness your peace of mind your identity in anything we
should invest it in something that is secure and trustworthy and reliable now what is
that is there anything in your life that is trustworthy and reliable that has never left
you that has never changed that has never let you down it has never been separated from you
what is that how would you describe it
it's okay you don't have to describe him but whatever it is and you know in your experience
what I'm referring to invest your identity in that alone to invest our security in something
that is not secure is madness and suffering is the result so just face that fact it's a fact
it's an it's an inescapable fact it's a fact that many people don't want to look at because
it's too painful to look at it or at least they think it's too painful to look at it in fact
it's the opposite it's the it's the doorway to true happiness to investing one's security and
identity and happiness in something that is that won't let us down and please don't misunderstand
me I'm not suggesting that one shouldn't have relationships or long-term relationships or
committed relationships I'm not suggesting any of that perfectly okay to do so to get married
if you want to or whatever but if you want to give your relationship the best possible chance
of being a truly intimate relationship I recommend you remove from it any demand
for producing something that is stable and secure in your life now that that's not
doesn't mean it's not a license for two partners in a relationship to behave in irresponsible or
unloving ways I obviously don't mean that but if you if you free a relationship from the impossible
demands of being something that it can never be that will give your relationship the best
possible chance of being what you truly want it to be which is truly loving and intimate but as
long as you are investing your identity and your happiness in it you as you as you yourself rightly
observed you are preventing it from being what you want it to be so don't get busy tinkering
with the relationship and not suggesting that that the remedy is to discover in yourself what
is truly secure invest your security in that invest your security your happiness and your
identity in that and particularly if two people in a relationship and both doing the same thing
then that will give that particular relationship the best possible chance of being truly intimate
it doesn't mean to say that you'll necessarily stay together forever you may or you may not but
whether you do or you don't it'll be in the true friendship a truly intimate loving friendship
thank you