THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!
HOW YOU DOING?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
( CHEERING ) THANK YOU, YEAH!
I'M ABOUT TO TURN 33 YEARS OLD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU!
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH, AND I JUST STARTED
READING.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS I WAS
JUST PARTYING, AND THEN I HAD TO STOP SO THAT MY LIFE WOULDN'T
FALL APART, AND NOW I'M, LIKE, LET'S SEE WHAT THESE WORDS ARE
ALL ABOUT.
( LAUGHTER ) PRETTY COOL.
( LAUGHTER ) I HAVE BEEN READING A LOT ABOUT
TOXIC MASCULINITY LATELY.
THAT'S BEEN THE TOPIC.
I DIDN'T ALWAYS KNOW WHAT THAT WAS, I WILL BE HONEST.
THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THE PHRASE TOXIC MASCULINITY, I
ASSUMED IT WAS WHAT TURNED DWAYNE JOHNSON INTO THE ROCK.
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH, I KNOW.
I KNOW.
YEAH, NO, I WISH IT WAS THAT, TOO.
IT'S WAY LAMER.
( LAUGHTER ) ACTUALLY, TURNS OUT TOXIC
MASCULINITY IS INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA IN STRAIGHT MEN,
ACTUALLY.
BASICALLY, THE BELIEF OF TOXIC MASCULINE THINK IS THAT, AS A
MAN, YOU SHOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING THAT MIGHT BE PERCEIVED
AS GAY, AND THINGS THAT MIGHT BE PERCEIVED AS GAY INCLUDE
TRYING -- ( LAUGHTER )
YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S WHY "QUEER EYE" IS SUCH A
GREAT SHOW.
IT'S GAY MEN TEACHING STRAIGHT MEN --
( APPLAUSE ) OH, YEAH, WE LOVE IT.
IT'S GAY MEN TEACHING STRAIGHT MEN IT'S OKAY TO TRY.
THAT'S THE WHOLE SHOW.
GAY MEN ARE, LIKE, NO, YOU CAN ACTUALLY JUST GET A HAIRCUT
WHENEVER YOU NEED IT.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A GOOD THING TO DO.
YOU CAN BUY CLOTHES THAT FIT.
THAT'S FINE.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU CAN EVEN TAKE SOME OF THAT
LOTION AND PUT IT RIGHT THERE ON YOUR FACE.
YOU KNOW.
( LAUGHTER ) THE STRAIGHT GUY IS CRYING,
HE'S, LIKE, I DIDN'T KNOW!
I DIDN'T KNOW!
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NO GOOD, MAN!
IT'S HOLDING US BACK!
IT'S ALL A DISPLAY FOR OTHER STRAIGHT MEN.
NO ONE ELSE IS IMPRESSED.
NO ONE ELSE CARES.
WE'RE JUST DOING IT FOR EACH OTHER, MAN!
IT'S CRAZY.
AS A MAN, NO MATTER WHO YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH, MAN, WOMEN,
OTHERWISE, THEY WANT YOU TO DRESS WELL, HAVE GOOD HYGIENE,
READ.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
YOU KNOW?
BUT THE THING, IS WE DON'T DO IT BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT OUR
STRAIGHT FRIENDS TO CALL US GAY.
BUT THEN IT'S, LIKE, WHAT'S GAYER THAN CARING ABOUT WHAT A
BUNCH OF MEN THINK?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE HOW MUCH IT
AFFECTED MY OWN LIFE TILL I STARTED LIVING WITH A WOMAN THE
FIRST TIME.
THAT WAS A VERY ILLUMINATING EXPERIENCE FOR ME BECAUSE,
BEFORE HER, I HAD ONLY LIVED WITH OTHER STRAIGHT MEN AND,
HONESTLY, LOOKING BACK, I DON'T EVEN THINK THAT SHOULD BE
ALLOWED.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T THINK STRAIGHT MEN
SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO COHABITATE, MAN.
WE NEED A CHAPERONE!
A BUNCH OF STRAIGHT MEN WILL NEVER TURN A HOUSE INTO A HOME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
( LAUGHTER ) WE'RE TOO SCARED.
WE WANT THERE TO BE ART ON THE WALL BUT WE DON'T WANT TO BE THE
ONE WHO GETS CAUGHT HANGING ART TON WALL.
SO IT NEVER HAPPENS.
WE PRETEND TO LIKE IT.
A BUNCH OF STRAIGHT DUDES LIVING TOGETHER IS BASICALLY A BUNCH OF
STRAIGHT MEN TRYING TO CONVINCE EACH OTHER THEY CAN SURVIVE IN
PRISON IS BASICALLY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.
ALL I NEED IS FOUR PLAIN WHITE WALLS AND DUSTY AIR TO BREATHE
WHILE I DO BUSHUPS.
YOU NEED ANY MORE THAN THAT, IT'S ON YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) THEN A WOMAN MOVED IN AND
EVERYTHING CHANGED.
SHE WASN'T EVEN MY ONLY ROOMMATE.
SHE WAS ONE-FOURTH OF THE HOUSE.
ONE MAN MOVED OUT, ONE WOMAN MOVED IN, OUR LIVES IMPROVED
10,000 PERCENT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN QUANTIFY
IT!
IT WAS CRAZY!
IT WAS AN ENERGY SHIFT.
SHE CAME IN, HI, I'M JULIE, I'M ALLOWED TO BE ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT
HOHOME DECOR BECAUSE I'M A GIRL!
WHOA!
THAT LOOKS SO REFRESHING!
SHOW US MORE!
ALL OF A SUDDEN, WE HAD A PLACE FOR OUR UTENSILS.
BOOM!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SHE SAID, IF YOU NEED UTENSILS,
THEY WILL BE RIGHT HERE!
WE WERE, LIKE, WE HAVE UTENSILS?
SHE WAS, LIKE, YOU DO NOW.
WE WERE, LIKE, JULIE, JULIE, JULIE!
( APPLAUSE ) IT WAS CRAZY, MAN.
SHE HAD SO MANY IDEAS.
IT WAS NUTS.
SHE CAME IN AND SHE WAS, LIKE, HEY, FELLAS, REAL QUICK, WHAT'S
ALL THIS IN THE CORNER?
WHAT'S ALL THAT THERE?
AND WE WERE, LIKE, OH, THAT?
THAT'S CORNER TRASH.
( LAUGHTER ) SHE WAS, LIKE, TO YOU GUYS LIKE
CORNER TRASH?
( LAUGHTER ) DO YOU GUYS WANT TO KEEP THAT
OR -- WE'RE, LIKE, WHAT?
NO!
WE HATE IT.
YOU SERIOUS?
WE TAKE TURNS LOOKING AT IT, BUT IT WON'T GO AWAY.
WE'VE TRIED EVERYTHING.
WE'VE SMOKED WEED AT IT.
YOU KNOW.
( LAUGHTER ) WE BEAT IT IN PlayStation
AND HERE IT REMAINS.
( LAUGHTER ) AND JULIE IN ALL HER WISDOM.
SHE'S, LIKE, GUESS WHAT?
I HAVE AN IDEA, FELLAS.
I BROUGHT SOME BAGS HERE.
SHE WAS, LIKE, WHAT IF WE TOOK CORNER TRASH, PUT IT IN BAGS,
TOOK IT OUTSIDE, MADE IT OUTSIDE TRASH?
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
AND THEN WE WERE, LIKE, UM, ARE YOU A WITCH?
( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE WE SAID
NO WITCHES.
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN A LOT OF FUN.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: THAT WAS FANTASTIC!
THAT WAS AMAZING!
YOU'RE SO BRILLIANT!
KEN COGHLAN, EVERYBODY!
CHECK HIM OUT APRIL 23rd, THE SIREN THEATER IN PORTLAND.
COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY!