Hi, my name is Michelle Scheufler and I'm a therapist
currently working at Sharp Grossmont
Hospital Behavioral Health.
And I'm here to talk to you today about resilience.
And I'm going to define resilience and talk about how
it can benefit us and then also give you some tips on how to
build your resilience.
So first we're going to get into what is resilience?
And resilience can be defined as the process of adapting well
in the face of adversity,
trauma, tragedy,
threats or significant stress, for example COVID-19.
It's human nature to resist change,
particularly when it comes in the form of
adversity or challenges, but change is inevitable.
Developing the trait of resilience not only helps us
survive change but also learn, grow and thrive in it.
Resilience is not something that we're born with so we can
learn and we can develop it over time, and anyone can
learn how to become more resilient.
So next we're going to get in to how can we
build our resilience.
The first thing in building our resilience and it seems really
basic but it's prioritizing our physical and mental health,
and taking care of your body by fueling it with healthy food,
balanced meals, good sleep hygiene (seven to eight hours a
night or whatever your norm is), regular exercise and
don't forget hydration.
And back to regular exercise, you don't have to become a
marathon runner for exercise to be beneficial.
We can just, 10 minutes around the block is fine but as long
as we're moving.
And then the second part is taking care of
our mental health.
And there's lots of ways that we can do this but engage in
activities that make you feel good.
And right now we have to get very creative on what we can do
and can't do.
So I encourage people, there's been a lot of research
in the benefits of nature and getting out in nature.
So I always encourage people to get out as much as they can,
take hikes, walk on the beach, walk
around their neighborhood, it's very significant impact
on our mood.
The other things we can do are start a garden, take an
art class online, go to your local hobby shop, pick up some
arts and crafts.
Again, we have to get creative during this time.
Painting is also good, try cooking something,
organize something.
If you're feeling ever overwhelmed,
a good thing to do is organize and sometimes I'll tell people
just start with the sock drawer, go organize
a sock drawer.
And we can go to the local home goods stores and do
home projects also.
So it's a time to get creative.
We need to but it's really important that we do things
that kind of build our creativity so to speak.
So it's also important that we avoid unhealthy outlets such as
drugs and alcohol.
This can only deplete our emotional resources and
especially when we're stressed and going through changes,
we need to find other outlets to take care of our mental
and physical health.
The next thing we're to talk about is this
engaging in mindfulness.
And first I'm going to go over what is mindfulness and how
is that defined.
Mindfulness is simply, I like to put, is just being
present and being present in a way that's nonjudgmental
and non-critical, not trying to fix it
or change it, experiencing just the moment as it is,
so just to be.
And so many of us, that's really, really difficult
and we need to develop a practice of mindfulness.
I like what Jon Kabat-Zinn defines it as the "awareness of
arising from paying attention on purpose in the present
moment and nonjudgmentally."
So a lot of research has been done on mindfulness and this is
from the American
Psychological Association.
For one, it improves our mood and some studies have gone so
far as to say that it's been just as effective as medication
in preventing depression relapse,
so significant impact on our mood.
Also reduces stress and anxiety by
decreasing emotional reactivity.
And what I mean by that is if we engage
in mindfulness practices, we're less likely to get caught
up in our emotions so we're able to kind of take a step
back and kind of reflect on things instead of the
emotions overtaking us.
It also has been shown to lower our blood pressure and
strengthen our immune system.
Also improves brain function, it improves our ability
to pay attention, and over time this can sharpen our memory and
improve mental performance.
And studies have also shown that it can help with pain
management and weight reduction.
Learning new coping skills through mindfulness,
here's just some ideas but there's plenty of others and
you can download apps and Google ideas but here's some.
So deep breathing; exercise; tai chi and qi gong,
which are a form of martial arts;
practicing gratitude;
meditation; journaling; yoga; and any kind
of spiritual practice.
There's a lot of mindfulness apps on phones now
that are free.
You can have them to reduce stress,
anxiety, help you sleep.
Some are guided visualization imagery but they're really,
really great.
I have about three on my phone right now and
they're very helpful.
So I invite you to take advantage of all of the apps on
the phones nowadays.
Number three is really about staying connected.
Resilient people maintain strong
and supportive relationships, both personal
and professional.
As a result, they have caring, supportive people around them
in times of crisis.
It has been said that the happiest,
emotionally well-adjusted people have six social groups.
So if we think about that that's a lot of social groups.
So think about ways that you can cultivate
more social groups, so whether it be church, your gym,
your family, your co-workers, and it's challenging to come
up with six.
But I think we can do it if we just put our minds to it and
set an intention to do that.
Building social connection is considered a human need.
Human beings are social creatures.
Our connection to others enables us to stay healthy,
thrive and survive.
And research has shown that taking part in meaningful,
productive and social activities
generally live longer, have a sense of purpose and maintain
a better mood.
And this need for physical distance right now during this
pandemic has left us all to feel socially isolated and
these are really challenging times.
So again we've got to get really creative in how we're
gonna connect with people.
It's very imperative that we really make an effort because
it's just not as easy as it has been.
So here's just some ideas that we can connect with others.
One, I know it's a novel idea, but picking up the phone and
actually calling somebody. In this day of texting we're so
used to that but it's really nice to have somebody just
receive a phone call from you and you to them. So it's,
I think that's a very simple thing that we can all do.
Have a virtual happy hour using technology such
as Zoom, Facebook, FaceTime,
Skype, WhatsApp to connect with family and friends.
Spend time at a dog park or in a park and just talking to
people passing by.
I think we're all feeling isolated and so people it seems
to me are more open, even at the grocery store. People are
willing to connect and we all have something in
common right now. We're all on common ground, we're all
going through this together.
Exercise with family or friends at a safe social distance so we
can meet people at the beach, at the park and walk with them
with our masks.
Volunteering at community support groups,
you can do outreach calls over the phone and especially to
those who aren't socially connected like the elderly.
And participate in outdoor activities at a distance.
There's a lot of exercise like yoga in the park,
social gatherings in a courtyard at your building
is an example.
So these are just some tips that we can start to reach out
to people and hopefully, you know,
make some more connections.
It's really important that we reach out to people
that you trust, and about how you're feeling right now and
know that you're not alone.
We are all going through this together and I think sometimes
we forget that and we don't talk about how we feel or we
underestimate our feelings of anxiety, of worry,
of isolation and loneliness. And I think it's really
important that we have some people that we can really
connect with and talk about it.
By prioritizing these human interactions and finding
meaningful ways to connect during this time of physical
distance and social isolation, we can support each other and
our own health and well-being.
Number four is maintaining a positive outlook.
So resilient people have a positive outlook and sometimes
it's about changing our perception and changing the way
we think of things.
One of my favorite quotes is by Charles Swindoll and he says
10% of life is what happens to us and the other 90% is how
we perceive it.
That gives us an awful lot of power.
We can't change that 10%, but we have the power to
change that 90%.
And so sometimes it's just changing our perception,
how we perceive it, and this can greatly contribute to our
emotional well-being if we can just look at things
a little differently.
So how do we change our perception?
Increasing your awareness of how you interpret events in
order to challenge or alter counterproductive thoughts and
develop a more adaptive thinking style.
And what I mean by this is having negative or inaccurate
thoughts about others, the future, ourselves.
This can produce unhelpful emotions and behaviors.
For example, catastrophic thinking.
You fail the test.
I failed the test.
I'm a failure.
I'll never be good at anything.
You know, I might as well not go to school.
Or if this, I'm in a relationship.
If this person leaves me, I'll never find love again,
I'll never be happy again, I'm always going to be alone.
So this is sort of the catastrophic thinking
and we can, it kind of snowballs. It starts
from one thing but then we over amplify it into the negative
and it becomes extreme.
I like to call this the "monkey mind," of where we start with
something and then we're snowballing and catastrophizing
and making it worse, which greatly contributes
to our anxiety.
So it's important that we develop healthier ways of
thinking and keeping things in perspective.
Have a plan to shift to a positive emotion when
you're stressed out.
So it's kind of a distraction tool.
So you can call somebody, watch a funny video,
watch a funny, listen to some music,
something to shift your emotions when you know that
you're sort of starting to go into the monkey mind.
Identify things that you can control and things you can't.
So one of the things I often work with people on is I'll say
write a list of all the things that you can control.
And then I want you to write another list of all the things
that are outside of your control. For example,
your family, your colleagues, the pandemic.
So there's a lot of things that are outside of our control and
sometimes we need to reference that list and remind ourselves
that most things are out of our control.
And it's important that we engage in self-talk when we
start to feel anxious and remind yourself that I only
have control over myself, my thoughts, my perceptions,
the way I treat people, and my behaviors, and that's
kind of it.
So I think that list can be helpful in remembering that
what I have control over and what I don't.
And remind yourself that what you're facing is temporary.
This too shall pass.
You have faced setbacks before and you can do it again.
You might want to find some kind of mantra,
saying, something will help you to remind yourself that
this is temporary.
A serenity prayer is a good idea for some people, so it's
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
And last thing is acceptance.
And it's really important that we accept things out
of our control.
This is key.
It doesn't mean that we have to like something, we have to
agree with it, but we accept it.
One of my favorite sayings to tell people is "it is what it is."
I can't fix it, I can't control it.
And this helps us sort of settle with the idea
that it's changing.
I can't fix it, I can't go back and undo it.
So this really helps with the frustration tolerance of things
of outside of our control.
Number five: learning from setbacks.
Setbacks are there to teach us something, so it's
important that we ask ourselves what did I learn from this.
Were there or will there be any positive outcomes that result
from this situation?
Are you grateful for any part of this situation?
In what ways are you better than when you started?
What did you learn and how did you grow and develop as a
result of this situation?
Resilient people don't make the same mistake over and over.
They're willing to reflect, look at how they failed,
and look at what didn't work.
Pick yourself up as many times as it takes.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get back up.
Learning the capacity to adapt successfully and the tenacity
to never ever quit.
Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving; we get
stronger and more resilient.
Building resilience is like building a muscle; we get
better with it over time.
And unfortunately it's usually through great pain that we
learn the most.
Building resilience gives a sense of empowerment,
knowing that we can get through this in a difficult
and uncertain time, and knowing that we're not helpless.
You are braver than you think.
These are extraordinary times with an unprecedented amount of
change all at once.
Just remember we can and we will get
through this together.