Hi. In this video, I'm going to share four surprising truths about dating younger men.
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Hi there. Mat Shaffer, your empowerment, connection, and relationship coach.
I am a former attorney who's committed his life
to supporting women like you in creating more fulfilling,
meaningful connections and relationships with men.
I'm so excited to talk to you about this topic,
four surprising truths about dating younger men.
This comes up all the time in my work
with my clients and my students around the world.
We're going to dive into it. Before we do,
take a second and hit that little Subscribe button.
Don't forget to click the link in the comments in the caption.
I have created a great training, some great content
that I know is really going to make a big difference
in your relationships and connections with men.
Now, let's dive into this.
Four powerful truths, four surprising truths
about what it means to date younger men.
Let's start off with the first one.
The first one is that younger men
don't necessarily want to have kids.
You not being able to have kids
or you not wanting to have kids
does not necessarily disqualify you from relationship
or disqualify you from being someone that they fall in love with.
I know so many clients and so many students
who have a tendency to write themselves off
as a prospect for long-term relationship with a man because
they don't want to have kids and they just assume
that he wants to have kids.
Don't assume that a man wants to have kids.
Not all men want to have kids. Some men only want to have kids
if they connect with a woman who wants to have kids, right?
There's a lot of conditions and a lot of different variables at play
in the decision to have kids.
Don't dismiss a man or downplay yourself,
or disallow yourself from opening up emotionally to a man
because you created a story that
he's going to want to have kids someday
and you're not going to be able to have them or you don't want to have.
That isn't being fair to you and that's cutting yourself off from potential love.
Embrace this truth and recognize that not all men
want to have kids now or eventually.
Maybe unless they meet the right person.
Be open to that.
The second surprising truth is
not all younger men are just looking for a fling.
It's the truth. Not all younger men are just looking for sex
with women their age or with older women, right?
Every man is unique. At every age group, trust me,
there are plenty of men who are just looking for sex,
but not every younger man is just looking for a fling
with a cougar or an older woman.
Truly, take a second to really appreciate
and connect with who the man is before you and what his intentions are.
Recognize that just because a younger man
might want a physical relationship with you,
it doesn't mean that it can't evolve into a longer-term relationship.
I've known many clients who have started off
just hooking up with a younger man
in a light, casual, low-expectation scenario.
Over time, it evolved into something really meaningful and deep for both of them.
Even if a relationship starts casual,
it doesn't mean it can't blossom into a deeper,
more meaningful, long-term relationship with a guy.
Let go of all your stories around all younger men
are just looking for a roll in the hay,
or even if it starts off as a roll in the hay,
it doesn't mean it can't become something really meaningful
and beautiful for both of you.
The third surprising truth about younger men is that
they're actually easier to date a lot of times
than men your own age.
That might seem counterintuitive because
older man are more emotionally mature,
They've got more experience being in a relationship.
You'd think that would be a good thing,
but it actually can create a lot of issues
because older men can have a lot of baggage.
They can have a lot of trauma around relationship.
It can actually be hard for them to get past that
because they have this tendency to just project
all of the wounds of their past
onto you as they're looking to get to know you.
It can be hard for them to put their walls down.
It can be hard for them to be intimate with you emotionally or physically.
You never know what kind of trauma they may have experienced in their
past marriages or past divorces or who knows what's happened to them.
Whereas younger men, they just have less trauma,
generally speaking, because they haven't had as much experience, right?
They're much more prone to just meet you where you're at,
experience you, and see you more clearly
because they don't have all the baggage
that they're projecting onto you in the relational container.
Think about that. Even though they're less emotionally developed
or less emotionally "mature" on paper,
they actually might be easier
to get to know and connect with and develop a mature relationship with
because there's not as much junk between you and them
emotionally or from their own experience.
Don't write younger men off just because
they may not have the same emotional mileage.
It might actually be an asset for being in a relationship with them.
The fourth surprising truth about dating younger men
is that, guess what, they can teach you too.
[chuckles] It's one of those standard beliefs,
is that the older woman gets to be the teacher to the younger man.
Well, I'll tell you. As long as you're open to his lessons,
a younger man can teach you a lot too.
He can teach you to let go.
He can teach you to let go of your attachment to outcome.
A younger man can teach you to step into your playfulness,
your lightness, your freedom, your joy,
the aspects of yourself that you may have disconnected from
or at least created some distance from
because of all the responsibilities maybe of
raising a family or having a career and taking on
everything that you have in your life.
A younger man can really create a space
for you to connect with those parts of yourself that really feel good.
A younger man can also teach you to let go of judgment,
to let go of your outcome dependence that it has to look a certain way,
that a relationship has to unfold a certain way.
He can teach you to be present in the moment with him
and just explore what it means to be polarized,
to be in your feminine and to have him in his masculine,
and the two of you dance together for as long as it lasts.
For whatever it is, you can just accept and surrender into that
and appreciate what it means to have true
magnetic masculine-feminine polarity with another person.
One of the most powerful things that a younger man can teach you
is to let go of your limiting beliefs.
Your limiting beliefs around what he's capable of,
your limiting beliefs around the type of relationship that you're worthy of
or the type of relationship that you can have with a man.
Just because you're of a certain age, whatever that age may be,
it doesn't mean that the man in front of you,
whether he's 10 years younger than you
or 20 years younger than you or whatever,
it doesn't mean that he can't show up for you.
It doesn't mean that the two of you can't connect.
It doesn't mean that the two of you
can't have a meaningful, soulful, passionate connection and relationship.
Release all those limiting beliefs.
That's one of the greatest things he can teach you,
is to let go of all the stories
around how you think a relationship has to go
and what type of relationships you can enjoy and experience,
and what type of relationship he's capable of,
and just be in connection with another man
and enjoy it and see where it goes.
There you go, four surprising truths about dating younger men.
The first one, of course, is they don't all want kids.
[chuckles] You not being able to have kids or you not wanting to have kids,
it doesn't mean they're going to write you off.
It doesn't mean that they're not going to be able to fall in love with you.
It doesn't mean they're not going to want a relationship with you.
The second surprising truth is
they're not all just looking for a fling.
They're not all just looking for something casual.
Even if something starts casual,
it doesn't mean it can't unfold or blossom into a deeper,
more meaningful long-term relationship.
The third surprising truth about dating younger men
is they can actually be easier to date
and build a relationship with than an older man,
because even though they may be a little emotionally less mature,
they can also be a little emotionally less damaged.
They can have less baggage, less judgments,
and less issues with intimacy and trust
because they haven't had as much trauma from their past relationships.
The last surprising truth about dating younger men
is that they have a lot to teach you too about being present,
being free, being light, being able to surrender into what a connection is,
and really recognize that all the limiting beliefs we have around
who we are and the type of relationship that we're capable of
and that younger men are capable of,
it's all a bunch of false narratives,
and that we really get to accept and appreciate each person
for who they are before us.
If you're able to really embrace these truths,
you're going to have amazing relationships with younger men
that are going to help you grow and add real value to your life.
I hope you loved this video. If you did, take a second,
hit that little Subscribe button and be sure
to click that link in the comments and caption.
I've created some awesome training that I know
is going to really help you in your connections with men.
Thanks so much and I'll see you next time on my YouTube channel. Bye-bye.