I know you've got a, there are things you do not want to tell
your partner about things that you think things that you do
things that you feel. And that is totally normal. Maybe you
have some habits that are a little bit embarrassing or
gross. Or maybe you have some secret needs or desires that
you're worried about voicing, maybe you have some like dead
bodies in your freezer, not literally. What I'm trying to
say is that having secrets from your partner is to an extent,
totally normal. Hi, I'm Caitlin V, sex and relationship coach.
And today, I'm going to break down the top eight secrets that
men don't want women to know, dudes, I want you to know that
whatever you've got going on in the bedroom or out of it, too,
are normal. You're not alone. A lot of guys live in isolation,
thinking that these secrets are just theirs, and that they are
going to take them to the grave with shame, confusion and
frustration. And it doesn't have to be that way. Even the most
confident the most successful, the tech millionaires and the
star athletes who I've coached all deal with these kinds of
secrets, and all of them think that they are alone. So what are
the secrets that men try so desperately to keep from the
women in their lives? Number one, he is in secure. The truth
is that all men struggle with some form of insecurity. And
this is because their human, then worry about their bodies,
their penis size, their smell, how they're performing in the
bedroom, or if they're making enough money, what they look
like that their beard is patchy. The list goes on and on. We live
in a society where men are expected to feel competent and
in charge literally all of the time. And this is why so many
men feel like talking about their insecurities is a sign of
weakness, and instead they keep it bottled up inside men feel
like women will think less of them if they see a chink in
their armor. But all men have something that they're secretly
insecure about that wildly chiseled guy at your gym is
insecure about his ability to be a father, you're super
financially successful boss can't sleep at night because
he's worried that he's not pleasing his wife in between the
sheets. George Clooney, there's something there. No guy is 100%
confident and self assured all of the time, not even the guys
who seem to have it all together. Number two, he has
Durer range sexual fantasies. Have you ever found your mind
wandering into some seriously strange and almost dangerous
territory? Like you're masturbating? And suddenly you
find yourself jerking off to a hogtied clown with an apple in
their mouth over Spitfire? Well, you're not alone. Human
Sexuality is weird and complicated and awesome. And
sometimes our fantasy lives get a little over the top. And then
to top that off, man, testosterone is one hell of a
drug, and it contributes to those thoughts that lead you to
some seriously bizarre places. But oftentimes, these wacky
sometimes dark sexual fantasies are something that men feel
insecure about. They may fantasize about doing things
that they would never actually want to do in real life. I mean,
there's plenty of men that are in happy marriages who can't
sleep at night because they're too busy fantasizing about their
eighth grade teacher with a tongue ring. And these are
thoughts that they would never want to share with their
partners because they are afraid of being judged for it. And look
at this is something that women share as well. I mean, maybe she
fantasized about giving Dumbledore blowjob while she's
masturbating. You don't know. Number three, the zone out. I
think we've all been on one side or the other of this
interaction. You're hanging out with your girlfriend, you've got
a blank glazed over expression across your face you don't even
know. And after a few minutes, you're hit with a classic. What
are you thinking about? And your response? Nothing. This is an
answer that often infuriates women. And that's tells you a
little bit more about what's going on inside of our minds,
which is the opposite, aka something. But it leads women to
believe that you're hiding something from them, you're
having a thought that you don't want to share or something that
might be hurtful to them. And dudes after coaching y'all for
so many years. I know your secret. Your secret is you're
actually thinking about nothing to feel nice to have a woman
validate you in that way. I know it because the zone out is a
classic masculine move. Masculinity as as a nature as an
energy that all of us have, including me is the absence of
stuff. It is the nothingness, the
void. So when you say you're thinking about nothing, often
you are thinking about nothing. Or maybe you're thinking about
something that is just way too silly or irrelevant to actually
share with her in that moment, like a sporting event that
happened four years ago, a time that you said something stupid
at Work playing out a scenario where you told some asshole what
you really thought of him. But for whatever reason zoning out
is one of the ways that men recharge, it's where they go to
boost their masculine batteries, or at least to take a break from
all of the feminine life, which is happening all around them all
the time. This is also one of my theories as to why y'all love
sitting on the toilet for so long. I'm just saying, I think
I'm on to number four, they don't always want sex. We live
in a culture where men and women are conditioned to think that
men should always be up for having sex, that their sex drive
should be limitless, infinite, powerful forces of nature. But
the truth is that there are plenty of times where men just
are not in the mood. And often they are afraid to admit it. And
so you tend to have sex anyways, you like go against your own
boundaries, and do something that you don't really want to
do. Because you've been taught that men are supposed to always
want sex, and always deliver. Some men worry that if they tell
their partners that they're not in the mood, then the partner
will feel undesirable or insecure. She'll think that you
don't love her and want her women are taught that it is okay
to not always want sex. But there is a narrative that it is
always the man's job to initiate and the woman's decision of
whether or not sex happens. And these standards are actually
harmful to all genders, men, women, non binary, folks,
everyone, the truth is that we should all feel comfortable
getting to decide when we feel like having sex. And when we
don't, if you're not for me, it doesn't make you less of a man
and my women out there, if he doesn't get an erection, it
doesn't mean he's not attracted to you. It doesn't mean he
doesn't love you. It doesn't mean that he doesn't want you it
doesn't mean that you look fat in this dress. It means down to
that it could mean a million things, but probably not those
number five, they don't all have the same taste in women hear me
out the same way that women are conditioned to conform to
certain societal standards of beauty that are mostly western,
white and thin. Men are conditioned to feel attracted to
those same standards. But the truth is just as all women look
different, whether it's style, body shape, personality, all men
have wildly different preferences, and a lot of men
try to hide their true preferences to conform to what
society thinks is hot. A lot of men believe that it is a status
symbol to score a leggy blonde, when in reality, they're
actually attracted to someone who has a completely different
body type and demeanor. If this is a trap that you're falling
into, my message to you is this life is short, let the people
you're really attracted to know and sleep with them and date
them and make love to them and show them off and wear them on
your arm. So proudly, we really have got to up our game when it
comes to beauty standards because honestly, so much more.
And so many more bodies are so attractive, and they deserve to
be highlighted and loved and you should actually spend time
dating and being romantic with people who you are authentically
attracted to. Number six, he wants to be complimented. Men
want compliments. Why? Because compliments are great
compliments are awesome compliments make us feel good.
And most men are pretty much deprived of compliments, whether
it's from a partner or friend or a colleague or even a stranger.
Most men go through their lives having very, very few nice
things said about them to them. Like have you ever seen a man's
face light up when another man complements his outfit? It's
heartwarming. It's amazing. When I stop a man in the street and
tell him he's got great shoes, great hat great style, I see
that I have had an effect on his day. And you know why? Because
men just like women want to feel validated, want to feel seen and
want to be wanted. But we live in a world where it's seen as
the man's job to make women feel wanted to make them feel desire
to compliment them and actually to degree where it almost
becomes empty and compliments are just offered as some form of
currency. Can we stop this police the next time that you
see a male friend whether you are a man or a woman watching
this video, the next time you see something
that you admire, that you like that looks good on a male friend
of yours or your lover, let him know whether he's just having a
good hair day. He's got a great shirt that complements his eyes.
He just has some like really cool shoes that you admire. Let
him know there is no cost to make someone else feel good and
you can brighten their whole day. I think we can all agree
that men deserve compliments Tip number seven he questions his
relationship with porn. If you are subscribed to this channel,
or familiar with my content, you probably already know my
thoughts on porn and if not raise yourself porn, although it
can provide a major via gratification and can sometimes
even be an interesting tool for learning about yourself and your
desires has a lot of negative impact on your sex life. I hate
to say it, but it's true. And you need to know from
desensitizing you to stopping you from gaining full control
over your ejaculation, to forming unrealistic standards
and expectations around sex. Porn affects the way that you
sexually relate to yourself and others. And most guys have some
concerns when it comes to their porn consumption, whether
they're worried about what they're watching, or how much
they're watching, every porn consuming man has an inkling
that this might not be good for him. And I'm just saying, if
you're worried about the impact that porn is having on your
life, then you are probably right that is doing a bit of
damage. And it is time to take a break. Watch my other videos on
porn for more on how to do that. Number eight, he looks at other
women know better, I definitely don't just check her out, I call
bullshit. And look, I'm not here to judge you men do look at
other women. And know they don't often admit it to their
partners. It is just a fact something that is attractive and
moving at any velocity across our vision is going to get our
attention. I would personally like if we stopped acting as if
this was a crime. Now I am not saying gawking staring
completely getting lost and looking at another woman. Not
like Kanye did Rihanna. But men do. Look, and they are going to
look at attractive women, it's literally in their nature.
They're even more attuned to moving things in their visual
field than things that are stationary, it's just part of
being testosterone laden. So if you give others a quick once
over, that is okay. Because just because you're looking at
another woman doesn't mean that you aren't committed to the one
that you're in relationship with. And it doesn't even mean
that you're particularly attracted to that woman or that
you want to sleep with her. It just means that you have eyes
and you see things so use that judiciously but there's my
permission. So there they are the little secrets that men keep
from the women in their lives. I have a question for you dudes.
What did I miss? And do you feel less alone, knowing that other
men keep the same secrets to themselves? What I have found
over and over and over again, by coaching literally hundreds of
men is that many of them live in isolation. They do not have a
community of men, they may not even have a single male friend
who they can actually open up about any of this stuff with,
let alone that they're struggling with erectile
dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation
a sexless marriage. The guys inside of my highperformance
male sexual mastery accelerator are a community of men that do
this for each other and not just that. We have guys in there that
are making sex furniture. We have guys that are going to
black tie sex parties with their girlfriends while their wives,
kiss them and wave them goodbye. With full on joy, appreciation
and support. We have guys that have ended their premature
ejaculation. We have guys that have recovered their ability to
orgasm. We have guys that have saved their marriages from
divorce. We have guys that have decided to get divorced. After
living in a sexless marriage for way too long. There is one of
everyone inside of highperformance male sexual
mastery accelerator and if you need a community of men, I
invite you to come and check it out. There is nothing quite like
it from weird fantasies to insecurities, your secrets are
safe with me and know that you are not alone. Thank you so much
for tuning in. I'm Caitlin V. Please make sure that you are
subscribed and I will see you here next week.